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unfucking thyself 101.49

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

49.

My second lot of seedlings are starting to grow! Yuss! More silverbeet … which I love more than my partner does, but Oh Well 😉

It was a tentative wait for these little beauties – 9 days I think – because I wasn’t to sure whether the seeds that I had dried out were those GM bastards, and therefore wouldn’t grow … or if they were indeedy schmeedy the original seeds I had saved a few years ago … my memory is just not as it used to be.

But as luck … or nature, would have it … they did their thing and they have sprouted. I think they, like myself, like the rain.

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hey, did i …

did i tell yah

bout the cunt next door?

new cunt …

thinks the volume

dial on his stereo

should be louder

than the birds

chirping,

and the waves of

the ocean crashing …

I can feel my

golf club, and I

making a trip

next door

to make our

acquaintance …

Video

not gon cry ~ mary j blige

Not Gon Cry ~ Mary J Blige, 1995

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unfucking thyself 101.48

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

48.

Over the next few days you’ll get the scheduled edition of mindfulness (lol, yes I just made that shit up!) as I take you through my rather wild garden. The day I took most of the following photographs, it was raining … made it all the more pleasant … all the more mindful 😉

You know … nature does exactly as it pleases … when it pleases … with whatever it pleases!

It’s taken ages (like a few years actually), to figure out how to work with the patterns and flows of the environment around Me. Sure, I could just rip shit and bust everything and stake my claim to it all … and I surely have tried this method before … but it just doesn’t have the same appeal anymore … and theres something quite challenging, and rewarding, about learning from the greatest teacher of all 🙂

#Photograph is a macro shot of a new flower on my pumpkin plant.

Link

so … the hikoi is on …

Remember the father issues, the deletion and taking a trip with my Mama to find our tipuna?

Well, the day(s) have arrived.

Am I nervous?

Yes.

Am I excited?

Yes.

Do they both feel pretty much the fucking same?

Yes. Yes they do.

But I think I’m ready.

Wish Me luck ❤

 

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ice cream ~ raekwon

Ice Cream ~ Raekwon, 1995

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unfucking thyself 101.47

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

47.

I could be asking for trouble, but oh well, thats kind of how I roll.

How is this a mindfulness moment? You’ll see …

I’ve been smoking cigarettes since I was about 11 … thats nearly 30 odd years of smoking, give or take a few years off and on. I gave up when I was pregnant with my daughters and one other time just for the shits and giggles of it. Farrkkk … it’s not easy!

Out of all the addictions I’ve plowed through over the years, this is the one I haven’t bothered to tackle just yet … cos really, in the scope of things, I’ve had other shit to deal with!

Our filthy government taxes cigarettes like they some kind of rare commodity but I’ll save that rant for another day … but the price hike (nearly $80 for a packet of 30gram tobacco) has had Me and the partner thinking about quitting. However … we both have refused because neither of Us likes being told what we can and can’t do.

Enter the health aspect … I’ve been smoking tobacco (not pre-rolled) for at least 10 years. The others make Me feel sick and give Me one big ass headache. Well I’m pretty sure the tobacco companies have adjusted the roll your own tobacco in the last few months as my headaches have increased 10 fold. Proving that is near impossible of course … but it has lead to:

Me cutting down.

I’ve gone from about 12 per day to 5 a day. I’m gonna sit on that amount for at least a month or two while my body adjusts and then decrease from there slowly.

Mindful? I decided (abit like the coffee scenario) to do this in style.

This little tin is a piece of history. They used to contain 20 ‘Black and White’ cigarettes … back when they were telling us cigarette smoking was good for our health and was okey dokey to be done round our kids. Pfft.

I guess I’m trying to combat the sadness. Theres always sadness when you give up something thats been with you for, like, Ever … even if it is an ‘addiction’ and is bad for you. Try and cull that shit and not grieve it and it’l come back and bite you on the ass a thousand times over.

Here’s to Me and my diminishing cigarette intake 😉

ae … remember

remember …

the little things.

every little

bitty

thing,

that marks

progress.

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i told the storm ~ greg o’quin ‘n joyful noize

I Told The Storm ~  Greg O’Quin ‘N Joyful Noize, 1996

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unfucking thyself 101.46

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

46.

My Mama gave Me this little beauty when we moved here. It says it all really.

We moved here (next to the beach) so I could hear the waves … smell the salt air … and when I got a bit better-er … swim in the ocean.

Thats happened … happening … slowly but surely. We’ve been here nearly 4 years and sometimes I forget the shit-fucked state I was in when we first arrived here. And I was like it all the time! Shaking … panicy … couldn’t get out the front door during the day, let alone the clothesline or the letterbox … couldn’t ride in the front seat of the car … couldn’t talk on the phone …

On some days I have long moments of all these things, as they raise their ugly heads again and kick Me in the Vag … I can almost hear them laugh at Me … saying “Hey bitch remember Us”.

Yeah I remember.

I remember how far I’ve come and that I am Not as fucked us I used to be 😉