yep that’s what i feel like.
most of the time i thoughtfully & purposefully take the time to re-write that script in my head, so i can come up with some clever fucking way of not feeling ‘out of the ordinary’, or disabled.
but there are a lot of fucking times when its virtually impossible to suck it up & change the narrative.
cos it is what it fucking is & its fucking annoying.
no i’m not in a fucking wheel chair & yes i should count my blessings, apparently. & no, being in a wheel chair doesn’t mean its the end of the fucking world either.
but i’m feeling for the peeps, like myself, today … who can’t do ‘mainstream living’ even if they wanted too.
why the sad sack tantrum?
today i wanted a burger.
not a job. not a car. not a house. not a sense of purpose. not racial equality.
no. just a simple fucking burger.
& the food truck with the burgers i like, is in our little town today. yippie.
its surrounded by literally hundreds of ‘fun run’ fuckers who aren’t interested in the fatty contents of said burgers, but whose ‘fun-running’ takes precedence in this fucking world. the cunts.
as much as i have progressed (well i fucking try anyways), & i can mingle a little; & i know how to take my panic fuck down from an 8 to a 3 with not as much effort as previously was needed … i am nowhere near ‘able-bodied’ enough to manoeuvre hundreds of hypo fitness fucks, in the daylight, by myself, to get a fucking burger.
no can do.
& instead of finding the positive in all of that clusterfuck, i’m fucked off, & thats it.
imagine if it was an easy thing – to feel so sure of oneself & the inclusivity that this world is afforded them, that Moi & peeps like Moi, were able to think … oh, i have *pts(d)* (insert whatever ‘disabled’ label thus likes here), but i know this ‘*function / event / restaurant / school / road / walkway ….*’ will cater to my needs somewhere in there, because thats the kinda cunts we are in this country … we’re inclusive cunts … oh yeah … so inclusive its just radiating out of our asses!!
& so yeah … i’m fucked off.
i’m burger-less, disabled & fucked right the fuck off.
fuck pts(d). but fuck the system more, that never will include & cater for everyone, no matter who we are & what we do.