aha, ha ha moment

Yep, we’re not promised anything…not a fucking thing.

Social expectations…

societal rules, say we should be loved and cared for…

rocked to sleep…fed…clothed…

blah blah

Reality check…

shitloads upon shitloads are NOT

So how do I change my ‘traumatic’ outlook…OMFG mentality

Because it hurts and it’s all fucking unfair?

But I can’t do another round of traumatic events that are way the fuck out of my control.

How do I change how I view it…view all of it?

…..

I blow it the fuck away.

Wherever it all lands…is besides the point??!!

Because

Right now…right this very minute

….I have heating, a roaring fire

….I have a full puku, I’ve eaten

….I have a cup of water, I’m not thirsty

….I’m typing and relating, I have electricity

….I’m listening to the song, I can hear

….I scratch my foot, I have feeling

….I correct my typing mistakes, I know stuff

….

Right now, I am OK

I’m wretchedly worrying and hurting,

slightly highly strung and panicky

But that’s four things…

right now

That are not

cannot be

out weighed by the aforementioned.

I think I may just roll with that.

Day to-day.

Hour to hour.

Minute to minute…

and all in vice versa-ness.

It’s too tiring worrying…freaking out…breathing to hard.

Is that what the tree huggers call

‘living in the moment’. Possibly.

It’s so not me…

and I’m so still learning this shit.

Ahhh and

breathe mother fucker,

breath.

 

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2 thoughts on “aha, ha ha moment

  1. I love how you wrote through your rage. Very impressive. You have a unique voice. Society does say we should be fed and clothed and loved. I think it’s ok to be mad about not having had these things etc. The way you managed your rage here? Awesome. You’re quite strong!

    Liked by 1 person

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