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changing the feels for 2019.

i haven’t done ‘new years resolutions’ for like, forever. too much pressure & as far as i’m concerned a waste of time. if you can’t do shit off’ve your own steam during a year, why on earth do you think a new day & a new year is gonna change it?

fyi: it aint. mind due, thats not based on any scientific research however i’d love to see the stats if any exist ;)

for me though: next year is an ‘on purpose’ change of ‘feels’.

i’ve decided to do things a little different next year.

on top of the agenda: do away with the gregorian calendar.

i hardly do anything on it anyways; but i want to learn more about our natural cycles & how my ancestors did shit. they managed to make their way to this land by following the stars which IMO was way more accurate not to mention, way more gangstah than that colombus idiot who didn’t seem to know which way he was going!

so, gregorian calendar – gone. the beauty of apple & its apps … i was able to bring up all the holidays / days of remembrance / schedules, & then re work what i wanted too & do away with the rest. gone is christmas, having been replaced with a ‘family day’ & appropriate ‘self management’ days, before & after. gone is easter, labour day, queens birthday, halloween & guy fawkes. instead i’ll be acknowledging ANZAC as a day of remembrance for my grandfather … all he was exposed too & came home with; all his family sacrificed & the strength he utilised to live a full & productive life. the only land / country holiday, as such, i’ll be ‘doing’ is waitangi day & i’ve added in our ‘independence day’ which was 5 years prior to waitangi. both days will, for me, be about protest, learning & teaching; because until my entire family are decolonised then my job here isn’t done.

i’ve replaced halloween with Día de los Muertos, because for me, its important to remember those that went before us & not in the pakeha sense of it all. i want a day where we remember the babies we’ve lost, our grandparents, friends … & i want their stories told. this day of remembrance, does that for me. 2019 will be the first time i’ve observed this officially: unofficially though, i’ve been doing this for years.

i’ll observe the gregorian new year as a ‘turn over’, but i’ll be concentrating on our matariki, which is in the month June by the gregorian calendar. this, according to our ancestors, marks the change of season & the star formation that appears in the sky once a year. i haven’t really ‘done’ matariki so 2019 will be a learning curb here too.

other than that, moko & familia birthdays will be celebrated as usual :)

i’ve added in self care & self management days so i can add to what i’ve been learning this year … that that shit takes its toll on me & i need to remember to look after myself before, during & after.

as far as ‘goals’ go, i’m going to work on ‘holding my space’. which will require me to be more ‘present’ & ‘in my body’ … arrghhh … thats a giant head fuck for me so i’m not adding much more to my ‘to-do’ list.

& as far as art goes – i’ll concentrate on photography.

the highlight of this year was making it through it !! lol … as lame as it sounds, i’m still super stoked with all that i managed this year. super duper stoked!

so as you all go about rounding off you’re year … stay safe … have fun … & a giant ThankYou for hanging around for the sometimes, extremely tumultuous ride!!!

love & light peeps!! x

*  i’ll leave you with photos from our article in the newspaper featuring yours truly, my mama & brother & our recent artistic accomplishments ;) *


kpm©


 

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update:

so, we got back last night:

overall, i was fucking awesome.

not just the exhibition, but the days before & after, which were jam packed with more stuff than i usually would do in like,  6 months.

but now i’m blowing chunks like that chick off’ve the old exorcist movie.

& it appears that i have another layer of fuckery to manage …

post-victories.

oh well: @ least i didn’t blow on the exhibition ;)


i shall do an update with photos when me & the porcelain have finished bonding.


kpm©


 

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scary canary …

so, apopo (tomorrow) i go in and do my art installation and im nervous – fucking nervous – but different nervous. lol.

i think cos this year i’m focused on different things / goals, and am more ‘present’, the ‘feelings’ are hell’ah different. thats it in a very small nutshell … and no doubt as i unravel this part of my shizz, i’ll repeat my angst and toss it over and re analyze and regurgitate and throw it out …. on and on, until i get some peace with it all.

its not bad though. thats what i can ‘feel’ this time. that its not bad. and i’m not ‘scared’, like scared shitless … i’m just nervous of the unknown but excited as well … of the unknown!

now how fucken cool is that!! it’s all progress!!

so, be prepared for more random updates and random pictures and random unidentified feelings as i roll on to the exhibiton on friday …

:)

love & gangstah light <3


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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in between it all:

theres 10 fucking days till exhibition.

yes, i’m nervous now lol.

i’m organised as fuck of course. and my house is looking like a cross between a studio and a half way house … but i’m getting my shit together.

i think it’ll be sweet.

and if it’s not, i’ve got drugs!

this whole, excitement versus nervousness is doing me feng shui in lol.

