beer and burgers and the weekend that was

A bit overdue I know … but I’ve been processing. Gotta love the processing part lol.

As Friday night closed and Saturday morning rolled around, I ended up more stressed than anxious I think. To most, they may seem like the same thing – To Me they are distinctly different. Stress, of the mundane kind, I can deal with but it makes Me butt ugly angry. So if anything, I call it being pissed off; those looking on, call it ‘over dramatised stress’. So really thats got more to do with them, than Me. And anxiety, for Me, is the pre requisite for a panic attack. The distinct difference, is the latter is a debilitating ass wipe that leaves Me feeling vulnerable, not angry.

Angry gets shit done.

Vulnerable leaves you debilitated.

So, rolling with stressed on Saturday morning, I’m asking the partner (because this is his soirée) …

‘so, what time is everyone coming?’ … ‘dunno’ …

‘what time did you tell people to come?’ … ‘saturday’ …

Oh my fuck! And thats how most of the day rolled out.

Now I’ve come to grips with the partner being as he is. A man. He doesn’t plan like Me; he doesn’t organise, anything – and he definitely doesn’t do time frames. He actually adds to the anxiety that is Me, but I’ve also learnt a lot from him … I’ve had too otherwise I’d be fucking insaner than I already am!

So 12 o’clock rolls by, as does 1 … and I’m hungry as fuck lol.

‘Dear … can we make some food?’ … ‘Um … I haven’t got any buns … they’re coming’

WTF? LOL.

So peeps start arriving at this point and there isn’t any food.

“Learning Moment” … I pulled the partner aside and ever so gently said to him …

“Do you have a Plan B sweetheart?” … ‘Nope’ … “So this is where, as anal as I am, I would have a Plan B”. He looks at Me a little astounded and says, “Ok, so if I was to have a Plan B, what do you suggest that should be?” …

Oh my fuck, is all I’m thinking.

“Plan B would have been purchasing some spare buns and having them in the cupboard. It would be buying more than 1 lettuce to feed 25 people … so maybe 4 or 5 … and then the rest of the salad ingredients … Plan B would be ensuring I had all the meat patties here and ready to go.”

“Ohhhhh” … says Partner … “That sounds good”.

*groan*

And while that conversation right there pretty much sums up the whole day: I must say, I coped pretty fucking gangstah-ly with the whole thing!

The family came – landed – caused chaos – and departed. And I watched, slightly interacted, and felt reasonably unaffected.

The friends came – landed – settled in – caused abit of chaos – and departed. And again, I watched, slightly interacted where I wanted too, and felt reasonably unaffected.

What I found super duper interesting, is whilst I was ‘Managing Myself’, quite a few of those around Me found that -how would you put it – threatening?!. They wanted Me to engage in their incessant grizzling; they wanted Me to ‘put shoes on’; they wanted Me to drink; the wanted Me to eat more. And as I said No, or thank you – No thank you … they squirmed something awful. It made them feel enormously uncomfortable. And usually that discomfort effects Me, as in it makes Me feel anxious. But not this time.

I was able to see what was happening, and more importantly, see that it wasn’t my problem at all 🙂

So as the night wore on I ended up being one of the last ones awake. There were a few hard cores that stayed up and drank themselves into a stupor. But all in all, I enjoyed my night. And so did my partner!

What I was mostest proudest of for him and Me, is we both managed ourselves; did our thang, separately and individually … but we both allowed each other to do Us. It was quite liberating for the both of Us 😉 I think he enjoyed not having to ‘babysit’ Me. He’s figured out that I am capable of managing myself, its just other people that don’t like how I do that, but thats not his problem – Or Mine 🙂

There was an ‘incident’, of which I am still processing – whereby a friend took offence to another friends manner. As I have been told – the 2nd friend was hitting on the first friends husband.

What I found most interesting, again … is while I’m pretty good at picking up whats going on around Me; somehow, I completely missed this!

