Me: addressing … sadness?

I’ve been ruminating on this for a while … I’ve written about it a few times in the past; from my point of view of course.

I’m at it again, because there is a disturbance in the (my) Force and it’ll come tumbling out all slightly messed up as usual … but oh well ;)

We’ve had a few more suicide attempts within the family; a couple of deaths; couple near misses; the earth (Paptuanuku) has been flexing her muscles which sends unease throughout the masses;  … Theres grief and perplexity abounding all round. Not obvious; but it’s there.

So as the Suicide Hotline numbers are topic 1 on the family Newsfeeds at the moment, and there’s an outpouring of “I’m here if you want to talk … anytime” sentiment tagged onto these Hotline messages; and Topic 2 is Depression and what you should do if you think your depressed  … *not feel ashamed *talk to someone *get help … being the top 3 suggestions            …. I am left wondering the following:

  1. If we really gave a shit about people / family / those in grief / those struggling; why do we offer assistance only after the fact?
  2. Why is the go to anecdote have to do with how sad we once felt and how we ‘chinned’ up and ‘soldiered on’?
  3. Why is the reason to anything we don’t really understand, to do with sadness, have to be labelled as “Depression”?
  4. Does the title Depression make Us feel more comfortable, rather than Sadness?

Don’t get me wrong, Depressive Disorder / Depression in any sense of the word / label is a bitch, no doubt. I was raised around plenty of depressives … I get it.

What I wonder though .. is, were they really depressed? Or is that just the clinical term given to those who then have a legitimate reason to be drugged? By labelling them as such, do we then get to tuck them all neatly away in the corner, drugged up, still rocking … but labelled, so at least we know what ‘that’ is?

From my own groove; I’ve been given more drugs for Depression than I care to remember. No-one actually did a blood test and said … Yes, your whats’its are low and a good dose of this shit will increase those whats’its and you should be all tip top again in at least a decade. No, they questioned me. They ticked a few boxes and because I ticked the ‘depressive’ category, they prescribed.

The problem with questions, from one perspective, or an ‘anti-wholistic’ perspective – is they only ‘fit’ a generalised populace. And generally, that populace, depending on what it is … is white, mid age, mid class … not, indigenous, not sensitive, not artistic, not unique. Generalised, is just that. Unfortunately, generalised is not really the ‘norm’.

So, back to the drugging aspect of this all … the drugs ‘they’ have prescribed for me over the years include most on Wikipedias List of Antidepressants excluding those that aren’t available in NZ and Lithium.

Fast forward to 2016, and after nearly 2 decades on, some clever fucker decides to look a little wider, noticing that there might be more to this than meets the naked eye … that Me doesn’t display all the A Typical symptoms of Depression / Depressive Disorder …. Whoa … brilliant … we label this one with PTS(D) instead. Now lets try medicating this bitch with other shit …

Hold the fuck up I say … No more medication.

If they misdiagnosed, mis-medicated for nearly 2 decades; like fuck will I let them continue doing that! Because somehow they got brighter and smarter over the last 20 years?? Well, thats what the last lot said.

Now, I’m not bashing the medical System (well, not completely) … my point is …

I know ME … if I’m left to figure it out … I know ME. Therefore I know what I need.

Which brings me to where I’m at now.

But slightly of track with the rest of my ramble …

Back to the Newsfeed Depressives and Suicide peeps.

Whether they’re truly depressed or not, I’m uncertain. I know they’re sad; that much is clear. So they toodle off to the doctors who prescribes one of a trillion possible anti-depressants. ‘Go home, take these .. back to work Monday’. Couple years later, after a dozen or more ‘trials’ of medication have unfolded … but they’re still living a ‘productive’ life … they try and Top themselves … and we all sit back and go, Fuck … didn’t see that coming … ???!!!

Why? How? How did we not see that coming?

I believe medication isn’t designed to cure us, just placate us. If it placates us, where does everything that caused the sadness go??

It got me wondering, what my tipuna (ancestors) did, pre-colonial days, when someone was ‘sad’.

And heres what I found out:

When someone was deemed to be sad, or depressed … unable to engage or talk … they were taken into the whare or community house … where everyone worked and met and talked … the ‘sad’ person, was able to rest / sleep, on a mat in the centre … they were surrounded by their loved ones, who continued to go about their daily business … but would also feed the person, touch them, tell them stories, laugh, cry … love them. And this went on for as long as it needed to. It went on for as long as the ‘sad’ person needed it to.

And you know what … I dig that way of doing things! And i guess, it’s what I’m doing for myself now.

….. Lastly, the suicide topic … ….


I don’t think i agree with suicide, but I get it. Been there, done that and I get it. Is it preventable?

Fuck yes.

