when .. reminisce

Not sure what it happened really. When you stopped talking. Stopped listening. 

or were you always that way?

Was it about the same time as me not being able to meet all your needs ? Or possibly when I decided to focus on saving myself because apparently I wasn’t the same person who you met all those years ago? Or was it when I could no longer give as many fucks as you wanted me to give.

Or was it a culmination of all of the above.

It’s not easy watching you sink away .. eating your own words and regret.

But then I remember.

You left me to fend for myself.

You said it was too hard.

I was too hard.

I’m pretty sure that’s not how love works.

I’m no expert in that department though.

Try as I might, to unfold how we got to this, I find myself asking my Nan .. is this what it was like for you? To be belittled, ignored and largely unloved?


It’s a strange strange thing.

kpm ©


2 thoughts on “when .. reminisce

  1. Conditional love; I will love you as long as you fit inside this box. Maybe we all love that way? I’m no expert either. I can hear the echos between two people, a gradually widening gap where the words drop empty and hard, returning with no meaning and no warmth.

    • maybe we do .. im not sure.
      i watched my grandparents do this .. seemed weird but maybe my normal?
      wasnt till after my nan died i actually saw my grandfathers love for her. or is that regret .. again, not sure x

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