anger & justice

I’ve been told, through various mediums – societal, religious, familial – most of my life that, anger…or the out working of it….is not an ‘acceptable’ emotion to have or to relay. That we should rid ourselves of all anger and outbursts and live in a more peaceful type, Zen like state. I’ve accepted this theory way too easily I think…reasoning that it is right, because it sounds right.

However….I’m coming to realise, that anger, or the outworking of it, is more ‘uncomfortable’ instead of unacceptable. By uncomfortable, I mean for those around me. When anger is present or being presented, there are the usual tattles in the background from bystanders…”you need to let it go”, “you need to forgive”, “your being irrational and emotional”, “you sound crazy”, “you need to find your happy place”. To name but a few.

But it is accepted that anger turned ‘inwards’ leads to depression. Anger turned ‘outwards’ leads to violence. Why is there no middle ground? Or haven’t I found it yet.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an ‘advocate’ for random violence. I’m just wondering if I’ve been directed away from the middle ground or anything that is remotely associated with laying responsibility for an action, squarely on the shoulders of a perpetrator.

Quite bluntly, why is it that all that rage, that makes everyone in my world feel uncomfortable, including me; isn’t directed at the source of its creation? Why is ‘that person’ not held accountable; held violently accountable actually, for their depravity?

I once had a white South African female GP tell me, with regards to violation, that ‘our kind’ were far to complacent. At first I was offended, by the, “your kind” statement, but what she was actually referring to were the current people of our NZ culture – or white NZ. I just didn’t understand her at the time.

She relayed a general story of sexual violation of a child and the consequences of such an act, from her cultural point of view.

“……if I was raped, as a child or adult, one of a few things would have happened….my grandfather would have killed him, my father would have killed him, my uncles would have killed him….if it was a family member that did the raping…the same thing would happen to them ….if that didn’t transpire, and the rapist managed to get away from the family…he would be dealt with by the courts. But not like here. When they are locked up…for any length of time…it would be common place to make sure that they are placed into a cell with a ‘big’ cell mate, who had full blown AIDS….. ‘You people’ are far too accepting of the unacceptable…”

I got what she meant after that.

kpm ©


7 thoughts on “anger & justice

  1. That is a sort of ‘eye for an eye’ philosophy and I get where you are coming from. That anger that runs so deep has to have somewhere to run itself dry. However, it also has to have an end; it can’t be a case of continued and ingrained anger, because that shit spreads and before you know it you are angry at everything and everyone (been there). It’s a healing thing to vent anger and even more healing to let it go when that anger is satisfied.

    • ;) I think I’m slowly coming to the end of that angry phase … slowly lol.
      When I first wrote this piece, that incident was about 5 years prior to that … and the concept of venting anger wasn’t even on my radar … but I knew I was too sick (physically) for it too be ‘normal’. It was that doctor that picked up that there was probably something else going on .. (they found ulcers later … go figure …). She just randomly told me this story and I knew it rang true for me , you know when you get that feeling lol. At this stage, everyone I was around was in deep denial about virtually everything .. .still expected me to smile and wave lol … so 7-8 years later, and after a lot of ‘culling’ and venting … I’m getting there ;) I reckon its a necessary part of the process, but one us women seem to get told to skip quickly across.

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