i am pleased to say, a nice day today.
it rained, and rained, and rained. and i love the rain. i dug the garden in the rain. and planted carrots in the sandy soil. thanks to Jim, i now know carrots, garlic and onions, go well in sandy soil. thanks Jim.
i had chorizo for dinner. never had it before, and it won’t be the last time!
i updated my profile picture and am going to change my categories. again.
i need minimalism.
lots of minimalism.
and rain. lots more rain.
i feel calmer today. not wound up.
realised: i am what i am. and thats ok.
A different theme that is; that I completely dug like I do with the current one … so I’m sticking with my Syntax for now … It does everything I want and is as minimal as I need for Me to feel at one with My universe 😉
So a couple minor tweaks and I reckon I’m set.
And all is alright with Me’s World … for now.
*Breathing a contented sigh of relief*
So twitter got the chop … See Yah 😉
Over the next week or month or so … or however long it takes, I shall be combining both of my blogs and doing some more ‘reconstruction’ of categories etc …
The great Reconciliation Process lol.
Please bear with Me as I figure My shizz out 😉
Photographer Paola de Grenet is the Edge of Humanity Magazine contributor of this social documentary photography. From her project ‘Life as a Transsexual‘. To see Paola’s body of work click on any image. Barcelona is a liberal city with a vast community of gays, travesties and transsexuals. It is a […]
via Transsexuals, Sex Reassignment Surgeries & Prostitution In Barcelona — Edge of Humanity Magazine
So,as I sit here downloading more episodes of Dora the bloody explorer, for moko #4’s impending arrival … listening to the fire roaring, cos its also bloody freezing … feeling toasty in my birthday slippers … and looking super comfy with my Nanny bun on top of my head …
A thought occurs …
‘When did I stop being gangster?’
so defined by aunty google as:
gerund or present participle: grooming
brush and clean the coat of (a horse, dog, or other animal).
“the horses were groomed and taken to shows”
prepare or train (someone) for a particular purpose or activity.
“star pupils who are groomed for higher things”
And what does this have to do with Me?
lets re-google and quote the learned Urban Dictionary:
The act of luring another with gifts, favors, promises, praise, or bbqribs with the intent of gaining sexual favors. The perpetrator of “grooming” must have a significant advantage of emotional intelligence, financial independence, intelligence quotient or simply perpetrating against a minor.
The perp must have a significant advantage of … etc.
But where does “having a motive or intention to do something in your own favour, without the ‘recipient’ knowing your motive or intention” fit into that equation?
You see, people ‘groom’ others everyday.
Yes they do.
I want the last piece of cake. I could get up in the middle of the night and eat it. My intention is to have it by all means necessary you see. But instead … I do the following:
“Have you put on a bit of weight?
“Those pants look a little tight … but it suits you … sort of …
“Are you still watching your sugar intake?
“You seem a little OTT today? Have you had extra sugar?
And then come the end of the day, when I ask:
“Do you want the last piece of cake sweetheart?
You Say …. Ahhhh No thanks, think I need to watch my weight and sugar intake … help yourself 🙂
So, has this all been a manipulative process – with method and intent – to get what I want?
And it worked a treat!
And does this occur everyday in nearly every situation we are put into?
Yup, it certainly fucking does. Too lesser or greater variations.
So as a heads up.
I Do Not Like Being Groomed.
Not for anything. Ever.
And as for intent …
I smell your intention long before you’ve entered the room.
Previous sexual assault, and living with its effects, gives Me a dam fine snout when it comes to that sort of bullshit.
And that right there is an A.1 positive fucking outcome that I am embracing the living shit out of right now!
+113. This was Me and my Italian dinner making 🙂
My blog(s) have a purpose.
a. they let me respond. or have a voice. a voice that has been sadly lacking and not been heard, for 40 odd years.
*Note: not that I haven’t tried. I’ve spent a lot of time fighting to be heard. But that is also a follow on from being an un-heard child. I get that now. Which is part of the ‘response’ element for me.
b. they let me ooze the anger.
*Note: anger is not a generally ‘loved’ element of humanity. Sure a few tweets here and there is ok for the generalised public; but full on gutt wrenching screaming at the world, blood curdling rage – not so much. And it tends to get you locked up. Oozing anger however, is slightly more therapeutic and can be filed under ‘creative writing’. Note also: most therapists used to tell you to scream into a pillow. But that shit doesn’t work (well not for me anyway).
c. they let me reflect.
*Note: I can look back on where I’ve been and appreciate the ‘journey’ I’ve taken, for what it is; figure out what works; what doesn’t and make peace with the bits that don’t anymore.
d. they let me get creative.
*Note: this is a tentative – watch this space, moment. I feel like I’m coming to the end of certain ‘responses’, because strangely enough, not as much pisses me off … yes, believe it or not. There are certain forms of creativity I am still developing and I think thats because these aren’t ‘responses’ anymore … they are about creating something new.
Now thats New for Me.
So watch this space.
Once the headache subsides and I can get a handle on whats happening to my insides … its creativity on 😉