suicide, withdrawl and a proposal…2013

It’s been a year since writing this post and 3 years since the events … and already, I had forgotten most of these ‘feelings’. I have never forgotten about “c” taking his life and we are coming up on 4 years now … but I’d forgotten what it did to us … the good and bad.
I’d forgotten about all the other meds and coming off. I kind of scooted over it in this … but it was hellish! Painful and fucking horrible! Yes, the sleeping meds were my saviours at this stage, but all that other shit, and I can’t even remember half of them now … anti depressants / anti nausea / anti vertigo / anti psychotics / more anti depressant shit and a shitload of pain meds … all for an undiagnosed condition! Never again!
And then my moko editions 🙂 Well, thats the highlight … ohhh and the start of beach home hunting xoxo


I looked for another counsellor, which took about 6 months to find, by which stage I was worse…panic wise. I was avoiding everything and anything that increased my heart rate or caused any kind of disturbance, and that included time spent with the mokos, which was heart breaking. I decided to go with a Maori practitioner, hoping that the cultural thing may give me some more insight.

She pretty much said right off the bat, that what ever was going on for me, she wasn’t equipped to deal with it. I appreciated her honesty! We talked though and she suggested intermediary things I could do before I saw a psychiatrist and/or psychologist. These included meditation and mindfulness…both of which I was doing anyways…a sensory box, to help with panic attacks…so on and so forth. As things got worse she ended up visiting me at my home instead of me doing…

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