fuck face was dead. id halved him to put in a box to put outside.
Then he woke up.
Cut to my Nan and grandad’s old place.
Aunty N .. came gave me a letter and a hug. @ Front porch of Nan’s old place.
A Big hug.
Another person, unnamed, came to some where .. where I was at, motel or place we were all watching kapa haka. Moko was little. But acting grown.
Person came in and said ok I’m here to discuss .. something .. sounded like it was going to be friendly .. and then they said ..
Something like, youre mental health or you’re mental state is shit because you won’t agree with me.
As they started in though, fuck face came in, there were others, my daughter’s and grand kids ..
I got angry.
I let this person talk for ages. Rave on.
Everyone was looking at me walking around, pacing and this person was getting high off their own speech.
But they sounded absurd.
Then I let rip. Finally.
Said ‘tell me why’, in a big big voice, ‘why I went off the rails as u say .. got rebellious .. naughty’ ..
I was yelling ..
‘What age did that happen, do you remember.
Do you fucken remember when that fuck first hurt me.
Have a guess. Nice and loud. Was it,
7, no, mokos age, no, lower .. lower .. 3 – 4 ..
And what did you do
What did you do.’
They just watched.
They weren’t uncomfortable.
I was getting louder though. Not crying. Bit visbly angry.
‘What did you do when I came and told you.
What did you say
Did you stop going there.
Did you tell him off.
Did they fuck face?
On and on.
And you have the the fucken cheek to be here telling me I’m mentally incompetent.
& That was the end of my dream.
When I woke up my throat felt different.