Man issues, that is.
Don’t get me wrong; I understand all men aren’t ignorami, but appears to me at the moment, there are no holds barred on the amount of ignorance I am experiencing by said Men.
Yesterday was the partner … and that continues, unspoken about, today. As usual. And I know it’ll pass eventually, when he gets his fix of ‘man-dom’.
And then there is the Father … again.
He has recently returned to the country he’s been residing in for the past 30 odd years. No, I didn’t see him. He left in a tizzy, and thats too bad really.
Well, we spoke the other day.
Another long convoluted ‘discussion’ about ‘the land’.
After reflection re not saying what I actually wanted too … I decided to ‘gently’ (well, as gently as I am capable of) let him know where I stood … again.
He wants to set up a Land Trust, with all owners of the land he intends to build on. Why? Because a. He needs permission to do so. b. The Maori Land Court has ‘advised’ this is what is needed.
Now my Father and I have walked two very different paths in life.
His, in a nutshell, has been to run away from all things Indigenous (Maori); deny all things Indigenous; belittle all things Indigenous. He still believes the Crown (government) has his (and our) best interests at heart and we should believe everything they espouse. There’s reasons for this obviously, but again, thats another post.
My path: As a part Indigenous brown girl; and a non-looking white girl – I’ve had to make peace (still making peace actually) with both sides of my heritage. I have a unique way of doing that, and at the moment, it works for Me. In making peace though, I did a lot of study on Indigenous history and the colonisation of our land, people and culture … What that has meant for Us and where and how we deal with that … ‘moving forward’ (another post for another day).
So, in a nutshell … I don’t do Crown initiatives, or Crown ‘suggestions’ … I definitely don’t follow any format they suggest without researching the living shit out of it first. Because it has always, and I mean always, been to Indigenous detriment, to adhere to their recommendations.
I’ve tried to tell my Father this, on a number of occasions. I’ve also said that if he doesn’t share my beliefs, thats fine … but under no circumstances will I be joining any kind of Trust, Family or Land, and I won’t be a trustee. Why? Because why do We, the Indigenous; the owners of our own land, need to form some type of structure to govern or manoeuvre what we do with that land? Why are only the Indigenous, Us, advised to form a Land Trust to deal with our land?
The short answer, is apparently: Because We can’t get along and can’t organise ourselves.
For Me, this screams all kinds of fuckery. You see, We, the Indigenous, managed to organise ourselves well enough to defeat every colonial onslaught that invaded this country for land and lives. Every single time we defeated them. The colonial assholes ‘won’ in the end by sheer numbers which they’d borrowed from their home country and the other countries they had colonised. As our number depleted, they replenished theirs. Oh, and not to mention, our numbers had depleted horrendously from the diseases they brought with them that we were not immune too. Again, another post, another day.
Anywho … These are reasons I won’t partake in Crown initiatives, and I am also not interested in their money. When the family form this Trust, they will be entitled to rather hefty government ‘grants’. What they haven’t taken into consideration, is that those hefty grants come with hefty ‘fine print’. Usually, again, to the detriment of Us. So while the short term gain of the almighty dollar seems Ok, the long term loss, is not worth it, in my opinion. Also … my question is always: Why do we need their money? Apparently I am being naive. I believe they are being stupid.
My Father doesn’t get any of this. And at this stage of the game, I’m not asking him too. Just to respect that thats how I see it. I’ve also told him that I’ll support him as best I can … but it won’t be how he imagines it.
So, after dropping this little slash large morsel on him – he gets off the phone … And collapses, hits his head and is unconscious.
His wife rang yesterday and says that his blood pressure is low and his heart is playing up again and is back in hospital.
Do I feel sympathy? No.
Do I feel guilt? No.
Am I an awful bitch? Probs.
And this is the result of ‘saying what I mean’. Hmmm.