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unfucking thyself 101.46

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

46.

My Mama gave Me this little beauty when we moved here. It says it all really.

We moved here (next to the beach) so I could hear the waves … smell the salt air … and when I got a bit better-er … swim in the ocean.

Thats happened … happening … slowly but surely. We’ve been here nearly 4 years and sometimes I forget the shit-fucked state I was in when we first arrived here. And I was like it all the time! Shaking … panicy … couldn’t get out the front door during the day, let alone the clothesline or the letterbox … couldn’t ride in the front seat of the car … couldn’t talk on the phone …

On some days I have long moments of all these things, as they raise their ugly heads again and kick Me in the Vag … I can almost hear them laugh at Me … saying “Hey bitch remember Us”.

Yeah I remember.

I remember how far I’ve come and that I am Not as fucked us I used to be 😉

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unfucking thyself 101.28

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

28.

I’m not really sure the photograph does the ‘mindful moment’ justice. But there it is anyways …

I went to the beach again (Yuss! A ‘Win’ to Me today) … and it was peopley, even! It was so hot I pretty much didn’t give a flying fuck about anyone else … and even went for a swim in my undies LOL.

But as I was making like a beached whale, and not looking for any particular mindfulness moment, one smashed Me in the face in the form of a giant wave!

Now a couple things came to ‘mind’ …

I think this whole mindfulness routine is supposed to be a ‘being in the present’ – ‘appreciating the moment’ kinda thing … but what I did wonder in my moment, whilst gulping large amounts of salt water … was:

Who defined what past, present and future actually is?

Because it occurred to Me today, that in my ‘culture’, there really isn’t such a thing. It’s all fluid.

It just Is.

Emotions. Thoughts. Events. They’re All Right Here, Right Now, even if they were 10 years ago.

Which got Me onto the 2nd thing.

A few years ago a man I knew (he is a ‘healer’, in Our sense of the word), who has since passed, was talking about listening and learning from nature. That sitting in the rain will give you lessons in ‘feeling’ and being ‘present’, so to speak.

That sitting in Tangaroa (the Ocean), will give you lessons in breathing and ‘being present’, so to speak. Because if you’re not watching what Tangaroa is doing; how he’s changing and rolling … you Will definitely get smacked up the side of the head by an enormous wave, And you won’t be able to breath lol.

I Got That Today.

Tangaroa is a huge force that is continuously changing his ebbs and flows and currents: he’s predictable – but completely unpredictable.

Isn’t that exactly how Life is?

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photography ~ black and whites #118

#bnw #bnwmood #bnwlove #bnwfeels #bnwphotography #bnwappreciation #tangaroa #versus #theman #pipi #hunting #manandbucketin #manandbucketout #onlytake #whatyouneed #kaitime #photoblog #photograph #photo #photography #kpm ©

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photography ~ my backyard #112

#BeachDay in the Rain ❤

#beach #beachday #rainyday #mykindofday #mokos #mokoday #arting #photoart #bymokosandme #fun #love #nopeople #lol #photograph #photoblog #photography #kpm©

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unfucking thyself 101.26

Karakia:

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae.

26.

I woke up to moko madness, of the lovely variety of course … but also noted another strange noise … well, actually, lack of noise. Thats right the peoplely thing has diminished. Fuckers have gone home, with their kids and their dogs and their motorbikes … to get ready for another year of slaving to pay the mortgage while their kids get another year of mindless ‘education’ … and it is quiet again.  So fucking quiet I could actually hear the ocean again.

So today was an easy one. We went to the beach and swam in the rain!!

I had to do a short clip, because the sound is everything!

I love my beach … and today I actually felt some freedom.

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photography ~ black and whites #115

#bnw #bnwmood #bnwfeels #bnwlove #bnwphotography #mybackyard #mybeach #myview #mokos #mokolove #appreciating #lovinglife #photoblog #photograph #photo #photograhy #kpm ©

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i got there …

It’s been a while cos it’s way too peopley in our neck of the woods at the moment … holidays and all … and with all the sunshine, every man, woman, child and their pets have descended on our little paradise … argghh.

But yesterday afternoon it was over cast and everyone had decided to buggar off, so we went down to our beach.

She’s still glorious …

I even made ‘sand angels’ (equivalent to snow angels, but with sand 😉 ) and watched the clouds roll by.

Just what I needed.

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photography ~ my backyard #111

#mybackyard #mybeach #beach #beachlife #lovingbeachlife #sunset #beauty #mybeauty #colours #oranges #reds #blues #photoblog #photograph #photography #kpm©

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dinner at the usual spot <3

No where else in the world

I’d rather be.

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“lets do coffee or dinner sometime …” … yeah … ok

I’ve written about this before:

I Miss Going Out For Coffee at a Cafe.

Of all the things (besides the obvious – visiting my grand babies regularly!), this is the one thing I feel pts(d) has taken that I may never get back. I miss everything about it. The coffee, of course – the smell; the sounds; the idle chatter; the ‘feeling’ … I miss this more than going out for dinner.

And when someone says: “lets catch up … have coffee … go out for dinner …”, can you imagine what goes through my skull? It’s not joy at that prospect thats for sure! It’s usually sadness; a touch of whimsical remininance followed by a sharp pang of guilt then dread … followed closely by a lie … “Sure, sounds great …” … or the truth (depending on whose doing the asking) … “No thats not going to happen anytime soon, but your welcome to do an alternative with Me … Interested?” … which is usually followed by them saying … “Ahhhh … I’ll look at my schedule and get back to You …”

Oh well … It weeds out the flakes thats for sure …

But, the partner misses going out for dinner. The man can eat a small countries worth of food in one sitting! I shit you not!

So the other night he says:

“You want to do dinner at our favourite place?”

Feeling slightly perplexed and wondering what the fuck he’s on, I give him that ‘look’ … and he says : “Our beach. We can have our steak dinner down there.”

Awww … He’s been listening … Finally.

So we did … and while he tried to do ‘wave riding’ I parked up in the boot of the car and wrote and when he’d finished flailing about in the ocean lol … we cooked our steak dinner on our little gas burner and then sat in the sand and enjoyed this view:

Now that’s how ‘dining out’ should be done … and that view! Can’t get that through the window of a restaurant!

And this is what ‘reframing’ pts(d), for Me, is all about. Not just finding ‘alternatives’, but finding something better that becomes the new ‘Norm’.