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unfucking thyself 101.55

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

55.

Heights have always bothered Me … I’d much prefer to be down below than teetering on hilltops … and this is in more ways than one. I’d prefer to be with those that have nothing than those that believe they have everything. The latter tend to ‘feel’ so full of themselves and their own importance that they suck all the moisture out of the air and give Me a panic attack! It’s the same feeling as being on top of a high hill looking down, but nicer than the aforementioned scenario.

But when your lying on your tummy, peeking through the grasses at the layers of universe that lay beyond, your own insignificance is blindingly obvious.

In the vastness of nature, I am but a speck on it’s landscape. I really do wonder how the European forbears (some of which were mine as well) thought they could ever conquer and Own this countryside.

Papatuanuku does as she pleases. To think we can dominate her and not live in harmony with her is actually pretty bloody stupid reasoning, even for Us humans.

I’m grateful for our lands. For the lands … the earth … the water … the depths … that we still have here to traverse if we so desire.

Today I feel Full Of Life.


#Photograph is of the grasses and flowers (foliage) of the River country, in the foreground, in kind of a macro shot. In the background is layers of the rest of the countryside. You can see the tops of 30+ foot pine trees growing off the cliff face and behind those the varying greens of rolling hills and native forest. Straight through the middle of all that gorgeousness, lies the slow moving Whanaganui River.

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unfucking thyself 101.54

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

54.

One of the things I loved about the River and the land surrounding it, was the layers. There were layers upon layers of beauty and sound (or lack of sound) everywhere we went. The colours, or lack of colours, were beautiful too. Everything seemed as it should be. It perfect sync with everything else. It was quite obvious when you came across something that had been ‘altered’ by a human lol … but everything else was just as it should be … and of course, just how I like it. ‘Overgrowen’, aka ‘growing naturally’ … Quiet, except for nature sounds … No intrusive smells, just grass, trees, clean air.

I thought my place was quiet but this was even quieter. No noise pollution at all.

And guess what … Not difficult to be all mindful and shit out here … in fact I’d say it’s the epitome of mindfulness, without the effort!

Absolutely perfect.


#Photograph is a macro shot of a white wildflower bush in the foreground and in the background is Our River and the native bush on the other side of the bank.

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unfucking thyself 101.53

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

53.

It’s been an utterly amazing journey up to Whanganui and back. I’m still tired but happy … or content … I’m not sure which one … or both … oh whatever … I’m good!

The River.

Me and my Mama went up to find our tipuna (ancestors). That was the mish anyways.

We didn’t find her.

But we found the start … or end … of the journey She took to end up where she did.

Slightly mysterious I know … but that seems to be the way. And talk about mess with my sense of ‘achievement’, ‘getting it done Now’ and all the pedantic shit!

Thats not how this is going to get done we’ve discovered.

Like the Awa (River) … it’s a slow, methodical, unfolding and emotional process. It’s not going to be a matter of googling it and it’s done.

We met peeps … we talked … we told our story … they told theirs … they talked about ‘the River’ and it’s people … which is Us too we’ve realised …

I did all the things that I usually can’t / won’t / don’t like doing!

Anywho … this photograph was at the top of some bad ass cliffs that lead onto the road that takes you up the River. Scared the living shit out of Me! But I got my pic … and surprisingly, many more after that.

To say the Awa is majestic is an understatement. It’s something I haven’t quite got the words for yet.

Over the next little while I’ll post the pics from our trip … the whole dam experience was one mindfulness mind / heart / emotion fuck! A good one though …

 

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unfucking thyself 101.52

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

52.

Now when I was espousing the fact that my 1st and 2nd seedlings had actually gone gangstah on Me … I was forgetting the first, first ever seedlings I did from scratch … which were broccoli and cabbage seeds / plants. They grew real successfully and I was well pleased with myself lol.

Except … well not really an ‘except’ … it’s just another phase of learning I guess … I got holes in my plants.

Wondering what the fuck was going on, I remembered what my Mama had told Me about the white butterflies.

So it turns out these little darlings like cabbages and cauliflowers and broccolis. They flutter around and lay their eggs on the plants and their nearly invisible little caterpillar spawns proceed to eat the fuck out of said plants!

I can apparently kill them. Spray them etc.

But guess what?

I can’t.

I just can’t do it.

