done and done

I had my big ass assessment this morning … holy hell, what a mission. I was nervous … so nervous, my tummy has been in knots for days.

But now its over, thank fuck!

Aside from the obvious, which I survived to tell the tale, I gleaned a few tidbits I am ruminating on.

  1. Our health, particularly our mental health, system, is fucked. As per usual, my descriptions are ‘layman-womans’ terms. Now this news is nothing new; however today I got another awakening to just how stitched up everything is. After wading my nervous, semi sedated self through the myriad of questions relating to ‘permanent impairment’, I discovered that our health system rates permanent impairment in levels. Under 30% permanent impairment means – whilst you may not be able to hold down a job, or drive, or socialise, or talk on the phone, or be alone, or leave the house – if you are not in an institution and on medication, you are fine. Another words, 30% is the cap before they haul you off to the nut house and jab you with drool inducing meds. As this reality dawned on me during the assessment, 2 things happened.
  2. I became very aware that I didn’t want to rate over 30%.
  3. I became very aware that the likely-hood of receiving anymore than $35 a week for ‘permanent impairment’ was nil.
  4. Which brings me back to point 1.

I left that office slightly grateful that I hadn’t been institutionalised at any time. It would have killed me if I had. I shit you not. Me – Caged? Fuck No. It can’t happen.

But I was also very aware that my dance with ACC is grinding to a rather unproductive halt. It has been an exercise in asserting and flexing my rights, for sure. As far as having a productive outcome … well, apparently I am entitled to a life times worth of counselling slash psychologist intervention. Oh and mind bending medication if I so wish to be mind bent.

What struck me whilst answering all those rather intrusive questions, was that interacting with ‘the health system’ makes me feel more unhealthy. How is that possible? I’m unsure. Maybe because with every question about concentration or socialisation, I am trying to figure out what is deemed as normal. No I don’t interact with many people. But on a whole I don’t find people very interact-able. When I tried to explain this, I actually ended up sounding reasonably mad – even to myself lol.

You see (and I’ve talked about this before), when I go somewhere – meet people -just enter a place really – theres a shit tonne of things that happen. I was trying to relay this reality today.

When I arrived for my appointment, this is what I noted:

  • There are two large slow moving sliding glass doors to get into before you enter.
  • Not an easy exit.
  • 2 ladies sat at the front desk.
  • Mellow, low, horrid music in the background. It’s source was in the corner of the foyer.
  • 1st woman recked of cheap perfume.
  • 2nd was more interested in her lunch. It was 8.50am.
  • The lights were seedy. Lots of them. Meaning it was bright.
  • No open windows.
  • 1 door open, to files room, to the left of me.
  • Waiting room – large, hospital set up.
  • 2 large ugly pictures on far wall.
  • 2 framed ‘signs’. 1 about phones and photos.
  • 1 large ugly picture behind me.
  • toy box to the right in the corner.
  • water cooler far left.
  • it smelt dusty but cleaned.

And thats not the office. And this is me on an unobservant day.

So hows my concentration?

I don’t know how to answer that.

What I know is, it’s all fucking tiring.

Anyways … I am here … I survived. I still hate the system and I’m still unsocial lol.

On a lighter and nicer note: We are now waiting for the impending birth of moko #5 :)

My partners daughter went into labour this morning and this is her first baby. If she’s anything like her mother, her labour and birth should be quite short. But bubbys have a way of doing what they please :) It was moko #4s 3rd birthday yesterday, so we will end up with 2 birthdays close together which is kinda cool.

Right, I’m going to find some chocolate and make a cup of tea.


kpm ©


 

4 thoughts on “done and done

  1. Congratulations on surviving. I hate institutional medicine too. I only go to the doctor for dope-me-up drugs or stitches. Maybe for extreme pain on occasion. For the rest…they are useless.

    • Thanks!! I absolutely agree …
      And pretty much the same here … except for antibiotics if i absolutely need them … thought about learning to stitch myself lol … (I’ve watched enough of those action movies where they stitch themselves up eekkk)

      And of course, having to get them to fill in forms argh, they’re even useless there too.

  2. That sounds… exhausting. I’m not sure how the mental health system is wherever you are, but in Texas, it’s almost non-existant– insurance doesn’t pay for much, hospitals are a place for people to basically “take a breather” after any kind of breakdown, and follow-ups are a joke. At least, in the institutions they are. If you can function “normally” in society, then it’s your responsibility to get the right kind of help for you, which typically looks like either bullshit meetings with a psychotherapist or getting doped to smithereens, courtesy of a psychiatrist. Oh, and all the waiting rooms I’ve sat in look pristine, but reek of drugs and depression. Glad you made it out in one piece.

    • Oh wow … I had heard this. I’m in New Zealand. And to a certain extent, it looks like our ‘system’ is heading towards what you have. But because it had been ‘better’, or under the guise of something better; it’s quite obvious that it’s deteriorating – rapidly!!
      I feel like I got ripped off and dodged a bullet today, so its an odd mixture. And what I know of our ‘institutions’ here, they are nearly non-existent … but the drool drugs are plentiful. The whole thing pisses me off.
      But yes, I came out in one piece and thats got to be a bonus ;)
      Thanks for stopping by I commenting :) I appreciate it! <3

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