As a bit of a background on my families state of ‘fathers’ and ‘fatherlessness’. The intention is that you think about this as you make your own decision about being an absentee father.
My mothers father, my Grandfather was an extremely good man. He was proud but humble; forthright but gentle. He worked hard … extremely hard … to provide for his family. He was a 2nd World War veteran, so understood the work ethic that made provision for his family. This wasn’t always wealth, as in monetary wealth. He worked his garden everyday and grew everything that his family ate. He bartered his handyman-ship for goods, services and food whenever he was able. He went without ‘stuff’ to make sure all his children were clothed, educated and had financial backing for their futures. He cooked and budgeted and saved. He was a good role model. He was also a silent, faithful and loyal man. He did what he said. Period. I considered him my Grandfather and my Father.
Because mine had bailed out.
My Mother left my Father when I was about 6 months old. My Father was physically violent and emotionally distant. He worked hard I am told. When my Mother left him, he left me. He didn’t come and visit at all. The first time I saw him I was 7. Our relationship has been the same ever since. He’s getting old now. And so am I. I don’t hate my Father like I used too, but I don’t really know him … and I don’t care too really. He is what he is. I am what I am.
When I had my daughters I wanted them to have a Father that was present. Or so I thought. I wanted it because I hadn’t had it. My first girls Father was violent. So I got rid of him. And like my own Father, he thought that meant he should be absent from his daughter.
My second girls Father I was married to. When we separated, his punishment of me was to not pick up the girls. They eventually went and lived with him for a time and then returned to my care. I thought he would naturally continue being part of their lives as he had for the previous 2 years.
But he didn’t. And he still doesn’t.
My question to you, Father of my Moko …
Is this going to be your legacy also? Are you going to estrange yourself from your daughter because you are ‘busy’, ‘lost’, ‘tired’? Are you going to let her grow up not knowing much about who you are? Are you going to let her grow up thinking that you are nothing but a passer-by?
We are all extremely capable women who have been raised by extremely capable women. But should this type of scenario continue for yet another generation? Will you let your daughter be raised without your influence in her life?
From what I can see, you are not a bad man. A little lost at present, but not a bad man. You seem to have good intentions and seem to love our little beauty as much as you are able. But I really would like you to get off your ass and start acting like a man and a decent Father; and if you don’t know how to, get lessons!
You see, I really couldn’t give a fuck if your lost or tired or don’t feel like you know how to be a father … You are a father and your little girl / our beautiful Moko / needs a steady, solid male influence in her life. She needs to know you love her and will always be there for her. She needs to feel protected by you … like she can be any and everything and you will support and love her through every little thing.
And really … if you can’t do this for her … like I said, get lessons or PRETEND!
You should not be absent because its more convenient for You and for Us; or because you have a lack of knowledge or understanding. That excuse is old and tired.
You have a job to do … so do it!
From One Hell of a Protective Nanny who has had enough of Absentee Fathers.