11 ks ay …


i managed to drive 11 ks out of our little town, right up to the main state highway.


(shit photo i know, soz)

& when i got there, i was super proud of myself … of course lol & then …

i freaked out! big fat L O L. yep i had’a size 8 panic fuck cos i was excited cos i got that far;  which went to a 9.5 once i realised i hadn’t brought some of my ‘lessen-panic-fuck’ mojo with me & was starting to have a hot flush!

fuck me!

wtf the was i thinking!

however … upside is, obviously, i made it back!

i rang my mama whilst i was out there next to all the action lol, & told her how proud i was :)

so, she decided to come celebrate with me … coffee & cake of course!

i think that’s part of what got me home actually.

as proud as i was of my blelf, i learnt a few valuable lessons. one of course being, ‘double check yo bag bitch! before you leave the house!’ ; second …

as much as i want to be alright, i learned-did this day, that i’m not alright. not completely. & it’s gonna take a lot more small steps before i can drive freely.

when i got out to the main highway i was quite overwhelmed by all the noise & the movement of all the cars. the picture doesn’t portray that, but it was busier than what i was used too. & for all these years, i haven’t been able to navigate around all the extra noise & movement so have managed what i could. so, as i try to take more of all that stuff on again, its no wonder i felt overwhelmed.

i was absolutely fucking munted when i got home & ended up sleeping for like an hour!

even the following day, i slept in & felt like i had been run over by a fucking bus when i did wake up. i still feel a bit shattered actually, but am getting there.

good lesson learnt though. & a few exhausted moments are definitely worth it.

next time i’ll be more prepared.

yes there’ll be a next time. & little bit further afield <3

kpm ©


6 thoughts on “11 ks ay …

  1. Oh, congratulations!!! The Busy (people, noise, movement) can be like a wave washing over you can’t it? Like being washed around at the bottom of the ocean by huge waves and not knowing which way is up, can’t breathe and terrified to make a mistake that will make it worse (at least, that’s how it has been for me from time to time).

    • oh yes!! that’s a perfect description! & accurate as in this case …
      i parked to the side of the road (pre-destined park lol) in what i thought would be perfect safety till i got my bearings. how-ever .. just as i was getting my shit together to turn around and head back, a truck parked on the other side of the road from me, effectively blocking my ‘u-turn space’. it meant i had to dig deep for stuff i had forgotten about driving & i felt like i was in danger, which i was really lol .. where i had parked was fine for seeing on coming traffic, but not what was coming from behind. zero visibility! after freaking out i completed a very slow 3 point turn lol, facing me in the other direction & i could only see what was coming through a small gap in the trees. i pretty much ended up crossing my fingers and flooring it, hoping to high heavens nothing was coming!
      not ideal at all!
      years previous, i would have zipped up the road, turned around in one of the drive ways and back down the other side, but that wave of grizzly fear knew there was no way in hell i could manoeuvre the main road safely. it took me all of my strength to stay semi focussed on not completely hyperventilating ! so not cool.
      its a horrendous feeling. i guess i’ve managed to manage it in the minimal amount of shit that i do, but taking on new stuff just steps everything up a notch. i’m trying really hard to not let put me off and focus on what i did achieve … even if it was a close call ;)

      & thankyou <3

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