fuck ups

have you ever seen

the escalation of

fuck ups

at work?

how they roll

one into another

like a giant snow ball?


don’t take your eye off the ball


reconciling the hormones #61

So my sedative intake, apart from the antihistamines (which is down to about 1/2 every week), is about the same. And I’m still discerning the difference between a hot flush and a panic fuck … they are so similar it is spooky!

I had an interesting conversation with my Mama whilst we were away … about the menopause situation etc. She was watching Me sweat and quiver and quietly freak out and very nicely asking if I was alright … and then she remembered that she had started having hot flushes when she was in her mid-30s and they were exasperated or brought on when she exerted herself and / or got angry.

I had a super-duper AH-Fucking-HAH moment I tell yah! I could relate perfectly … so I’m hoping that based on those dates / years … I should nearly be done with menopause !!! LOL.

But after this conversation we got onto what a panic attack feels like … signs, symptoms, what brings them on … and hit on something in that jumble fuck.

That if my hormones are doing what they should, but in essence I feel completely out of control of my body … it follows that thats what brings on the panic fuck.

I don’t like being out of control … especially of my … Yes, MY … body, thanks to pts fucking d.  So something else to work on I guess … like I didn’t have enough already pfft!

Anyway … so heres to another week of hormone imbalance-rebalance-apparently all in fucking balance survival!

Cheers Me 🙂

#meme is a cartoon picture of an older biological woman sitting in an arm chair in front of one big ass fan!

Caption reads: When I asked for a smoking hot body, menopause was not quite what I had in mind.








An Anomaly.

So defined as:


An anomaly is an abnormality, a blip on the screen of life that doesn’t fit with the rest of the pattern. If you are a breeder of black dogs and one puppy comes out pink, that puppy is an anomaly.

So, thats Me.

An anomaly.

And quite happy

at present,

with all of that.

hey, did i …

did i tell yah

bout the cunt next door?

new cunt …

thinks the volume

dial on his stereo

should be louder

than the birds


and the waves of

the ocean crashing …

I can feel my

golf club, and I

making a trip

next door

to make our

acquaintance …


so … the hikoi is on …

Remember the father issues, the deletion and taking a trip with my Mama to find our tipuna?

Well, the day(s) have arrived.

Am I nervous?


Am I excited?


Do they both feel pretty much the fucking same?

Yes. Yes they do.

But I think I’m ready.

Wish Me luck ❤



reconciling the hormones #60

Captains Log:

A beard? Really? Haven’t I already done enough shaving??

Ay! What gives? I guess in the large scheme of things abit of facial hair aint nuthin but a chain swang 😉

Happy to report it’s been a calmer week … even had a day where there was No hot flushing … Bonus!

Each day … week, as it comes … thats my mantra at the moment … whew.

#meme is a cartoon drawing of a woman all wrapped up in a scarf and jacket, both pulled up to cover her face.

The caption reads: Where oh, where has my oestrogen gone? Oh where, oh where can it be? I was once young and fair, now I sprout facial hair … Oh hormones, won’t you come back to me …

ae … remember

remember …

the little things.

every little



that marks



unfucking thyself 101.45




Homai to Aroha



Mindfulness lesson 101 … thought shalt not drink shit coffee! Just say NO to the instant crap! It really isn’t coffee … it’s coffee flavoured shit in a jar.

This, my mindful peeps, is the goodness.

Casa is rich and full-bodied … a blend of Arabica and Robusta. Not to bitter, not to tarty, if you know what I mean.

This is the shizz 😉

Today I am mindfully sipping and appreciating the shit out of every mouthful of my 1.5 cups of Casa coffee.


unfucking thyself 101.44




Homai to Aroha



I’m feeling there’ll be a little coffee appreciation over the next couple of days … yesterday was #coffeebeans and today it’s a macro #photograph of my coffee grinder.


Because I am doing a dreaded experiment. Arrgh.

I only have 1-2 cups of coffee per day, usually in the morning. I love my coffee … I love the ritual … the smell … the whole experience! I cut down years ago because my coffee consumption was way OTT … I’m talking, at minimum, 15-20 cups per day, not counting those bought from a cafe! So to be at 2 cups is pretty gangstah.

I’m unsure, but I’m wondering if the coffee I am having is agitating the old anxiety and menopausal fuckery.

The only way to find out, is to cut down and see what happens … Arrghhh again.

I hate being told what to do, so because this is my idea, I’m Ok with it.

How is this all mindful and shit … I’m not sure … but it has to do with my long term health and wellness 😉