Most of Us want the fight to be over … we want the sadness to be over … we want acceptance … just to be left to be who and what we are … what ever that form may be.

The only way I can see for any of us to find that … is to create it for ourselves.

I’m still pissed at those that have left me; taken their own lives … but I get it! And those that have tried and been ‘unsuccessful’ and look like they are getting better but are just actually waiting for an opportunity to try again … I get that too … and I can see it on You.

To those that I love … If you do, I hope you find peace. For those that don’t, I hope you also find peace.

There … think I’m finished that for now …

For now ;)


9 thoughts on “Me: addressing … sadness?

  1. From my own personal experiences, I have found that psych professionals who are unable to see that science and spirit occupy the same realm, often default to the labeling and the medications. One of the most enlightening moments I had in my own journey was working with a clinical psychologist who recognized that many of her referred patients who had been labeled schizophrenic or dissociative, were actually doing their greatest healing work in Dreamtime, as she bore witness within the shared Dreamtime. This vastly changed her approach on diagnostic process and labeling, but also her own approach on treatment. I feel that part of the frustration regarding “help after the fact” is also based in finding the common language for communication, and this involves active listening on all levels, including subtle and energetic resonance. Sometimes, the least productive act can be to offer a tissue to someone who is depressed/sad/lost (etc.), as the action can become a statement of “oh, wipe that away, don’t feel like that”, and this invalidates the person and the perception of their feelings. The empowerment that can allow for healing and reintegration of self comes from self, so yes, allow the sadness to have it’s say, and this does become a responsibility of both the speaker and the listener. Tears repressed can become inner poison. Tears released can wash you clean. I love your thoughts and insights on this. 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thankyou! And thank you for sharing that with Me :)
      I guess I’ve stumbled along and found my own groove in it all .. well, finding anyway .. and the Indigenous part of Me has come to light over and over again throughout this process … and my job seems to be, letting it Be :)
      Unfortunately, I’ve only found 1 shrink who shares the theory of the clinical psychologist you saw .. and similar, he had watched some of the greatest healing take place in what they deemed to be ‘illness’. I’m not sure what We call it, but Dreamtime sounds pretty apt. It’s only now, that I can start to appreciate the who journey for what it has been. And thank my tipuna (ancestors) for it :)


  2. I’ve always loved the Indigenous way’s of dealing with any kind of mental illness or sadness. They act HUMAN to the one who’se buggered. They love, they don’t judge, they cuddle, they do what is needed, and never ever intrude on the one who is sad, depressed, or whatever’s thoughts. But they ARE there to listen. Buddhists call this ‘gentle listening’…where you let someone talk the hind legs off a donkey about themselves and their shit life, without opinion, or a nod or even a word! You just listen. apparantely that is very healing for the one whose fucked at the time.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Gentle listening … I like that :) Yes, it sounds very similar. Its exactly what we need sometimes. And funny, cos a few days sometimes, of this and, thats all thats needed. No drugs, No longwinded counselling sessions etc.
      I’m intrigued with the buddhist thing … gonna google and do some research – thank you :)


      • It’s a pleasure. You know a lot of the Buddhists ways and beliefs are incredible. Buddhism believes in 4 core values. Check it out. I find that they are SO wise, and funnily enough, their insightful brilliant wisdom, co incides with the ancient philosophers, like Plato, who used the allegory cave theory to explain mans ‘enlightenment’. It’s incredible.
        I think you’ll really get into it, and at the same time, if you’re anything like me, get into the ancient philosophers, before the fucken Christians came along with Constantine and fucked that all up!! Typical Colonialists. Assholes.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I had looked at it briefly, years ago … but wanted to find out more about what my own ancestors practiced before I delved into anothers culture … before the colonial asshats ruined it all ;)


        • Yes, do look into how your ancestors dealt with trauma. They would’ve definitely been correct and helpful and wise. Not like the useless westerners. They know nothing, and lack wisdom, in large amounts! Share what you find out if you don’t mind. Xx

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on meptsdandallthefuckedupshitinbetween and commented:

    Just had too lol.
    Sometimes My way of describing things cracks my shit up.
    So as I’m going through my old posts and re-categorising etc, I happened upon this beauty lol. Turns out, I still agree with my own insightful wisdom ;) and with the newly donned label of mdd to add to the shortlist, I find myself once again, in this predicament – to medicate or not to medicate. And guess what … if I get all medicated up and shit, the ‘professionals’ tick the ‘she’s complied with treatment’ box. Doesn’t mean I get paid more. Also doesn’t mean they offer more or different assistance. Doesn’t mean the fluffy pts(d) and mdd fairies come and wave some wand to make me feel all a wee bit better …. Nope.

    Liked by 1 person

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