‘i can do this’, is my mantra today!


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

the countdown

15 days till exhibition.

eeeeeek.

i’m cool though. i’m ready.

eeeeeek.


kpm©


 

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abstract art [fuck off]

 #abstractart #artist #macro #bnw #photography #kpm©


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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ewww hurt feelings …

It’s been a strange day and I was / am reluctant to be here, trying to express it … but here I am anyway.

I feel awkward … oddly enough … trying to admit I felt ratshit today. Not because feeling ratshit is bad per se, but because I don’t like admitting I had hurt feelings and that made me feel ratshit … hurt feelings for Me, feels like weakness.

Basically I feel like a little bitch … there yah go … arrghhh.

It’s so much easier to be angry or annoyed or even a bit frustrated … but hurt feelings? Not cool …

But Yes, I’m getting over myself … and … here I am.

To get to the point, today someone I know, belittled my non-ability to be able to go to the shop; to be able to leave the house; to not be able to handle the ‘crowd’. They know it can be hard for Me to go anywhere, but I am managing it … well I’m trying … and have been for some time. I have my ups and downs … I make progress and take giant plummets and try and take all that shit in my stride.

It can be embarrassing. A fully grown, once was fiercely independent and extremely capable woman, now whimpering at the prospect of traveling in the car, of having to be in a crowded space, of talking on the phone, of bright lights and loud noises … Yes, I find it fucking embarrassing, humiliating and diminishing.

But I suck that shit up and I try and try and try … and I don’t know any other fucking person who tries and tries again, as much as I do.

And I do most of this shit on my own.

I don’t have a team of experts guiding me through … or a cheer leading squad that encourages me to keep going … literally, I’d be lucky to have 2 encouraging things said to me in a month about progress or how far I’ve come, or just a friendly high fucking five and ‘can i help you at all’.

But that is the story of my life … and despite that, I still fucking get up and try again.

But today.

Today I may have just spilt a few tears.

Just a few.

It’s not that I haven’t been belittled or humiliated before … but today, it just hurt.

So I sat with the hurt for a little while. I’m not big on feelings but it seems like I gotta deal with the bastards …

And after a little while was done, I looked for something ‘good’ that I had done recently; that I could be proud of.

I got the last of my paintings out.

I smiled at them.

I smiled because they are my final 3 for the exhibition, and I like them.

I did them. I like them. And no-one can take that away from Me.


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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photography .36

#bnw #ink #tattoo #macro #photography #kpm ©


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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photography .7

#abstract #art #macro #photography #photographer #kpm©


kpm ©


 

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photography .5

#bnw #tattoo #art #macro #photography #kpm ©


kpm ©


 

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a new home ..

One of my old abstracts is making its way to a new home on the weekend … I’ll miss it … it holds a shitload of memories and feelings … but, time to let it go I feel

photo-on-4-11-16-at-12-11-8


kpm ©


 

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the ‘f’ word

I’ve had conversations over the last few years on my use of the word ‘fuck’. General consensus is that I use it far too much. Even the most ‘open minded’ individuals seem to think I use it far too much.

Their opening sentence is always followed by a ‘reason’ why I should drop the ‘f’ word and take up more polite nouns and adjectives. Two of my favourite reasons have been… “profanity use stems from a lack of intelligence whereby its user resorts to some sort of linguistically primitive state”…that was a good ‘in…oh then there’s…”what kind of example are you setting for your children and grandchildren”.

Passive aggressive bullshit!

So now…when they say…

“you use the ‘f’ word far too much”

I say…

“thank you, I try”


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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