It’s been a few hazy dazy confusing and slightly stressful weeks. Not anything specific, just a build up I think.
My head has been pounding for weeks and my shoulders feel as tight as a bitch, and I’m pretty sure thats what adding to the tip. I’m still on 1/3 antihistamine and as was the plan, I won’t drop it again till everything else settles down. No use pouring petrol on an already roaring fire aight!
Add to this, my gutts is doing some interesting things; whatever it is, it’s adding to the anxiety … my nemesis!
So back to the basics: the deep breathing … trying to relax my body … focusing on whats important and flipping the rest … I ended up taking a 1/4 sedative today though, just to try balance shit out.
*I note, 2 houses have just been sold: the one next door to us and the one over the road, and these money makers have decided to renovate before they sell on. I have nothing against renovations, however, all the noise puts me on edge. Me and noise – especially power tool kinds of noise – seem to fuck with feng shui massively. This then sets off my eye sight – every thing starts feeling way to bright – brighter than it actually is and that messes with my head. Yesterday i was walking round the house with industrial ear muffs on, and ear plugs in, and dark sun glasses on! Amusing to an on looker no doubt, but I was doing my do and trying to minimise the effects. I still needed the sedative today though.
And then just cos … my dreams have decided to torment me again. They had eased a lot, but seem to have returned with vengeance. Some are the usual horrific-ness. But most are somewhere between a really busy day and a flashback. I can smell everything … feel everything. There’s peeps showing up in my dreams that I haven’t seen in years … there’s family members I haven’t seen in years either … some dead, some not so dead lol. Then theres the continuous feeling of dread.
And that dread is feature #1 of pts fucking d.
And so here I am … unfolding … trying to get to the bottom of my deal before I need a little more than a 1/4 sedative!
Que Music Therapy ;)