As horrific as it sounds, pts(d) / sexual violence – has shaped who I am today.
Does that mean it is part of my mauri? I’m not sure … but I know its effects run deep … it’s nightmares still touch my psyche / my soul.
I’m trying to work that out – live with it – reconcile it.
It’s a bitch.
And on the really hard days, there are some things – some methods – that I have developed to help me relieve the anger – the gnawing frustration.
This is my favourite one:
And definitely not for the faint hearted. Not all those that know the reality of sexual assault / violence will appreciate this … but for Me … it fills Me with joy. Sheer, vengeful joy … that No amount of talking, explaining, acknowledging or letting go, will ever compare too.
_____ Take One Movie:
“The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”
…. Fast forward to “the girl with the dragon tattoo torture scene” … which by the way is so named as a clip on YouTube! With 92, 776 views, it just shows how relieving the whole scene can be for someone like Me ;) If you want the entire scene, whereby Lisbeth Salander tattoos “I am a Rapist Pig” on the gutts of the man who has raped her; you’ll have to peruse the archives a little more … not such a popular clip with joe blow public.
But for Me … These two clips … actually the entire movie … are immensely relieving.
I look forward to the day, that my dreams turn to a scene like these. Where it is Me that is exacting the torture; not the other way around.