I’ve been ruminating on this for a while … I’ve written about it a few times in the past; from my point of view of course.
I’m at it again, because there is a disturbance in the (my) Force and it’ll come tumbling out all slightly messed up as usual … but oh well ;)
We’ve had a few more suicide attempts within the family; a couple of deaths; couple near misses; the earth (Paptuanuku) has been flexing her muscles which sends unease throughout the masses; … Theres grief and perplexity abounding all round. Not obvious; but it’s there.
So as the Suicide Hotline numbers are topic 1 on the family Newsfeeds at the moment, and there’s an outpouring of “I’m here if you want to talk … anytime” sentiment tagged onto these Hotline messages; and Topic 2 is Depression and what you should do if you think your depressed … *not feel ashamed *talk to someone *get help … being the top 3 suggestions …. I am left wondering the following:
- If we really gave a shit about people / family / those in grief / those struggling; why do we offer assistance only after the fact?
- Why is the go to anecdote have to do with how sad we once felt and how we ‘chinned’ up and ‘soldiered on’?
- Why is the reason to anything we don’t really understand, to do with sadness, have to be labelled as “Depression”?
- Does the title Depression make Us feel more comfortable, rather than Sadness?
Don’t get me wrong, Depressive Disorder / Depression in any sense of the word / label is a bitch, no doubt. I was raised around plenty of depressives … I get it.
What I wonder though .. is, were they really depressed? Or is that just the clinical term given to those who then have a legitimate reason to be drugged? By labelling them as such, do we then get to tuck them all neatly away in the corner, drugged up, still rocking … but labelled, so at least we know what ‘that’ is?
From my own groove; I’ve been given more drugs for Depression than I care to remember. No-one actually did a blood test and said … Yes, your whats’its are low and a good dose of this shit will increase those whats’its and you should be all tip top again in at least a decade. No, they questioned me. They ticked a few boxes and because I ticked the ‘depressive’ category, they prescribed.
The problem with questions, from one perspective, or an ‘anti-wholistic’ perspective – is they only ‘fit’ a generalised populace. And generally, that populace, depending on what it is … is white, mid age, mid class … not, indigenous, not sensitive, not artistic, not unique. Generalised, is just that. Unfortunately, generalised is not really the ‘norm’.
So, back to the drugging aspect of this all … the drugs ‘they’ have prescribed for me over the years include most on Wikipedias List of Antidepressants excluding those that aren’t available in NZ and Lithium.
Fast forward to 2016, and after nearly 2 decades on, some clever fucker decides to look a little wider, noticing that there might be more to this than meets the naked eye … that Me doesn’t display all the A Typical symptoms of Depression / Depressive Disorder …. Whoa … brilliant … we label this one with PTS(D) instead. Now lets try medicating this bitch with other shit …
Hold the fuck up I say … No more medication.
If they misdiagnosed, mis-medicated for nearly 2 decades; like fuck will I let them continue doing that! Because somehow they got brighter and smarter over the last 20 years?? Well, thats what the last lot said.
Now, I’m not bashing the medical System (well, not completely) … my point is …
I know ME … if I’m left to figure it out … I know ME. Therefore I know what I need.
Which brings me to where I’m at now.
But slightly of track with the rest of my ramble …
Back to the Newsfeed Depressives and Suicide peeps.
Whether they’re truly depressed or not, I’m uncertain. I know they’re sad; that much is clear. So they toodle off to the doctors who prescribes one of a trillion possible anti-depressants. ‘Go home, take these .. back to work Monday’. Couple years later, after a dozen or more ‘trials’ of medication have unfolded … but they’re still living a ‘productive’ life … they try and Top themselves … and we all sit back and go, Fuck … didn’t see that coming … ???!!!
Why? How? How did we not see that coming?
I believe medication isn’t designed to cure us, just placate us. If it placates us, where does everything that caused the sadness go??
It got me wondering, what my tipuna (ancestors) did, pre-colonial days, when someone was ‘sad’.
And heres what I found out:
When someone was deemed to be sad, or depressed … unable to engage or talk … they were taken into the whare or community house … where everyone worked and met and talked … the ‘sad’ person, was able to rest / sleep, on a mat in the centre … they were surrounded by their loved ones, who continued to go about their daily business … but would also feed the person, touch them, tell them stories, laugh, cry … love them. And this went on for as long as it needed to. It went on for as long as the ‘sad’ person needed it to.
And you know what … I dig that way of doing things! And i guess, it’s what I’m doing for myself now.
….. Lastly, the suicide topic … ….
I don’t think i agree with suicide, but I get it. Been there, done that and I get it. Is it preventable?
Most of Us want the fight to be over … we want the sadness to be over … we want acceptance … just to be left to be who and what we are … what ever that form may be.
The only way I can see for any of us to find that … is to create it for ourselves.
I’m still pissed at those that have left me; taken their own lives … but I get it! And those that have tried and been ‘unsuccessful’ and look like they are getting better but are just actually waiting for an opportunity to try again … I get that too … and I can see it on You.
To those that I love … If you do, I hope you find peace. For those that don’t, I hope you also find peace.
There … think I’m finished that for now …
For now ;)