did yah know ..

it’s near impossible to read anything when u feel unsafe?
that’s what came to me today.
after wondering what it is I love or even like, to do.
i realised I’d been following the sunshine round my house, you know, when it comes through the windows and is warm but not too hot .  . & I sit or lie in it’s warmth, & read …
i’m reading three books now. mainly just one though.
it’s from a series of kids horror books .. the other 2 books are way more grown up, but I like the kid ones.
anyways, I realised, I never read for the fuck of it, because I was always alert.
whilst alert nothing can be a major distraction because your senses are spread out.
& there’s no room for engrossing make believe when real life is exhausting as fuck.
today I’ll continue with my little horror books. lying on the floor in the sun.
in safeish safety.
practicing .. rest. without all my senses freaking themselves the fuck out.
fyi :just random thoughts.


4 thoughts on “did yah know ..

  1. It is true it is hard to focus fully on something while on alert. When I was a kid, I would find a safe place (back to a wall with a direct view of all entries into the room, or way out in the bush) and read until I left my body behind and lived in that fantasy world for a while. As long as I was in my secure place, I could focus, not at school, and not when it was noisy at home, but sometimes.

    • I understand that xx I’m sorta glad I think, that u found something and someway to escape for awhile .. we are pretty amazing creatures really, and our ways to survive xxx
      I’m slowly starting to be able to read and enjoy it, and sometimes not have to have all the doors and windows shut or locked xxx
      We getting there ❤️

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