it goes like this …

The day started off pretty good … ‘normal’, for Me.

I got my shizz ready to go to the shop … yes, it’s still a struggle, but I’m trying …

I get outside and half way down the road and my phone rings. The phone call I’ve been waiting for from the ACC cunts is coming through. Now? Of course Now … Why? Because I’m Me, that’s Why.

Decision time: To take the call whilst trying to walk to the shop; trying to maintain my shizz – the lights, the noises … trying to calm my freaking farm … Choosing to take the call that I’ve been waiting waiting waiting for … OR

Wait … till god knows when, for them to ring back.

Decision made to take the phone call.

Arrgh. And she spirals down from there.

Nearly at the shop and trying to listen to this woman belt on about the next ‘assessment’ process, whilst she keeps calling me ‘sweetie’ and ‘love’ … both condescending ‘you poor mentally injured soul’ terms of reference that peeps love to pull out so they seem all sympathetic and understanding and shit … and the inevitable happens …

Panic Attack.

Do I sit down on the curb side and breathe deep or fluster fuck myself all the way home and deep breath. Option 2 taken and I barely made it in the door.

ACC twat rounded off her conversation and all I gleaned from it was:

‘The next available appointment is around the end of August’ and ‘No amount of money is ever going to compensate what you have been through’ … which is code for; ‘We are going to pay you sweet fuck all because to Us, you really are nothing but a number who we are not really wanting to pay out anything for – so brace yo’self … for sweet fuck all’.

Oh My Fuck.

So, inside my door, the inevitable melt down happened. Tears and snot and trying to catch my breath and getting my hands over my ears …

And the partner goes:

‘You alright’

Not a question  so much as a statement; intended to get the tears to stop, because they make him most uncomfortable … oh and he has a cold sore which is way way more intense than anything I’m experiencing Pfft …

So as the meltdown continues and I’m trying to wrap my funky little head round myself … it occurs to Me …

I am the strongest person I know.

And like everything else, I’ll deal with this bitch just as heartily as I do everything else. It may not be an elegant process or outcome … but it’ll be a Me outcome.

Oossh and double Oossh, Me.

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4 thoughts on “it goes like this …

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