on being a bloody girl and brown…1984

I discovered “Talking Heads”. A real white girl taste in music I spose, but I loved the difference, the minor keys/notes,…I still do! My fav was “Psycho Killer”…maybe this is where my fascination with psychos started lol

I also discovered “David Bowie’s Let’s Dance” at dance class. It appealed to my sense of freedom and dance, and minor keys and alternative sounds.

This is the year I realised I was brown. Up until this time I didn’t realise that was anything less than being what I already was. This was also the year I realised that being a girl was shittier than I had originally thought!

Our church had a few ‘brownies’ in it. Me and my brother being two of them. And I’m grappling to remember any others…but there must have been a couple more??!! The only thing I knew about being brown was that my mother wasn’t, that everyone at church wasn’t, that everyone in my class wasn’t. But I rolled with it…I guess I didn’t have much choice really. The things I heard at church to do with being Maori – or brown – was that they were lazy, they worshipped idols, they were cursed because they didn’t know Jesus. From home I knew being brown – meant that they hated white people, they hurt white people. My mother had been hurt by a Maori man; my brothers father. Couldn’t forget that. At school – Maori were – slow learners, dirty, didn’t have lunch, stole and were violent.

And being a girl…well, I hadn’t had the heads up about the whole menstruation process and that was a fucken rude awakening! I thought I was dying…but no, as the gods would have it, this process didn’t just arrive once and then leave…NOOOO…it returned every fucken month! And back then there were only surf boards! The whole day trying to make those things not crumple up in your undies and not be seen when you bent over in the ‘way to short’ school uniform, was ridiculously awkward to say the least! Its a hell I wanted my girls to never be part of, and made sure I taught them from a very young age, that this was part of the beautiful process of being a woman….blah blah…I didn’t really believe it, but I plugged it anyway…I wanted them to be prepared!

So with the discovery of being brown and a ‘bloody’ girl, 1984 was shaping up to be crap! So at least I had Talking Heads 🙂

Somewhere in there I discovered ‘My Sweet Lord’ too…I wasn’t allowed to listen to it obviously, but I liked it and still do 😉

And…last but not least, this was the year that boys discovered me. Little bastards. I had my first boyfriend, mainly to shut the peers up. He was an asshole. The boy that did like me a lot, was lovely really, but he was brown 😉 and he kept calling me a virgin, and I didn’t know what the hell that was…but was pretty sure I wasn’t one!

Love and light to me xo


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