todays experiment …

I’ve bleated on about my super duper sensitive hearing many times before on this blog. This is kind of one of those … but not really ;)

Pts(d) and all its glory … means that my hearing has alerted Me to ‘danger’ and has also been the trigger for my adrenaline to start pumping. Yah. It’s a continuous battle between ‘over-hearing’ and not hearing at all. It’s always seemed necessary to hear, so I am alerted to some impending doom and can therefore respond … and Not being able to hear, like over certain loud noises etc, has also sent Me into a panic fuck at times … because I can’t hear. Grrr.

Well the other day I HAD to go to the shop … theres no other cunt here and I needed smokes … yes I know … the shit you’ll go to the shop for!!

So I drugged up … of course … and still felt panicky as fuck. I had my usuals … sunglasses, orange, my stick, my music etc, and was feeling like a super retard but didn’t particularly give a flying fuck (thanks to the drugs :) ) … but I was still floating on a level 6 panic fuck.

I decided to ring my daughter for moral support … cos that might help … according to one of those self help manual thingees. And she was lovely and it helped … sort of … I got off the phone and was at a 4 – 4 1/2 maybe. But still not confident about being out in the big wide world … *rolling my eyeballs here … theres nothing like reviewing shit after the fact argh ….*

Somewhere in there it occurred to Me to put my ear plugs in.

Well … my fuck …

Everything dropped into near silence … including my insides.

At a semi confident 1 – 1 1/2, I set off to the shop.

No fucking sweat!!!

OMFG … why hadn’t I done this earlier in my life???

So, just in case it was a fluke, I am experimenting with these puppies today to see if it decreases the anxiety ~ panic fuck!!

So far I’ve missed one phone call and all the noise coming from the neighbours thumping around. I can still hear D’Angelo playing off’ve my computer (yes, super duper hearing) … but all the other ‘white noise’ or background noise is cut out!

Because I usually get jumpy when Not being able to hear, I had to do a little assessment of what was better at this time … what I could deal with.

My doors are locked … I have weapons in case of surprise attack … the usual stuff. And I think I’ll be alright if I miss a door knock or if someone shows up un-announced … it usually scares the shit out of Me whether I can hear it or not!

So, I think I’m prepared.

I’ll let you know how it goes and if anyone gets hurt :)

kpm ©


4 thoughts on “todays experiment …

    • Hahaha your welcome! I’m going to try a new lot in a few months )when I can afford to buy them) they apparently don’t absorb the noise like a ‘normal’ earplug, they just cancel the noise right out (not completely though) … thats what I need! :)

  1. Hmmmm so I must ask you mentioned unwanted guests and weapons, I wonder say those lovely most wonderful religious persons come a knocking unannounced if they have ever got a surprise, I dare not ask if they would as I think we both know the answer to that one lol…

    • LOL … Yes they have! But no religious persons have ever been harmed during their unannounced arrivals lol .. they tend to just look at whatever I’m holding (usually a golf club) and then announce ‘have a good day ma’am’ and leave haha … the desired effect ;)

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