all sorts of fuckery and non-fuckery going on atm .. honestly looking forward to the ass end of the gregorian 2020, but am guessing the lessons learned-ded throughout, aren’t a one time event.
as much as i’d like to blame 2020 for all my ills & for the ills of the world, i cant.
like my stuff, the shit in the world has always been there, its just made its way to the surface. real fast!! & real hard!!
& that sums it all up really.
it feels like, well for me anyways, i was treading water & slowly finding my feet .. in a weird ass kinda way .. & then some cunt drained the water, replaced it with salt water & a quickly rising & dipping tide. & then … had some little cunt start throwing rocks from the embankment LOL.
funny, but not.
& thats been the groove all year.
pandemics & outright racism aside .. theres been some gobsmacking shit happening all around. i think my hardest reality though, has been realising that some of the those that i thought i knew quite well, have turned out to have less moral substance than they had portrayed. & as gut wrenching as that has been, its also been a huge fucken eye opener.
as im tapping this out, i’m aware i probably won’t get all the updates i want to get done, done .. cos yeah, im still abit limp in the brain area atm lol. but ..
i need to note .. that the shift i felt months ago .. the feeling like shit was changing .. that was unrecognisable & slightly uncomfortable but also felt like it was gonna be a good thing ..
yeah .. well its shifted.
& its good.
it is exactly more difficult than i had realised it would be but its good. a NEW good .. shit im completely not use too.
i feel like a have a different wave of confidence.
in myself .. & more importantly, in what ive come to learn about myself & the shit i’ve been through.
im still weighing it all up. slowly. cos slow is what i do now lol.
until i’m kinda more clear, i’ll keep posting my intermittent updates & a few random pieces that i need to relieve myself of lol.
& finish with ..
we only got one life.
there are no do-overs.
dont waste time with meaningless worthless BS.