They must have been an absolute twat…to lump a whole lot of pubescent teens together to decide what career pathway they should take for the rest of their life! Pressure…much!
Thirteen is not known for its ‘balance’. And in the midst of hormones and peer pressure, it’s a focussed individual with strong home support, that will make it through this shit fest!
I remember my 3rd form Science teacher…he was an ordinary…nice dude. He wasn’t overly encouraging or discouraging. He did his job. I remember my 3rd form Social Studies teacher. He wore long socks and sandals; way to tight beige shorts and a shirt tucked into his shorts with a belt that screamed ‘I am not letting these shorts fall off!!’. LOL, funny what you remember. I remember my 3rd form maths teacher. He dressed the same as the Social Studies teacher, with a bit more ‘flare’. He had a kind of Bieber flick going on, and he had his top button of shirt undone. This dude though, he was an ass. He thought he was encouraging by teacher the natives to calculate and add; well that’s the impression he gave off. But when the natives got a bit testy with him, Ohhh how he’d hollah!. But he’d use humiliation tactics to make the native feel inferior. I ended up telling him to get fucked, and was flicked from the class.
I tried the Maori Culture class for a term. But as it turned out, my brown-ness was too white. That’s right, I was to Pakeha for my own culture. Go figure.
I had a boyfriend. He was good-looking, or so every other girl thought. We didn’t do anything but talk on the phone. I never did get that…talk on the phone but not to my face? Mmmm. He didn’t last very long. The girls in my year were bitchy and talked way to much for my liking. They didn’t like me and made sure I knew that. I didn’t really care…well that’s what I said. But it hurt. And I made sure I forgot about them. I guess this is one of the earliest times I remember trying to forget and it working. I numbed them out and physically forgot who they were and what they said. Years later, and I mean years, 20 odd…I met a lady that worked for a friend of mine. She vividly remembered who I was and what her and her friends had done to me at high school. She said they had played quite a humiliating practical joke on me and made me the laughing sensation of the week. She was quite upset and apologised profusely. I said it was ok…and that I didn’t recall any of it. She said she didn’t understand how I couldn’t remember…”I had other things going on”, that’s how.
By the end of this year, I was starting to feel quite numb, quite lost.
I was still dancing, I think. But only just. I discovered Bob Marley’s ‘Confrontation’ album 🙂
And Buffalo Soldier …
In this I found something to attach myself too. Something to relate too. I couldn’t relate to the whole church and religion thing and was having difficulty believing most of what was preached from the pulpit.
Teenage-hood was quite excruciating. I wanted it to be exciting, and at times it was; in its own churchy way. I learnt to play the guitar here…and that’s something I forget; my mother was musical as well. With Simon and Garfunkel and Peter Paul and Mary added to my musical repertoire, I played the guitar in church 🙂
…but I think, looking at the things I had endured up until this time; it was never going to be smooth sailing. And teenage-hood is definitely not smooth sailing anyway. But I survived 😉
Love and light to me xo