my will

Hi My Poppets and My Darling:

Here it is, My Will.

Ta Dah ;)

Before you read, remember this please:

“I Am Always Where Ever You Are”


Upon my exit:

Where possible, this is all I ask –

  • Please don’t let them cut me open, take anything from me or embalm me.
  • Please don’t put me anywhere I’ll be trapped.
  • Please don’t let anyone touch me or wash me, without one of you present (or in the next room).
  • Please take me ‘Home’. That is wherever my loves are. Yes, that is You.
  • Here’s a place that’ll help you out, but don’t let them sell you unnecessary shit!

Because I don’t want to be embalmed, it means you’ll only have a couple of days to say goodbye to my body. Just remember:

“I Am Always Where Ever You Are”


  • This is for you. As you know, I’ve never enjoyed this sort of long-winded shit, but if you feel like you need to do this, that’s OK. But Please:
  • No church.
  • No christian stuff. Not in relation to me anyway.
  • Please don’t waste your money on death notices and pamphlets and shit. Have a meal together, enjoy each other and take the piss out of me there ;)
  • Remember:

“I Am Always Where Ever You Are”

Cremation versus burial:

  • Cremation is cheaper, roll with that. No box, No Urn. Package that shit up in a big old Mason Jar. I won’t be there for long.
  • If for some reason you can’t cremate, and choose burial, please do it naturally. No box, just a wooly shroud :) They’ll get you to pick a native tree; just make it a good’in.
  • I’d prefer cremation. Here’s why: I don’t want to be trapped in a Crown owned cemetery with a shit load of dead people I don’t know. If you can find an alternative; cool.
  • After the cremation, find a big old planter and buy a cheery blossom tree. Put me under that please; until one of you has a piece of land, then you can transplant me too there. You and the Mokos can carve your messages into that tree as it gets bigger. You can still give me kisses too, just watch for splinters ;) Me and my awesomeness will be in that tree. And remember:

“I Am Always Where Ever You Are”

Everything else:

Everything I own, which aint a lot, is yours: My Poppets and My Darling. Divvy that shit up ;)

All the passwords to my electronic shit is in the elephant box.

My Blog is for you all. It’s Me. This is for you to read, learn, remember, add too, take or close … whatever. It’s just Me, and it is for You.

Any and everything else, I’ve already told you. Just remember to remember it.

I Love You

And this is nothing but another transitional process.


“I Am Always Where Ever You Are”




on : my will

Yes, it seems a little morbid, but after recent events and conversations I decided to take matters into my own hands, and plan ahead. Properly.

After a little research I found out the following (for our country anyways) … this is ‘my’ interpreted version:

  • A will doesn’t need to be done with a lawyer, it just needs to be written and witnessed by 2 people who won’t get anything out of it; the will that is.
  • You can’t bury on private land unless you have a shitload of permits.
  • Burying in a cemetery also takes a shitload of permits.
  • Why be buried with a shit tonne of people you don’t know, especially when you hardly liked people when you were alive?
  • The funeral industry is just that; an industry. They’ll make a buck off’ve anything.
  • A service is held for customary reasons. There’s no real necessity in it.
  • You don’t need a casket to be buried in, or cremated in.
  • You don’t need to be embalmed.
  • You don’t need to be cut up unless you died some heinous way and they want to poke around and find the cause of death.
  • If you get buried in non-biodegradable shit (including the box), that shit lingers and leeches into the earth.
  • An urn is a waste of money. A jar will do.
  • The cheapest way to go is cremation; but that still costs a shit tonne of money. I think the Vikings had the right idea.
  • It’s still possible to be buried at sea, but again, you need a shit tonne of permits.
  • Even a natural burial here, has regulations re: planting, depth of burial, buying a plot.
  • It’ll cost you a small fortune to transport the body and hire a mortician peep, but when fams are grieving, that’s the last thing they’re worried about.
  • Apparently you can get some death grant to help with expenses. How nice of them.
  • A cemetery is still Council / Crown owned. And has regulations.
  • Memorials, headstones and plinths also cost an immoral amount of money.
  • When you’re dead, You’re dead.

And after all this enlightenment, I wrote up my own Will.

I’m going to post a copy of it and keep a signed copy of it in my elephant box ;) And the reason for posting it, under the category ‘my will’; so the fams can find it if they can’t find the first one LOL