My daughter said to Me later, that I hadn’t picked it up because I’m ‘not like that’. I didn’t, and still don’t, understand, what that means. But she says I don’t do drama therefore hadn’t picked up on what I guess I deemed to be, un-necessary drama. I was a bit distraught that our mate had been offended and felt uncomfortable by the whole situation – but it did leave Me wondering – If that was a flirtatious encounter that was witnessed by everyone around Me, then it wasn’t very good!

Needless to say – I don’t have a romantic or flirtatious bone in my body 😉

So, all in all, a good weekend … many burgers consumed (finally), and many beers had … and for Me, survival skills employed succinctly! I think I’m looking forward to the next event, which is fucking amazing for Me !

Video

Your Man ~ Josh Turner : this reminds me of my girl :)

Josh Turner – Your Man, 2006

Every time my girl hears this, she does a little dance and grins from ear to ear as she sings along 🙂

I Love her fiercely xx

mauri of me #21 my babies

I speak of my daughters often throughout my blog, but not alot, if you get my drift. And thats mainly out of respect for their privacy … little bitches 😉

But as I recently had a big dose of them, they are next up on my ‘mauri’ agenda … because they are my essence ❤

They are like a split of Me with an extra dollup of chocolate and gelato on the side 😉

They are both ultra sensitive and completely gangstah … but different.

 

… I started writing about how beautiful they both are … but that wasn’t actually the reason I thought of them both for this post today … so let Me get to the gutts of it ay.

I’ve also written alot about not knowing when and how We will stop being here … in this world. Whether it be those that take their own lives, or those that have lived a long plentiful life, or those that are so dam miserable they probably should be dead … the jist is, We never know when our time is up; but it is a guarantee of this life. That we will all one day expire.

I know this. And its strange, because the closer I get to digging Me and digging life, the more urgency I feel to love every little bit of it because its been so fucken hard for so long … I think I’ve done my hard times and down times enough for a couple life times.

But as I was hanging with my girlies the other day, the youngest (shes 23) had learnt that her friend, who is a little younger than her, had died. She leaves behind a 3 year old.

I think I was kinda in shock, but felt for my girl and could see her grief; and her love for her friend.

Today it kinda slapped Me up side the head. That my baby is feeling the grief of loss that we associate with older, having lived some more of life type age bracket. And that this girls mama would be completely gutted … to have lost her baby girl; her child … the child, growing into a young woman … who now, is no more.

My heart kinda skipped a bit of a beat. Not because I know this lady or her daughter … but because my girl was is in pain and that pains Me.

And because my girls are my love and life. They always have been. Because I am eternally grateful for them; for having them here – still; for being able to watch them grow from beautiful kids to even more beautiful young women … and I’m not just talking outward beauty (they are stunning looking girls though!), but what makes them extraordinary is what they exude … their essence.

They make Me so proud … but more than that … I have always been in love with my kids, and I’m pleased that they have loved Me back 🙂

money honey

We were having a deep old conversation the other day … me and the fams … about what we would do if we won like, 10 million dollars … or more.

After listening to everyones … “ohhh, i’d buy a house … a new car … oh hair extensions … more makeup … pay the bills … a trip around the world … new clothes … a boob job … ” etc, it was my turn.

Ummmmm …

“new bed time undies … ummm…

possibly a set of second hand drums … ummm …

i might finish my tattoos … ummm …

oh yeah, I’d build a house. Not someone else though – Me; I want to build it. Yep, thats it.”

My kids are like … “Is that it?”

Me: Yup.

So they bought Me bed time undies for my birthday.

I guess I’ve kinda come to figure … the shit I used to want, isn’t that important really.

The shit that is the most important to Me; if I lost it, I couldn’t replace it. And the shit I really Need, you can’t buy with money.

Except for bed time undies LOL.

my babies are on the move again

The house that my kids and mokos moved in to recently, has been sold and they are on the move again. This time they are going back into town.

