updates please

It’s been a few hazy dazy confusing and slightly stressful weeks. Not anything specific, just a build up I think.

My head has been pounding for weeks and my shoulders feel as tight as a bitch, and I’m pretty sure thats what adding to the tip. I’m still on 1/3 antihistamine and as was the plan, I won’t drop it again till everything else settles down. No use pouring petrol on an already roaring fire aight!

Add to this, my gutts is doing some interesting things; whatever it is, it’s adding to the anxiety … my nemesis!

So back to the basics: the deep breathing … trying to relax my body … focusing on whats important and flipping the rest … I ended up taking a 1/4 sedative today though, just to try balance shit out.

*I note, 2 houses have just been sold: the one next door to us and the one over the road, and these money makers have decided to renovate before they sell on. I have nothing against renovations, however, all the noise puts me on edge. Me and noise – especially power tool kinds of noise – seem to fuck with feng shui massively. This then sets off my eye sight – every thing starts feeling way to bright – brighter than it actually is and that messes with my head. Yesterday i was walking round the house with industrial ear muffs on, and ear plugs in, and dark sun glasses on! Amusing to an on looker no doubt, but I was doing my do and trying to minimise the effects. I still needed the sedative today though.

And then just cos … my dreams have decided to torment me again. They had eased a lot, but seem to have returned with vengeance. Some are the usual horrific-ness. But most are somewhere between a really busy day and a flashback. I can smell everything … feel everything. There’s peeps showing up in my dreams that I haven’t seen in years … there’s family members I haven’t seen in years either … some dead, some not so dead lol. Then theres the continuous feeling of dread.

And that dread is feature #1 of pts fucking d.

And so here I am … unfolding … trying to get to the bottom of my deal before I need a little more than a 1/4 sedative!

Que Music Therapy ;)


2 thoughts on “updates please

  1. UGH I hear ya! My neighbor is using a chainsaw to cut down almost an acre of treeland bit by bit. Day after day hacking away with it definitely is adding to me feeling on edge and eventually leads to a migraine type feeling and nausea (I might need to borrow your headmuffs/sunglasses idea). I usually try to drowned him out with music. I wonder if maybe the extra stress on your subconscious with all the outside noise and movement going on is maybe forcing your mind to overthink during your sleep cycles resulting in more vivid dreaming lately. Good luck unfolding everything, while its not always a good experience, it’s usually needed and afterwards maybe you’ll get some more restful nights with better dreams. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Whew … I’m glad someone gets it ! And i do think you’re right there … everything is doing an ‘over think’ atm. Thankyou … btw I ended up just having another sedative before bed so I could actually get some sleep .. as we know, no sleep adds to the fuckery ;)


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