hormone fuckery …


that’s it.

kpm ©




update on the hormone un-fuckery.

that last couple periods, i’ve been mapping them a bit closer than usual. since the confirmation of good old peri-menopause, i decided more than ever, that i needed to get a grip on this whole embracing the ‘womanhood’ thing.

i think the first time i was given pain meds for periods, i was about 13. it was the doctors opinion that i was being OTT & that kick ass pain killers would fix everything.

its kinda a crime, i reckon, that something as natural as menstruating, is diagnosed as an illness & an inconvenience, & is then ‘shut up’ or shut down. am i surprised really though? after all i’ve learnt over the years.

womanhood is despised instead of celebrated.

they forget that without that uterus of ours, there’d be no life.

anyway …

with a fine tooth comb, i went over all the ‘symptoms’ that are usually quite unbearable, related to perioding & menopause, cos for me they’re quite similar, just magnified.

i decided awhile ago to go with the natural route re ‘treating’ symptoms. which is a bit fucking hard really.

again … its a lot easier to just shut it down.

so, during these phases, i have the following things to manage: oh, as well as fucking (p)tsd!

  • sore tummy
  • sore boobs … like gonna from off your chest kinda sore!
  • itchy rashes, usually on the lower back
  • sore glands
  • itchy eyes & nose – similar to hayfever
  • cough
  • generally run down
  • gums bleed
  • dizzy
  • hot flushes
  • irritability (more than usual)
  • tearful
  • nauseous
  • achey body
  • headache
  • extreme vertigo
  • memory loss
  • sinus ache
  • panic attacks
  • increased general anxiety
  • sore throat
  • heavy bleeding / clotting
  • insomnia
  • increased sensitivity to light, smells & noise
  • shingles

yeah. thats about it in a nutshell.

so i trolled the symptoms & then the internet to find solutions.

i’m pretty gangstah like that.

& heres what i came up with:

  • remifemin –  helps calm the hot flushes & irritability & as a side effect, also lessens the anxiety.

  • magnesium sleep cream with lavender – helps lessen the anxiety & insomnia & has a cooling effect.

  • raspberry leaf tea – helps with the uterus & tummy cramps. i’ve been adding this to my ‘tea’ concoctions during period times

  • caraway seeds added to brown sugar & hot water for nausea & tummy cramps.

  • whilst trying to flush / detox my system, i’ve been using nettle tea added to oat straw (for anxiety), ginger (for vertigo), & sage (for mood). i’ve also added in half an iron tablet just before my period & stop them 3 days after i finish.

so, what’s the results for moi?

fucking awesome!

i was skeptical AF, as usual: but i pretty much had nothing to lose.

& i’m happy to report that all that shit above, the symptoms, were either completed alleviated & / or halved.

how fucking grateful am i????


& thats all i have to say about that ;)

kpm ©


hormonal update. ikr …

its all part of the cycle of life apparently.

change, that is.

& change, physical, mental or otherwise, can be fucking hard.

peri-menopause is the official title. today its just bullshit. bullshit changes. hard changes. physically harsh changes.

but its all part of the cycle of life apparently.

kpm ©



the goddesses heard my plea.

and we’re steady … ish,

thank fuck!

kpm ©



i am:



reconciling thine hormones.

they’re heating up.

and not in a ‘i’m so sexy’ way neither.


thats it for now.



reconciling the hormones.

and we have happy hormones!

‘celebrating the little things’


kpm ©



reconciling the mother fucking hormones …

All over the dam place.

Thats an apt description of what those little bastards are doing.

The other day I kinda felt like I was getting a wholesome grip on the whole transitional menopausal thing, and feeling slightly grateful for the hormones that are part of my biology. Yah know, the ones that make my uterus shed its fucking lining each month and make Me want to impale someone/s to the nearest tree.

But today I’ve gone from cool and calm to tearful and fucking agitated … to clarity and organised … back to tearful and agitated.

Whilst the period is coming to a close, my insides are still uncomfortable and the anxiety is peaking and dissipating as fast as I can say ‘fuck it all’.

And I am breathing … well trying … and reminding myself that being a biological woman is a beautiful thing … and hey, you’re about to be a Nan again! ‘Your legacy is about to grow again …’ and that couldn’t happen without the assistance of your uterus … blah blah.

And breathing.

Oh my fuck.

Biological womanhood aint all it’s cracked up to be ;)

kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


yep. the hormones.

Now these things have been a cunt of a thing to juggle lately … not sure if thats ‘normal’, as in the ebbs and flows … or if it’s just ‘my normal’ … fuck knows …

What I am discovering however, is by increasing iron supplements just before my period, seems to help with the process … and boosting the fuck outta my immune system (vit c etc) a week before my period and during, also seems to minimise the damage done to this shining example of biological womanhood ;)

The flushes seem to have dissipated quite abit, unless i’m tearing around like a blue ass fly, then they liberally kick my ass … solution to that has been sorta simple … I pace my shit over days, instead of hours! Clever ay … *eye ball roll*

The up shot, is (dare I say it), it’s becoming ‘manageable’ … more manageable, and bearable, than it was before!

So Yip-fucking-pie!! I’m stoked with that!

kpm ©




Well, today I’m an ’emotional’ write-off.

How do I know this?

This morning I burst into tears. Not at anything really … Just cos I did.

And then not more than half an hour later I wanted to smash my partners phone over his annoying head.

So, I’ve sent myself to my room and am going to put a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door handle … Or better yet: ‘enter at thine own risk’.

Physicality wise … the boobs are beginning to ache like they have a fucking headache … and my head is actually aching. I can feel my uterus trying to escape and my pelvic floor muscles are having a spaz all on their own.

