and again

we tried,

i tried,

he tried.

its been so good.

and as it got quiet,

peaceful and still.

skin to skin

warm and reassuring.

a sharp shift

of smell,

not skin.

a refocus,

of him,

now not him.

so fast

it happens.

he felt the shift.

knew straight away.

thank fuck.

and before i could breath

out,

remind myself

that it wasn’t then,

that it is now

i came undone…

frozen

then shaken,

then tears,

then that fucked up choke

then…

breath dear, breath

so cruel it is,

to be so close

but slapped back

so far

anaesthetised

to

sleep

warm tears still

that sting like a bitch

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Powerful. PTSD and flashbacks are a bitch

    Liked by 1 person

    1. me says:

      Thankyou <3 and yes they certainly are! I thought the panic was my nemesis … but these are proving to be more a bitch a.t.m.!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My therapist likes mindfulness meditation but it not instinctive yet enough for me that I actually remember it when I am panicked or triggered.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. me says:

          Ah yes … its more of a lifestyle change/practice, otherwise, like you say, it doesn’t kick in on time.
          I hope it works for you eventually though <3

          Liked by 1 person

        2. It would certainly be more effective if I practiced daily!

          Liked by 1 person

        3. me says:

          Yeah, I figured that out by trial and horrendous error ;) I just start small, 2-3 minutes in the shower, or when your having your coffee etc … seemed to work better for me like that xo

          Liked by 1 person

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