I know, I didn’t realise I was such a pussy either!

So I’ve made a deal with them.

They can eat the outside plants as long as they leave alone the inside ones. I’ve told them I’ll let this season slide, as long as I get seeds from these plants … but next year, I’m toughening up and there’ll be strict guidelines 😉

But isn’t he beautiful 🙂


#Photograph is a macro of a white butterfly on my rather chomped on broccoli plant 🙂

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unfucking thyself 101.51

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

51.

I must say, my pumpkin plants amuse the living shit out of Me. They feel like compadres actually.

You know, I planted them all in a nice little row (actually, I thought they were zucchini seeds at the time of planting … but oh well lol), into the soil like I thought I should … and initially they grow up in straight little lines …

And then … well, then they just proceeded to do whatever the fuck they wanted to do!

This specimen is the one of the last to sprout and he’s found his way up the hill (from his place of planting), and onto our back shed. And as you can see, he’s gone up, down and back up. He’s got huge leaves and even a growing pumpkin hanging from one of those feeler-ly thingys.

Made respect to the pumpkin plants and their ‘fuck you, I won’t grow where you want Me too … attitude’.

Much Respect 😉

 

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introducing

An Anomaly.

So defined as:

anomaly

An anomaly is an abnormality, a blip on the screen of life that doesn’t fit with the rest of the pattern. If you are a breeder of black dogs and one puppy comes out pink, that puppy is an anomaly.


So, thats Me.

An anomaly.

And quite happy

at present,

with all of that.

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unfucking thyself 101.50

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

50.

These are my first lot of silverbeet seedlings, that have been re-nestled into, yes thats right, toilet rolls!

The idea came from an old school gardener and avid recycler, so I can’t claim that genius as my own. But these little beauties will sit in here for as long as they need to, to grow some sturdy roots, and then I can plant the whole thing, toilet roll and all, into a larger pot. The cardboard should break down naturally and compost with the rest of the soil and my little silverbeet beauties should sprout further.

Geez I’m really beginning to enjoy this whole gardening thing.

I always wondered what the excitement was. I watched my grandparents – both old school gardeners: you know, the post war / depression era peeps – get up and ungodly hours of the morning to water and weed and shift and pick … and their gardens, both flower and vegetable, were always stunning! But I always wondered why the fuck you would bother doing that!

Enter 45+ and I’m beginning to understand.

Theres something quite satisfying about growing something, well assisting to grow something. Theres something even more satisfying about being able to eat the fruits (and vegetables) of your labour.

I miss my grandparents. I wish to high fuckery I had listened closer … watched closer … they knew so much and as I look around at Us lot of twat fuckers, I wonder sometimes, how on earth we will survive.

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unfucking thyself 101.49

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

49.

My second lot of seedlings are starting to grow! Yuss! More silverbeet … which I love more than my partner does, but Oh Well 😉

It was a tentative wait for these little beauties – 9 days I think – because I wasn’t to sure whether the seeds that I had dried out were those GM bastards, and therefore wouldn’t grow … or if they were indeedy schmeedy the original seeds I had saved a few years ago … my memory is just not as it used to be.

But as luck … or nature, would have it … they did their thing and they have sprouted. I think they, like myself, like the rain.

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unfucking thyself 101.48

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

48.

Over the next few days you’ll get the scheduled edition of mindfulness (lol, yes I just made that shit up!) as I take you through my rather wild garden. The day I took most of the following photographs, it was raining … made it all the more pleasant … all the more mindful 😉

You know … nature does exactly as it pleases … when it pleases … with whatever it pleases!

It’s taken ages (like a few years actually), to figure out how to work with the patterns and flows of the environment around Me. Sure, I could just rip shit and bust everything and stake my claim to it all … and I surely have tried this method before … but it just doesn’t have the same appeal anymore … and theres something quite challenging, and rewarding, about learning from the greatest teacher of all 🙂

#Photograph is a macro shot of a new flower on my pumpkin plant.

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so … the hikoi is on …

Remember the father issues, the deletion and taking a trip with my Mama to find our tipuna?

Well, the day(s) have arrived.

Am I nervous?

Yes.

Am I excited?

Yes.

Do they both feel pretty much the fucking same?

Yes. Yes they do.

But I think I’m ready.

Wish Me luck ❤