today .. was ..

i remember when i first got vertigo, just over 10 years ago now .. i hadn’t linked it to anything else other than having a bad case of the flu and my sinuses being blocked ..

i was about 36-37 then.

i also knew my health wasnt right due to the amount i was vomitting and shitting and the amount of weight i was losing .. oh as well as my hair .. again.

so, i did what we all do.

i went to the doctors.

i got a med cert. i tried to recover and move on.

that was the start of something larger that would suck my energy something fierce.

but at 38ish i had more energy to fight.

im 48 now and i can feel my energy depleting.

sometimes i turn myself inside out to find solutions cos thats the kinda bitch i am.

im solution focussed.

in finding a solution i’ll shred the evidence i have to source the suitable solution. if that dont work ill try something else.

but, i still get chronic vertigo.

& its seems like it worsened with the onset of peri menopause .. insert eyeball roll.

& im still trying to find solutions.

but some days .. ohhh some days .. its all i can do to stand. walking is near impossible. & anything above those 2 things is draining af.

but i take notes.

so that when i have a steady day i can find alternative solutions.

today is one of those days.

its actually about day 3.

and i was reminded of stumbling up stairs back in my 30s, trying to hold on to the railing and not topple over. i decided in that moment i needed to find alternatives to how i did things.

that if i couldn’t drive to get the groceries i could utilise online.

if i couldn’t sit on a chair without feeling wonky id sit on the floor.

that id minimise and reorganise what i needed so it was on hand and i didn’t have to make 10 trips downstairs or bend over and stand up a tonne of times.

& that was the start.

i still sit on floor.

i still utilise online services.

& im still trying to find solutions.

still.

today im tired.

tomorrow i hopefully kick ass again .. hopefully.


kpm©


 

2 thoughts on “today .. was ..

  1. Wow, I have been visiting specialists lately to try to find a cause for my chronic dizziness. I have good days and bad days, but it’s fairly constant dizzy. Yes, I stumble up stairs, and yes, I knock into doorways. Sometimes it’s like I’m drunk (without having a single drink). So far the CT scan, the MRI, the physiotherapy visits and the other tests have shown no cause at all. I keep a record of dizzy days for the doctor, I take my blood pressure when I have a bad dizzy spell… all to no avail. The doctor (a new one at the clinic I have been going to since I was 12) looked at my online records and says I have been reporting dizzy spells for 15 years, and still no answers. Could it be a symptom of our particular life circumstance?

    • wow .. that sounds familiar!!
      for me when it first started, or got particularly bad, they did a MRI & CT scan etc, ear nose and throat checks etc & initially diagnosed hyperventilation syndrome .. right! another words they didn’t know. then as it progressed they diagnosed labyrinthitis & announced it’d clear up with antibiotics, but no. & then as it progressed more they diagnosed Benign Proxysmal Positional Vertigo .. extreme bad vertigo another words. but they couldn’t say why other than crystallised fluid in my ears which they reckoned would dissipate with time. at that point i was medically discharged.
      but it hasn’t subsided & i learned to manage it & mapped it & it definitely comes on worse during my cycle which is why im wondering if peri menopause is effecting it.
      what i do know though, is panic attacks make it worse & vice versa. like a vicious little fucked up cycle all of its own.
      dizziness caused by anxiety (or so they reckon) is symptomatic of ptsd as well.
      its kind of hard to figure out where it all stops and starts.
      my nan had a lot of dizzy spells but in her era they were more likely to give her electric shock ‘therapy’ or a tonne of drugs to sedate.
      i hope you get some answers soon! and id be interested to hear it all goes.
      its a bastardy thing .. you have my utmost sympathy!!! x

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