It occurred to Me the other day, theres only like, a few more weeks of my “mauri of me” section, if I’ve actually added shizz up correctly … I have been known to miscount shit … many many times … numbers are not my strong point 😉
So … over the next couple of weeks I’m going to recap sections of what I’ve been over throughout the year … theres quite a few 😉
As a reminder though – This is what this section was designed for:
I realised part way through last year, that I don’t really understand the strength in Me, that has gotten Me this far. Oh, I get it; in increments … but I don’t really, really GET IT. And I think that if I got it, then I wouldn’t give myself such a hard time. The love, acceptance and encouragement that I have pumped into my kids and mokos over the years … yeah, well some of that needs to be pumped into Me.
So, this “who I really Am” thing; this essence thing … is called “Mauri”:
1. (noun) life principle, vital essence, special nature, a material symbol of a life principle, source of emotions – the essential quality and vitality of a being or entity.
It is my hope, my attempt; that as I unfold and inspect who I am; my Mauri; I will be able to reconcile this element of Me.
What I’ve noticed is that a few distinct themes or ‘strains’ of being have presented themselves throughout this segment; those strains being the things that really are my ‘essence’ or character … the things that make Me, Me 😉
- Family – Whanau
These peeps mean more to Me than I can express at times, especially the mokos. But for Me, those that have left this physical world, still play a huge role in my life. I don’t look at them as not being around, even though I know they physically aren’t. In my world, they’ll always be here … always be a part of Me.
I have a huge aversion to bullshit and I call it as I see it … it doesn’t make Me completely right, but seldom wrong 😉
Go’s hand in hand with the aversion to bullshit I guess … but my brand of honesty, I have discovered, is a rare thing. It’s the type of honesty that says what it means, at home and outside of home.
Theres a process that happens when clarity is being sought, but like a dog with a bone, by fuck I’ll find it. And once found I can peel back the layers and get to the fucking point of it all 😉
5. Script flipper
This is all about changing the narrative; learning and growing. This is the thing thats changing my perspective on pts(d) and learning to live ‘with’ it.
My fams are my roots; living and dead, they ‘make’ Me what I am – the structure of what I am: the good and the bad.
My grandparents have been like my parents really, and I am forever grateful for my Grandad and Grandmother for loving Me like only Grandparents can. Even when my biological father was ‘unavailable’, they were always there … always loving Me.
My Mama … ahhh my beautiful Mama … I can appreciate all that she is now and I am eternally grateful for all the She is. She’s taught Me perseverance and fortitude … response and strength. I love her like No other ❤
My beautiful girls … well they are truly amazing creatures … You know when you’ve done something 100% right? Well this is them … warts and all, they absolutely perfect!
My brother … well, he is something amazing alright … hugely talented and a tower of inspiration. I don’t know any other man that is quite as profound as he is … and I love him to bits!
Then theres my beautiful mokos, One, Two, Three and Four … and of course our latest edition … Number 5 🙂 Grandbabies do something quite special to your world; they change the perspective on everything. There is No amount of love that can describe these gorgeous little individuals ❤
And then theres my partner … holy shit balls … we’ve had some rough years broken up with some good times … it feels like the rough is finally paying off and we’re seeing or appreciating something different in our relationship. He still has the ability to fuck Me off like No other … but he also has the ability to understand Me like No other … when he’s not being a douche of course 😉 Yeah, I love him 😉
I guess families … no matter how they look … have the ability to make and break Us. For Me, there had been so much crap to wade through with the sexual assault, that I had missed the good memories … I hadn’t completely appreciated each individual and their worth … the things that they do to make up my feng shui in a good way.
This year I’ve been able to see those things … appreciate those things and learn to love, even the things, that fuck Me off (or past tense: have fucked Me off), about those people. Even the old father … if nothing else, I am grateful for the swimmers he produced that help create Me 😉
I love my family (except my father … I have an appreciation of his input, but thats it 😉 ) and all that they are. I’m appreciate their patience Of Me; their learning of who I am and their Love of Me being Me ❤
the fam mess ❤