slightly dramatic, but I reckon its like colonisation!

Back to the assholes that bought the house we’ve been renting. Now they’re assholes because we don’t want to leave…fair enough? I think so. And yes, that’s just my natural, tantrum instinct firing up there.

But I think what has fucked us off about the process, is the how. Not just the act itself.

Now I’m as anal as fuck about process. Some things are shitty and are always going to be shitty…but the process, I believe, can be made smoother or less harmful or even enhancing, if it is done with integrity.

We’ve had at least a dozen people come through this house over the past 4-5 months, which for me, has been hugely intrusive. There’s nothing like complete strangers leering at your personals while you sit on and watch. Yes I know it’s not really that dramatic, but it feels like it to me!

Out of all those people who have come through there have been those that are respectful and slightly apologetic but are there for a reason and don’t make apologies for that. That sort of approach, I can completely dig. And it leaves me feeling ok about the whole thing. Still gutted but not invaded.

Then there’s the rest of them. This includes the real estate fuckers. This lot, schmooze and lie, and try to smooth out the awkwardness with mundane and equally awkward conversation. These are the ones that ask the real estate person to ask us to leave so they can view the house.

The people who bought this house were ‘those’ sorts. Ass licking schmoozers. After the first look around the house they sent the real estate lady back in to ask us to leave. To which we said No.

When they returned the following day for another viewing they looked uneasy. But they had brought ‘back up’ in the form of a father in law who tried to speak Maori to us. He was a white South African.

Insulting much?

We knew what they were trying to do. But sucked it up.

And then the guy apologised in a ‘decorative’ sort of way…saying that he had asked us via the real estate lady, to leave please…so we wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

Whatever dude.

Now I’ve kinda evolved a bit over the last few months…and instead of that ‘off’ switch being off all the time; it flicks on, nice and bright, whenever I feel invaded, schmoozed or incensed.

My reply to his feeble excuse came tumbling out before I had a chance to collect myself or my mouth. “Really?” said I. “You actually made it more uncomfortable for us, by asking us to leave our house while you sniffed through it. You were trying to make it more comfortable for you, not us. But thanks for the sentiment”.

Before I knew it, it was even more awkward and my partner was fussing round like he does…doing a little awkward chuckle…’oh dear…ha ha awkward ha’.

This dude hadn’t finished though. He too tried his hand at the Māori card too…doing the ‘bro’ talk with my partner. And then reassuring us both that they didn’t want to move here straight away and would need to keep us on as tenants…if we didn’t mind staying.

That was the clincher. The old, reassure the natives that they are safe and sound and the intruders are just browsing…they don’t really want to take over!

They left and 3 weeks later we get a fucken 42 day notice.

Now I’m justifiably pissed I think. Not just about losing the house, but being fucked out of it in the process.

I can’t stand bullshit like that.

Be up front…as brutally truthful as you need to be…but don’t fuck me over!

But then, that is exactly what has been done to me…my people…from the get go. They came here, schmoozed us…and we didn’t fall for it…we insisted on partnership. And under the guise of a Treaty they swindled our land and then our culture away from us. And when we didn’t conform quietly, they tried to kill us off. And they nearly succeeded.

And when we didn’t die off…they shredded our culture some more and assimilated our asses.

So that in a nut shell…is colonisation. And while that is a super-duper dramatization of loosing our house…it gives me something real to relate this experience too.

And hopefully, that was my last house rant!

Btw…I hope the new owners stub their toes on the way into their new holiday home! Assholes.


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