so, in between the awesomeness that was attending birthdays & unwanted appointments, i got sick. the kind of sick that required a visit to the docs office.
i generally avoid going to the docs a. cos i dont like it there & b. i prefer to utilise ‘alternative’ means for ‘healing’ that a doc surgery does not supply, but the latter is a whole other story …
anyways, whilst @ the docs, the nurse comes out & calls me into her ‘office’. as i head through the door she reckons, ‘the doc is running late, we’ll do a quick smear test ay?’.
& thats where it all devolved & revolved.
without going into too much of a back story: like my stand on racism, misogyny, sexism, feminism etc etc i preach empowerment cos i believe in empowerment. for me, that means, i own what happens to me – i find out what i need to about a certain situation / item / thing, that i be fucking with, so that any decision made therein in wholly MINE.
this also translates to what i teach / exchange / pass on. if you ask me to do something with / for you, i’ll ask you WHY. not to be rude but to ascertain whether a. you dont know how to do it & want to learn b. you want to hang out, therefore imo, we could do something else … thats like, enjoyable 😂 or c. your a lazy cunt & want me to do it for you. b & c i dont fuck with. i won’t do something FOR you, but i will teach you so you can do it for yourself. thats what i call empowerment. its also what i expect when i ask someone for something … teach me, dont do the condescending twat number on me.
anyway, so back to the nurses office … i’ve declined smear tests for over a year now. due to having pts(d) i decided this was one less thing to be fucking with atm & i will get back to it when I’m ready. considering i know how to take care of my own teke & have been for some time now 🙄 i figured they’d respect that decision, & at least write the bastard on my notes so they dont have to keep repeating the ‘request’. but every time i ring or go in we have the same ‘discussion’.
this time however, with the door wide open so all the waiting area could hear, i said to her when she says, yet again ‘lets do a quick smear’ : ‘No. i’ve told you people that i find it traumatising, on more than one occasion’ … she butts in & says, ‘but its free’ … & i retort, ‘ i know its fucking free cos i put MAORI on the forms, therefore its free, but thats not the point. i’ve repeatedly told you people that i dont want the inside of my twot scrapped by any piece of plastic until i’m good and ready and then i will make the appointment, on my terms, & come and get it done. i was actually going to make that appointment for the end of this year but you can go fuck yourself now … ‘ @ this point she started looking at the ground and shifting unsteadily in her seat, but continued to plug the smear thing, the stats etc … ‘yes, i know the fucking stats, but you are not hearing ME. again i repeat … i find this shit extremely traumatising & you re-engaging in this conversation is also fucking traumatising. can you stop …’
this went on for 5-10 minutes. imo, i’d consider that to be bullying, if i wasn’t who i am. this type of behaviour has the opposite effect on me. i will definitely NOT be doing what you ask if you push me. thats who i am.
her outro was a pathetic apology & getting me to sign a waiver that says if i die of cancer of the cervix its not their fault & to take my name off ‘the list’ that i didn’t put myself on in the first place.
the problem with this whole thing, for me, is there is no choice or care its just ass covering fear mongering & i suspect a payday going on. i dont disagree that us women should be getting our shit scrapped and tested … cool. But on MY terms fuckers, not YOURS.
& yes i am fucking impressed with myself.
& that concludes my medical rant for the day 😂😘