i’m still trying …

I felt slightly deflated today, with all the anxiety bullshit, making its freaking butthurt presence felt again … so much so, I got pissed off …

So when the partner said he was going to see his daughter and asked if I’d like to go with … I gritted my teeth, cringed and said “Hell fucking Yeah”.

Needless to say, he was both surprised, and scared lol.

I packed up my ‘toolkit’ :

Orange – check

Music – check

Headphones – check

Water – check

Breather thingy – check

Inhaling my orange-y goodness, I strapped myself in, and off we went before I could re-neg.

We got to the intersection, hung a right (which is the opposite direction than what I’m used too), and took off.

Here’s my proof, and a gentle reminder for me … that I Can ;)

(It’s a bit shaky, cos I was a bit shaky lol)


Just round the corner – hanging the right …

20160615_190342.jpgGetting into ‘town’ … its at this point the partner asked if I wanted to ‘detour’ the stop lights … I usually say yes … but instead motioned – “straight through” … he got scared again lol but did as he was told!


And heres those bastards … red … which means waiting arrggghhh … but I breathed; I took a photo … cos I want proof that I can do it … and eventually they went green … and I didn’t freak out or die lol! Surprise surprise …


And on the way back … well … I had a headache, cos of the ‘visit’ in a new environment, new smells … and I was tired … but I did it!

I fucken did it :)

And as we were driving home, I remembered that I used to drive this road 3 times a week … 2 hours in the car by myself, to catch the train into the Capital … to go to University. I felt sad, because it feels like I am nothing like I was … strength and resilience wise …

But then realised … I am now, nothing like I was: strength and resilience wise  – I’m better  than I was ;)


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