there once was: a probs defs, part figity #5

oh

and we were ‘blending families’.

what a crock.

well at the time it was a crock.

trying to take care of my girl and part time his.

his by his rules. mine by mine. that part we never got blended.

entree … the next big ass barney.

taught to be outspoken, she asks: did you take my money?

the reaction: chairs thrown, insults thrown, me thrown, her thrown.

pou-pou called … again.

and in amongst it all, my girl had tried to protect me.

her protecting me.

‘how the fuck did i get here’

‘and how the fuck did i let her be here with me’

we split.

we went to court.

we lost.

have i ever said our DV laws are a crock of shit?

they are.

we were the criminals. we were the ones harassed.

we gave up in the end.

angry, i retreated.

and yes, this was the demise of self. the shadow to cast all shadows.

the medication. the land dizzy days. the long sleepless-er nights.

the job. gone.

the income. gone.

the driving. gone.

the outings. gone.

all gone.

and me.

gone.

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