i’m not a



shit a brick

you know,

for someone who

empties their



I’m still

pretty much,

full of


* ” * ” *




















mauri of me #37 ~ bullshit-o-meter

I’ve been plodding around my ‘mauri of me’ segment, (much like the rest of my life at the moment) pretty much detailing the stuff that is ‘Me’, is my essence; but is also pretty meh. If you get my drift. Yes, its all helped Me to remember and understand who I Am; but not really getting to the nitty gritty – the deep and dark stuff. Well that shit, in my world, is called avoidance and minimization.

I was unceremoniously reminded of that tonight whilst reading a friends blog. And it kind of slapped Me in the face, and it still smarts lol.

I’ve been avoiding lots. I know … my average ‘written’ post doesn’t really allude to this fact. My ‘average’ is slightly darker and deeper than most … but it in all truth, it’s surface crap.

I’ve enjoyed wading around in the shallow water of avoidance. I think we all need to take a dip in there sometimes. Helps to ease the tension.

But that isn’t really my area of expertise.

My bullshit-o-meter has always been set to ultra sensitive. And whilst it’s been jumping all over the place lately, I was assuming it was because of the issues with my father etc.

I forgot about Me.

It’s always about Me.

You see, when I avoid shit, I run into trouble. The issues with my father, are to some degree, of my own making. I told myself I was being patient with him … understanding … working through things. And all the while, my bullshit-o-meter was pinging off the charts.

I listened to those around Me that said ‘he’s old’, ‘he’s set in his ways’, ‘he’s grieving’, ‘he’s your father’ … because while they were right to some degree, they couldn’t see what I could see. Which was a big old neon signing screaming “Bullshit … come get your dose of Bullshit”.

I thought some how, that I could lure him out of his own bullshit but instead I muddied up my own waters.

So here I am, wondering if I should reset my meterage or take actual notice of it.

It’s still pinging.

It notes that I have invested too much time in a man who Lies as ‘go too’ response. It also notes that it is set to ‘high’ because there has been a need for it, and although I had come to terms with a certain amount of past bullshit, I shouldn’t set the volume on low just yet. It also notes, that bullshit is bullshit no matter whose mouth its dribbling out of.

With that noted, here’s my point.

I lost touch with my ‘bullshit’ receptors. And whilst getting all touchy and feely about things is cool, and necessary to a certain degree – my receptors are set the way they for a dam good reason.

To protect Me.

As I reconcile, I am able to deal with things differently. There is no need to hide under the covers anymore; or freeze and play dead. No, I am quite able to respond in another form – violently or non violently.

But to remove the alarm bells is stupid.

Lesson learnt.



366 reasons to smile ~ +257.

+257. She says as she de-friends her father off’ve Facebook 😉


in-same in-sane

sane is a 9 to 5

a house in the burbs

.2 kiddies



sane is also

waiting politely

in a que, that has no end

its filling in paperwork

when your

heart is giving way

its choosing the chocolate


because everyone else


so sane,

is same?



seems a tad



First Published on: Jun 5, 2016 @ 22:58 😉


I Am Jane Doe


I watched  “I Am Jane Doe”.

Holy shit.

I’m still a little gob-smacked so am reverting to my trusty bullet points for now.

  • The movie is about child sex trafficking and changing the laws in America which allow children to be sold on the internet.
  • These sites, are buy and sell pages; but with an added bonus – Children for sex for sale.
  • The issues I had with copyright and pictures being on a website with pornographic picture of children on it, are the issues that this movie are referring too.
  • Apparently it is alright to sell children for sex and exploitation; especially on the internet.

Ok. Breathing.

The good?

  1. The gutsy survivors of this predatory behaviour, along with their parents and lawyers, are still fighting to have the laws changed, which allow the pornographic depiction and selling of children on the internet, to happen.

Fuck your freedom of speech laws America … this is some bullshit alright.

2. What we always knew to be true; that predators come in all shapes and sizes with all sorts of inclinations, are assholes; and are supported by assholes. And these assholes are becoming more brazen, which in my opinion, will be their demise.

Fuck your inclinations and your ‘rights’ … Children should have more rights than you assholes.


366 reasons to smile ~ +158.

+158. Me 🙂



366 reasons to smile ~ +146.

+146. No explanation necessary.


366 reasons to smile ~ +135.

+135. Found this one on my FB page and it made Me LOL … Until …

The chickie that had posted it decided to PM Me and groom Me for her new online business LOL … By the time I had finished with her, it was She, who wasn’t laughing … and I got another LOL out of that! 😉