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Your Man ~ Josh Turner : this reminds me of my girl :)

Josh Turner – Your Man, 2006

Every time my girl hears this, she does a little dance and grins from ear to ear as she sings along 🙂

I Love her fiercely xx

safe at last

Another ‘eureka’ moment whilst taking a dump …

All of my kids lives, my greatest driving force for them as a mother, was to protect them and to keep them safe.

It wasn’t nurturing them or making sure they got adequate education or socialisation.

It was protection.

My ‘protection’ button may have been set a little too high, but it is what drove me to stay alive … to do better … to leave them.

Did I always succeed? Hell No. And that devastated me more than half the shit that ever happened to me.

But recently, my girl and her family have moved to a new house. And my ‘eureka moment’ was in the realisation that she is safe. Finally.

That her location, her state of mind, are all about healing and happiness. And she will replicate that for her family.

All that I ever wanted for her, but couldn’t give her, she now has. And that is her doing! Which makes me prouder and happier than I can express.

That finally, she has what I always wanted for her.

Peace.

Contentment.

Safety!

365 reasons to smile ~ 152.

152. My daughter rang last night and I was asking how the mokos were. She told me this little story …

As a family, the kids have been watching TV in the mornings, since they were born. Well Mama and Papa have recently decided to make the process of getting ready in the mornings, smoother, by not allowing the TV on in the mornings. This also applies to after school.

Apparently they sat the kids down the other day and gave them the news.

Now apart from the no TV, the other new rule that has been implemented recently, is no swearing. … unless its expressive and theres no other word to use.  They’ve learnt the difference pretty fast thanks to a healthy smoothie concoction that tastes foul apparently, but gets drunk when a non expressive swear word escapes their lips … parents included lol.

So, the mokos got the news about the new no TV rule … and the oldest, who is 8 … doesn’t wait for a breath or a filter and bursts out with …

“WHAT …  THE … FUCK”

Both parents apparently choked back a bit of a laugh, and decided moko number one was expressing himself and this one could slide.

Moko has tried to bargain and complain and re negotiate this new rule, but hasn’t been successful.

My daughter says, the new rule is the best thing thats happened to them all LOL … apparently theres more talking and more homework done. Theres more ‘knowing’ their babies … more loving them xx

Well done my darling girl 🙂 And well done moko, for being expressive, and for trying to re negotiate LOL

All that, Made me smile 🙂

🙂

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365 reasons to smile ~ 51.

51. The Toodle-loo Motherfucker meme 😂 – my daughter sent me this and said it reminded her of me: L M F A O, I did 😆😆😂😂
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Author Unknown: from Facebook

many thoughts…the good…

Its been a hell of a long week…standard 7 days sure, but they felt like 14+! And if it wasn’t for the little date thingy on my screen, I’m not sure I’d actually, definitively know what the day and date was!

There’s been some awesome moments…and I hold onto those by my ultra long fingernails because they are what make this hellish feeling silently bearable.

So I’ll start with those moments…the good…

We looked after the mokos for the night…ahhh the other day I think. It was intense! Lovely intense; but I’m so past having a 2-year-old running around and a 6-year-old asking questions constantly lol. Don’t get me wrong, they were such a pleasure. I’m just…getting old lol. We were both absolutely wrecked by the time the next day rolled around, and when we finally got home, we hung out the washing and then collapsed in a small heap and slept for about 3 hours! OMG, I’m so soft now. I have a new-found appreciation for my daughter and her partner and their 3 beautiful children!

So, on this night, my daughter and her partner came home form their well deserved dining experience and my girl was slightly tipsy…and she started talking. We haven’t talked, talked, for along time…child restraints, time, distance etc etc. It was so nice…nice to hear her heart again. Shes my girl who has that great big heart; the deep deep soul. I heard her aches and her triumphs and the things she’s struggling with and wishes for. I heard her regrets and questions and ambitions and longings. I haven’t had the privilege of that for a long while now.

She talked about the things from her childhood that had hurt her. Things that I remembered but had a different perspective on. I got to tell her how I felt too. And she actually said, “You know; you’re a good Mum”. That was the best coming from her! I love her to bits…shes just an amazing soul…

Well we stayed up and talked like that for about 5 hours! It felt like when she was a little girl…we’d talk for hours! It’s how I got to know her 🙂

Her older daughter is also a deep wee soul. She has my sense, and her mamas sense, of the ‘unseen’…intuition, but with the senses. She has an intense sense of smell and can smell where you have been, what you ‘feel’ like, whats bothering you. But this little darling isn’t all hung up on what others think of her gift yet…it just is what it is, and she just rolls with it. It’s so nice to watch her, uninhibited.

Anyway, she had a game of hockey that she wanted me to go too. I said I couldn’t, and she started to cry. I felt bad but I knew I still couldn’t go. Then she stops crying and looks at me, and asks; “Why can’t you come?”…so I told her…”There’s to many people there for me darling, and I get scared. When I’m not scared, I’ll come to one of your games.”….Ohhh, she says…beautiful girl; just like she all of a sudden got it. Then she says to me, “and you can’t bring your pillow and blanky to the game ay”…no, sweetheart, I can’t…

She’s such a beautiful soul. All the mokos are. They have a deep sense, in differing ways, of understanding who and what is going on around them. And as long as you answer their questions brutally honestly, they are able to process all that is happening…the seen and the unseen. I don’t mean ‘ghostly’ unseen…but the vibes, body language, emotion; that is exuded by those around them. They are miles ahead of me, and their parents…all of humanity really. And it’s so beautiful to see.

It’s that subject that got me and my girl talking again later…about how each generation thinks they have a monopoly on ‘being right’; that they have all the answers to the previous generations mistakes and instead of learning from them, they are on a mission to rectify and rub their noses in it. We agreed that this is utter shit and there was a need to be able to transition from one ‘generation’ or era to the next, leaving behind what you need to, giving or passing on what you need to, and getting on with the present. Easier said than done…but a beautiful concept that we are all going to try.

xx