I felt slightly deflated today, with all the anxiety bullshit, making its freaking butthurt presence felt again … so much so, I got pissed off …
So when the partner said he was going to see his daughter and asked if I’d like to go with … I gritted my teeth, cringed and said “Hell fucking Yeah”.
Needless to say, he was both surprised, and scared lol.
I packed up my ‘toolkit’ :
Orange – check
Music – check
Headphones – check
Water – check
Breather thingy – check
Inhaling my orange-y goodness, I strapped myself in, and off we went before I could re-neg.
We got to the intersection, hung a right (which is the opposite direction than what I’m used too), and took off.
Here’s my proof, and a gentle reminder for me … that I Can ;)
(It’s a bit shaky, cos I was a bit shaky lol)
Just round the corner – hanging the right …
Getting into ‘town’ … its at this point the partner asked if I wanted to ‘detour’ the stop lights … I usually say yes … but instead motioned – “straight through” … he got scared again lol but did as he was told!
And heres those bastards … red … which means waiting arrggghhh … but I breathed; I took a photo … cos I want proof that I can do it … and eventually they went green … and I didn’t freak out or die lol! Surprise surprise …
And on the way back … well … I had a headache, cos of the ‘visit’ in a new environment, new smells … and I was tired … but I did it!
I fucken did it :)
And as we were driving home, I remembered that I used to drive this road 3 times a week … 2 hours in the car by myself, to catch the train into the Capital … to go to University. I felt sad, because it feels like I am nothing like I was … strength and resilience wise …
But then realised … I am now, nothing like I was: strength and resilience wise – I’m better than I was ;)