i have tried, over the last couplely years, to make sure i ‘celebrate’ my ‘achievements’; even the small, seemingly meaningless things. cos a. no other cunt is going to congratulate a bitch & b. cos even those extremely minuscule things remind me that its all fucking progress.
*insert an over over the top eye ball roll here*
& i am way behind on congratulatory notes for moi.
so here’s a little of said ‘achievements’ & what i intend on doing to high five the fuck out of myself!
- youngest mokos birthday party : i’ve been working on these over the last 2 years. & my youngest moko turned 1 a couple weeks ago. i had prepared hard out for this & was about as ready as i was ever going to be. what i did different this time? .. i made time to worry about what might happen & how i could deal with it. & then i made time for stopping worrying about it. yes you read that right. i scheduled in days to not worry. lol. i figured i had tried all the other bullshit that sometimes works & sometimes doesn’t, but i hadn’t actively made time to NOT worry. & as absurd as it sounds, it fucking worked lol. by the time bubbas birthday rolled around i was ready. & i attended whole-heartedly ready to enjoy myself & enjoy him <3 it was a beautiful thing!! hard core achievements though, included an indoors ‘play-ground’, packed full of strangers including strange smells, bright lights & fucking loud kids LOL. & i did it & enjoyed it & managed it & bailed when i knew my shit had had enough. … how am i going to congratulate myself : purchasing 2 large beeswax candles that have been on my list of ‘things to get eventually’. eventually has arrived ;)
- 2 days after mokos birthday, i had my (hopefully) final ACC assessment : the ACC fuckery has been ongoing for bloody ages & this round is about a stable weekly income & ongoing assistance with ‘rehabilitation’ (pfft) & work outcomes (rolling eyeballs all the way to the back of my fucking head). pretty much, if i can get a steady income they’ll assist with the rest to get me off the steady income. … pause for dramatic and ironic effect … yep you heard right. anyways, this process is in it’s 2nd year. so, any of these appointments make me extremely nervous & nauseated & thats aside from the pts(d) bullshit. soooo, yes, i planned the fuck out of this appointment & did what i had done for the birthday. i planned days to worry & strategise management & days to NOT worry at.all! & guess what fuckers … it worked!!! i managed that appointment like a bloody professional lol & made sure i took the following day to chill the fuck out. i am well pleased with myself! & duly noted : even though ACC has said this is the final part of the process & assessments before the make their decision, i am not taking their word for it. unlike like my previous encounters with them & working towards ‘the final’ of all sorts of bullshit reports, requests, appointments & assessments ; this time i am banking on someone fucking up & requiring some extra information, requiring me to turn my shit inside out yet again. yep, i’ve planned for it ;) so, this week i celebrate what i achieved @ this appointment & i am going to go & do breakfast on the beach in a few days time <3 . & then i’m going to make a list of anything else i want to do / buy / treat myself with, knowing full well, when they fuck up future assessments & i’m required to bend over again : i’ll have a whole list of ‘rewards’ pre-prepared for said bending over LOL.
this all gets me to the biggest achievement of all really :
that i’m learning to ditch the old methods; the tried & true methods that every cunt recommends (nicely of course), for the things that work for ME.
fuck i’m neat alright.