Oh Joy.


kpm ©


reconcile the hormones?

Hmmm little bastards …

They’re up and down and all over the fucking place at the moment. Feels like a really long rollercoaster ride that promises an end, but so far we haven’t gotten to it …

And I moan my ass off on days like yesterday and today … but really, in comparison to a few months ago, I’m getting a handle on my shizz … slowly … ever so slowly … but the point being … I am getting a handle on it ;)

I’m bracing myself for the next period round, which always bring an added touch of excitement to my life …’said No Woman Ever’ …

I started taking iron tablets a couple weeks ago, just cos, I felt like I needed it … it’s taken that long to get used to them but I can feel a slow steady increase in energy levels and less funky-ness, which is cool. Don’t worry, I aint counting my chickies beofre they hatch … but it is a trial and era sort of thing.

And since I’m mapping my cycles alot closer, I’ve decided to up my doses of Vitamin C a week before my period just to see if it helps with the headaches, dizzyness and generalised unwell feeling I get throughout.

Oh well, fingers crossed ay!

kpm ©



She’s been a harsh few weeks, hormonally speaking … well I think it’s the hormones anyway.

I’m all over the fucking place … thats the first thing that gave it away!

But then theres the panic fucks … that seem to have heightened slightly over the last week or two. I took stock and realised I was actually packing away more anti anxiety meds in a day than I thought. Freaked Me out a little … but I’m slowly getting back on track.

I’m blaming stress and hormones. The two together are utter bastards.

And why the pretty green leaves I hear you ask …

The sort of nauseating irritating feeling you get when you look at the shiny yellowy green? Thats what ALL this feels like a the moment.

Thanking the earplug goddesses for the newbies … and still breathing deeply.

kpm ©



reconciling the hormones.argh.

Soooo, the hormones ay … this is the current status of those puppies …

They are producing mind-boggling, skin inflamed rashes.

Now these aren’t ‘abnormal’ for Me … and I’ve had eczema for years on and off … thanks to my ultra sensitive skin. But this lot is wildly irritating and hair pullingly annoying. Made even more annoying by my decrease in antihistamines … which by the way, I only take when I absolutely have too … and yes, this was one such occasion.

The rashes seem to come with hot flushes and thank fuck the hot flushes seem to be subsiding, possibly due to the weather being a little cooler … not sure really.

I’m basically winging the hormone thing … still haven’t been to the doctors, cos captain obvious is bound to just state the obvious … ‘You possibly in peri-menopause and we can give you *such and such* drugs and hormones …’. Yeah, not doing that so I’ll save myself $40 and just roll with Aunty Google and natural remedies.

Which reminds Me, a friend has suggested Peppermint Essential Oil for the hot flushes … apparently it helps with the cooling down thing … so I’m gonna try that next week.

The panic attacks and anxiety are slowly subsiding which makes Me pretty certain that they are effected by hormone fuckery.

Oh the joy.

Seriously though, I am pleased I’m slowly piecing things together and am able to try ‘new’ natural things.

It all feels like progress and transition … oh and it’s definitely helped embracing it instead of dreading it.


kpm ©



me & the hormones.


So, apparently no biological woman has died from / during Menopause.

But …

Do we know if any partner of a menopausal woman, has been greviously harmed / killed during the course of them saying something extremely stupid to said menopausal woman?

*asking for a friend*

kpm ©



the hormones.

Hmmm what to say about the blessed hormones at the moment ??

Well …

  1. I’m due for my period according to my trusty calendar
  2. However, due to the fact that my memory is a shit collective at present, it is quite likely that I’ve entered the wrong ‘finish’ date and thus the wrong ‘start’ date has popped up.
  3. Yes. Thats what I’ve done forever, to map my little periodical hormones / symptoms etc etc.
  4. So boobs are starting to ache and that is a sure sign of impending period-ness.
  5. I’m shitty as fuck … but that could be period or meno-pausical symptoms ;)
  6. My ears keep popping, and the vertigo is off the charts at the mo.

Ahhh, so thats what I was going to ramble about, was the vertigo situation.

It gets worse around pre-period time even though the blessed doctor says my hormones have nothing to do with the vertigo situation; I think he’s all cack … and having never had a period himself, how the fuck is he supposed to tell Me that I am wrong … Pfft.

So, menopause wise … it kinda go-figures that if my normal is vertigoy at period time, then it would do the same at menopausal time .. Right?


So working on this theory … and having spent the last 2 days flat on my back (for a lot of the day anyways) or in some lotusy type position on the floor … the dizzy, vertigo feeling should pass within the next few days and return on the odd occasion just like a hot flush … hmmm



But just to throw a spanner in my theoretical works, I’ve realised that with the lessening of cigarettes, I am thusly coughing up some amazing looking gunk and my sinuses are doing some freaking shit which throws out my physical balance aka more fucking vertigo …. sooooo …

It could also be plausible that when all nicotine and other such shit is outta my system … and my sinuses and lungs have thusly adjusted … and my natural feng shui has returned to that of a 11 year old (when I started smoking … ), I could be feeling abit more balanced???



Well fucking hope so …

So, until I figure out abit more … Cheers to all biological women and their biological-ness ;) Yous have my sympathies and undying admiration!

kpm ©


pretty fucken sure i’m pre menopausal

So what does a well scholared individual do?

That’s right,

she consults with Aunty Google

who turns up 34 pre menopausal symptoms

so I can identify


Turns out,

I’ve had all, bar 2, of these ‘symptoms’

all of my fucken life.

So just got 27 & 34

to look forward too.


Fuck you Aunty Google.

kpm ©