te maemae mama ..

deep deep grief.

buried in there, somewhere.

i can hear the echoes of it.

hey .. its time.

but it feels sad. too sad.

& aside from ..

theres anger.

deep blood drenched anger.

my anger.

to be torn from the inside out.

more years than i care to remember, but do.

all that time.

all that suffocation.

all that subjugation.

for what?

the pleasure of someone else?

& then the anticipation, joy, excitement, fear & desire of creating life.

new life.

life.

& as she became mine.

she was taken.

stolen.

ripped away.

thats how i see it.

feel it.

the dishonour of being fucked after being fucked for so long.

to be told i am inadequate.

not an inadequate fuck.

but an inadequate parent.

mother.

mummy.

to have her stolen.

like my life.

like my breath.

like my innocence.

she got took.

& i blamed.

yes, the grief is deep.

the undeniable irony.

is tormenting.

sad.

anger.

angering.

raging.

but doesnt go anywhere.

just down.

in.

to fester.


kpm©


 

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