its currently a cunt of a day.

hormonally. horizontally & intuitively.

random as fuck you might say?

not really. as i’ve come to realise about my pedantic little self.

whilst my brain is clear (ish) & i’m full of ideas & energy: my body is not so fucking willing.

vertigo is through the roof, or the floor as the case my be. my tummy is doing somersaults & i’m guessing this is PMS in all its fucking glory (after referring to my anal little calendar), or i’m hungry … again. my head is aching, but that seedy sorta ache. oh & i’m as nauseous as fuck!

i’ve done the ’emotional’ check, such as it is, & i know there’s shit going on in there, i just cant quite put my weasely little finger on it yet.

i’ve done the ‘body’ check, such as that fucking is, & am taking an educated guess @ hormone fuckery.

whatever the fucks going on it’s lending to an ever increasing anxiety that’s building to a nice little panic fuck … possibly scheduled for … soon … if i cant catch my fucking breath.

yah know, some days are just cunty-er than others.

*rolling with it*

kpm ©


reconciling the hormones.

So I’m sort of back to the beginning, or there abouts, with these dam things. It’s an angst-tation cross between being a dissociative retard and actually having something physical going on.

What the fuck does that mean?

Well I’ve griped about this before, but as time ticks on, I can see a pattern emerging …

I’ve spent a life time NOT feeling shit. Not just emotion, but the physical feeling that goes with emotion. Yes, it seems as if theres a physical feeling associated with emotion. Just as there is a physical ‘feeling’ associated with being hungry, tired or in pain.

But did you know, that all the aforementioned ‘issues’ ‘feel’ very very similar and to fuck it up even more, they also ‘feel’ like hormonal fuckery and anxiety / panic fucks.

Yes, thats right, for Me, they all feel extremely similar.

So … what does one do when one feels one or all of these things happening or coming on?

  1. Hit the ground and breath deep
  2. Take a small amount of sedative
  3. Drink water
  4. Consult with stomach
  5. Try and eat something
  6. Take a pain killer
  7. Ice pack
  8. Peppermint essential oil
  9. Breath deeper
  10. Calming music
  11. Re check that I have eaten enough, drank enough.
  12. Re check and start at the beginning again until it (the panic fuck feeling and dizziness) subsides.

This has been Me on and off for the past couple days and feeling pretty over it. It’s kinda scary, so much so I may even go to the doctors arrghh.

Staying positive, whatever the fuck that means though.

Ok … trying to stay gangstah ;)

Love and light xo

kpm ©



fcuked day …

To scared to get in the shower

To scared to take a shit

To scared to breathe

To scared to breathe

It’s a motherfucking day

That I haven’t had this bad

In a long fucking while.

My money is on the fucked

Flashback bullshit.

The one where I can’t breathe …

So upside down I go,

Flat on my back …

breathing slowly

taking photos.

thats it.

kpm ©