and there was tears and snot, and more snot and tears

I’ve been trying to remain calm about the pending doctors visit today … just calm; nothing spectacular … calm would have sufficed.

I was calm … ish … playing my music, breathing deeply … and then the sour puss which is my partner right now, decided to strike up conversation just as we reached the outskirts of town … just where I hate being … just where the lights are bright and the noises peak … just where I loathe being on the way to somewhere I hate being even more …

“[Moko 1] asked why you don’t come to see them, or come into town.”

“And what did you tell him” was my reply. I shouldn’t have even asked. I should have just ignored the whole pending conversation and continued breathing deeply … but what felt like a slight rage coupled with a deep disappointment overwhelmed my spidey senses …

“Told him you don’t like people … cos thats all it is ay” was his naive and sarcastic reply.

Thats where there tears and snot began.

Now those who have pts(d) … or any other disability, mental and/or physical; and have struggled with educating your families on said ‘disability’ whilst trying to manage your own personal hell … will know the deep sinking feeling that hit my gutt in that moment.

Nearly 14 fucking years its been … him and I … and the last 8 or so have been struggling with the ‘unknown’ ‘disability’ that plagues my being … the last 3 years of actively trying my fucking best to manage that shit. And while he has his most blessed moments … this was not one of them … and I am well fucking over it.

The doctor was late, as usual, even though I was the first appointment of the day. Waiting causes severe fucking anxiety for Me. I got through the appointment, in tears and a large splattering of snot, but was over wiping any of that shit away so I just let it rain!!

Oh ugly ugly … but that shit obviously needed to come out, and come out it did!!

So, I got drugs that I can’t take … I’ll write another post on that fuckery another day arrghh … along with a raft of other shit that is more of the same shit … get my feels.

He filled in the fucking forms and had no idea where to send them so I took them with Me and gave them to the receptionist … she’s gangstah … with strict instructions to make sure some Cunt at ACC got that shit.

I am tired. I am a red faced puffy mess, I’ve just finished sweating like a rapist … my daughter has just walked in the door with chocolate! Fuck I love her!

And after a rather late quarter of a sedative, I have found my calm.

The positive: I fucking survived. I didn’t assault the doctor.

I live to tell the tale and to survive for another day.

Fuck pts(d).

kpm ©



complaint update: wins?

As I said previously, while these are partial victories … especially since it drained a shit tonne of energy from me … the battle with ACC continues … as @ august 23 2018!

So far I’ve had 3 responses to my complaints I laid.

Very pleasant responses I might add. 1 from the entity that is Accident Compensation Corporation, and 2 from The Health and Disability Commissioner.

None from the GP. And no ACC papers either I might add.

Contents of all emails … “We are so sorry that you feel the need to complain about our awesome services and we will be looking into the matter… soonish …. Your complaint has been forwarded to the appropriate Department …”


Let the bureaucratic paper shuffling, finger-pointing and blame laying begin ;)

Jun 4, 2016:

And we have result number 1 …


Followed by (partial) result number 2 … the infamous ACC forms!


A good day .. a good victory ;) Who said complaining doesn’t help ?? LOL

Jul 12, 2016:

So, I got a couple of email replies and about 5 phone calls in one week from the illustrious ACC. Amazing what a little complaining can do!

Step One – email the bastards – be concise and straight to the fucking point.

From: (ME) 
Sent: Friday, 27 May 2016 2:42 p.m.
To: Customerfeedback
 Subject: (ME)re Complaint
 Importance: High
 Sensitivity: Confidential

Kia Ora

Please find attached ACC709 form.

Claim Number: XXXXX.



Step Two – wait patiently for their ‘nancy’ reply / ‘confirmation receipt’.

From: Complaints ACC 
Sent: Monday, 30 May 2016 4:26 p.m.
To: (ME) Subject: For the attention of (ME) Sensitivity: Confidential

Dear (ME),

Thank you for your email and ACC709 complaint form.

I am sorry to read of the concerns you have raised.

This email is to confirm receipt and to advise that your complaint will be referred to Management of the Independent Allowance Unit to respond to you accordingly and address the issues you have raised.

Please feel free to contact me if you wish to discuss this further.

Kind regards


Step Three – wait patiently-er for, that’s right, AN APOLOGY!

Dear (ME),

In response to your email below, I approached Management of the Sensitive Claims Unit and also the Independence Allowance Unit to address your complaint.

It is my understanding that CXXX SXXX – Team Manager has been in contact with you directly and has apologised for the delays you incurred.  I see you have also been in contact with KXXX to discuss your application for a reassessment.

I hope this has been of assistance.

If you do have any further concerns relating to this matter please feel free to contact either CXXX or KXXX directly.

Thank you for your time,

Kind regards


But wait, ‘incurred’??? I don’t think so lady … but any-who …

I took the apology. And the one they rang with … twice. I didn’t say a word in response. I didn’t say ‘oh that’s ok’ … or ‘oh that’s fine’ … or ‘well at least we’re moving forward now’. Hell No.

