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sexual politics of religion: pt 3

following on from the other day and post:

i was having a hard time getting my head round the whole thing, but it’s sorta coming together.

.

being raised in mainstream christianity compounded being sexually assaulted. where they should have been showering the love of jesus, they were trying to control me … as an outcome. they wanted a good little christian brown girl and what they were seeing was not that.

i get all that now.

what also occurred to me though, was in that environment there is no room to be thyself let alone explore your options. there is after all, only one option and thats ‘gods’ option. straight, white, male, conformist.

it took awhile to realise i wasn’t white. and that no amount of appeasing the white christians was going to make me white.

i was definitely no male.

straight? well that was a given … after all, brown girls are better on their backs after all … and then cleaning up and repenting for their brown ancestors.

and conformist i was not and am not.

i had questions and no answers.

i think what disturbs but is that in this environment, which isn’t unlike the rest of society really … how is a person supposed to be comfortable in their ethnicity, sexuality, chosen gender and role?

there is no room for figuring that shit out and becoming all that you were intended to be.

instead we fight.

fight to be heard.

fight to figure shit out.

fight to be.

but when do we stop fighting?

when is it alright to just be? to just explore? to just figure out what fits?

i guess my point i am making to myself really; is that the time to relax and figure out who and what i am … what i like … what i Want to express … what i Want to say …

is Now.

the present.

my hope for my grand babies, is that will be able to explore everything they want to be … figure out for themselves what they believe in and whats worth believing in. i hope in doing so, they’ll save themselves a hell of a lot of years fighting and fighting some more.

they’ve got bigger and better things to do.


kpm ©


 

2 thoughts on “sexual politics of religion: pt 3

  1. Reading this bought back some old memories and thinking for me, thank you. I needed to remember, I was first drawn to Wicca (as a religion) because I needed something bigger in my life than the day to day world, so I deliberately looked around for something. Most of what I found was seeking to control, to tell me what bits of me had to go before I could be ‘saved’. Eventually, I found Wicca, and I felt that I had always known it. The philosophy behind it is personal growth and acceptance of all that the gods had made. The gods were many and varied and I could choose among them as the need required, without rejecting other gods, I could be whoever I wanted to be as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone and I had only one deal to make. That deal was with the Great Mother; was I willing to take the bad times with the good? Wicca is about balance in all things, and it has helped me become more balanced, and more myself. It is not for everyone, we all have our own path, but it is for me and I am happy to be reminded why I chose this path.

    • ae!! thats cool ! i don’t know a lot about wicca, what i think i understand though is its closer to ‘our’ indigenous beliefs re gods, earth, balance, appreciation, loving and living, than what they peddle now.
      good on you xxx

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