Being in the countryside has done them all the most amazing world of good. The mokos (grandchildren) have discovered their groove and rediscovered their confidence. My eldest daughter has found her groove, gotten herself a new job – which she’s loving, and most importantly, she’s learnt how to say No to the stuff she doesn’t want or need! My youngest daughter has a new appreciation for her sister and the amount of work she does … the stresses that face a mama with 3 extremely strong willed little darlings. She has also found her groove and another layer of confidence. She enrolled in a hair dressing course, which she’s loving! It’s so nice to see her happy at what she’s doing. And her little midget, #4 moko, has thrived with her cousins around. She’s loved and protected – x6 … and she’s benefiting from that. And the oldest girls partner … well he makes Me proud 🙂 He struggles with so much feminine strength around him lol … but he too, is finding his groove.

So, my eldest daughter rang Me at midnight the other night … and once I realised there was No pending emergency, she says … ‘Well you’re usually awake, so I thought I’d ring for a chat and to see how you are’ LOL … how could I refuse that 🙂

As we do, we got into deep conversation pretty quickly and a couple things came out.

To digress though: Me and the partner had been discussing the ‘kids and puppy’ video thats been doing the rounds on social media recently. This dude set up an experiment to lure kids away from a park, (with their parents present) with a cute little puppy. Every single kid went with the stranger; rightly so, the parents were horrified. Now theres all kinds of shizz ethically wrong with doing this sort of experiment, but what it did bring to light – or so they thought – was that kids are easily manipulated, thus unprotected.

My comment to the partner was, that it wasn’t so much that kids were easily manipulated, but that We (society, schools, parents, friends) have taught our kids, with one hand to be socially ‘polite’, and then with the other hand, have told them not to talk to strangers etc. But technically they are not strangers after they have introduced themselves, right? We make our kids kiss aunty so-and-so, when they meet her for the first time, even when the kid doesn’t want to … because, ‘it’s rude not too’. And then We act surprised when they toodle off with a nice stranger who has a cute puppy. I reckoned my Mokos wouldn’t do this. Because what they have been taught is something very different.

A. Trust their gut.

B. If they don’t want to pucker up for aunt maude, they don’t, and they’re not told off for it.

Un-digress and back to topic…

My daughter said that she had organised for 2 of her church friends to go and pick up moko #1 & #2 after school on this particular day; but she had forgotten to tell the mokos.

So ‘after school’ arrives, and these 2 churchies rock up to the school to pick up the mokos. But they refused to get in the car. (I was chuckling by this point of the story … ). The 2 churchies did what ‘people’ usually do, which in my opinion is undermining and dangerous – they told the mokos that a. they knew who they were, so it’d be safe b. that their mother had rung them and organised this c. that it wasn’t their (the churchies) fault that the mokos mother hadn’t told them d. everything would be alright.

And the mokos still refused to get in the car with them. The mokos explanation to the churchies was: a. We are allowed to get in the car with 5 people. b. You guys are not on that list.

In the end, the churchies rang the mokos mother and bluntly said, ‘your kids won’t get in the car’. To which, my daughter replies: ‘Aw, good darlings. I forgot to tell them you were picking them up. Put them on the phone”.

Moko #1 gets on the phone … ‘Hey Mum … they’re not on the list ay.’ … ‘Yes son, you did good! I forgot to let you both know they were coming to pick you up, sorry about that. But what you did was perfect!’.

And it was!! She was proud of her babies … and I was super proud as a Nan, of my girl and the mokos 🙂

Then we got on to the impending move. She was worried that the mokos would be anxious and not want to go, and she was feeling guilty. So she re-framed the whole thing for them. And they re-framed it back.

Turns out they are excited to be ‘getting a new house’ cos the other is ‘old’ now.

And thats it.

They’re not anxious or overly complicated by the move … it’s just another adventure for them, and an adventure that they all get to have together! Isn’t that just beautiful 🙂

Turns out the whole parenting out of guilt, in my opinion, is a sickness that follows shitloads of parents … and I wonder if it has a lot to do with the resulting ‘i’m entitled’ attitudes that ooze out of some kids. It also seems to be partially responsible for the lack of common sense and reality they seem Not to possess.

But I’m proud of my kids … I’m proud of their mistakes, their efforts, their forthrightness, their ability to think, articulate, question …

I love them ❤

So a couple more weeks and we will be helping them make their next move … to start their next adventure 🙂 So exciting!