I took my apology with a cup of coffee and a deep sigh of satisfaction … silently. It was extremely nice hearing their discomfort on the other end of the phone.


But I decided not to print off the email and frame it because apparently:


ACC Customer Resolutions – Operations Services

ACC cares about the environment – please don’t print this email unless it is really necessary. Thank you.

Shame they don’t care about their ‘customers’ in the same way.

~ Watch this space for more riveting ACC updates ;)

kpm ©



doctor and dickheads and dealing with it : my way

So, awhile ago, I had a huge rant/vent re: ACC and my doctor … amongst other rants lol …

And I’ve been brewing on the ‘where to now’ bullshit.

And Nan did always say there was more than one way to skin a cat .. she just didn’t tell me how .. but, I think that was her way of getting us to ‘think outside the box’ … come up with alternative solutions.

In keeping with this whole thought train …

I was at a Hui (meeting/gathering) a few years ago … one of those ‘this is going to change the way I think’ sort of gatherings.

The jist of it all was how best to respond to The Crown in relation to all their past, current and continued breaches of Te Tiriti O Waitangi and the Indigenous in Aotearoa (New Zealand). Te Tiriti O Waitangi is our founding document in New Zealand … It’s why any and all immigrant / European peoples were able to settle here. It was also supposed to be a partnership between The Crown and the Indigenous, to enable them to reside here, and us to retain autonomy. The Crowns first breach came within months of signing and we, Tangata Whenua (indigenous/people of the land), have been talking, debating, strategizing, fighting … ever since. Each generation has done their piece … added to the history of reconciliation, reparation, justice and moving on. The Crown however, jumped from the discussions straight to the ‘moving on’ bit … and their idea of moving on entails the Indigenous shutting their mouths and getting on with being imprisoned, living in an impoverished state … generally being at the bottom of the barrel.

Anyway, at this Hui it was discussed that we had done and tried virtually everything short of revolution by violence. And while there were many that still thought this to be the only option; there was another voice that got heard that day. An old guy .. who’d obviously lived a long, enlightened life.

He started talking about the way we had always done things … the things we had done so far. That we, too, were skipping a step. He believed that our tipuna (ancestors) had carried an enormous amount of grief over the rape and pillage that had been done to us as a people and the land, that we were entrusted to care for.

He believed we had already done everything that we needed to, in response to the Crowns breaches and continued atrocities. And that the issue or the problem, didn’t lie with Us.

He said … that the issue was who we were dealing with; their lack of mana (dignity); that they continuously move the goal posts, because that is their nature. They had and have no intention of being honourable and trustworthy. Of doing the right thing. We gave them the benefit of the doubt and it cost us generations of lives and livelihood. But history should tell US that their core intentions have never changed. Colonisation was always their intention, not partnership.

None of this was said in malice, which I thought was astonishing. But in closing he said, well asked … what are we going to do differently?

By that he meant, we had tried it The Crowns way … we had let them define the boundaries in which we respond. That we needed to stop doing that and find a way to respond that is ON OUR TERMS and is in the best interests of US.

So when we marched to Parliament, this time, we did it in silence, with the intention of taking our tipunas maemae (grief) and laying it where it belonged … returning it to the abusers so to speak . Along with legislation that has been breached since 1840.

This was the last land march/protest I did. It was most profound and extremely hard to explain. We could feel the weight of sadness move with us; what should have taken about 20 minutes to walk, took close to 2 hours. But it didn’t feel like it. Everything went quiet … and we were in the city … all the traffic went silent; even the birds went silent. All you could hear was us walking. And the gentle weeping from the old people who were with us.

And while the mainstream media down played the whole thing, as they do .. It was one of the most memorable and life changing land marches I’ve ever done. Because our intention was different than other times. We got to respond as we needed to, not how They wanted us too.

So, in light of this … I realised that my venting or responding to ACC / the Doctor, has always been within their guidelines … by their rules. And I am getting nowhere fast! Because that is how they do things. They aren’t interested in my well-being, they are interested in only themselves. In remembering this … I can put together my response, my way. To benefit me.

So, I am currently writing up 2 ‘complaints’ … or list of breaches; by ACC and the Doctor. When I am done, these will go to this website:

  1. Because I need to vent
  2. I need to be heard
  3. I need the information recorded

Thereafter, I gather up my forms from the Doctor, as they are. I take them to another doctor and have the bastards filled in … as per ACC requirement.

When I’ve done that, I make copies of all of it and send off the partially filled in forms and the new ones, to ACC.

The doctor won’t look good; the date stamp on the first form will get me back paid till then and ACC can review the shit out both sets of forms! Nan was right: there is more than one way to skin a cat ;)

And then, for now, I will let it go.

I don’t want to spend all my precious, sometimes rather depleted, time and energy on those assholes.

I want to enjoy the sunshine and wind; stack wood; write my blog; listen to beautiful music … and when my ass is not so broken …. DANCE :)


kpm ©



‘banshee’ time bitch!


Woke up thinking about my asshat doctor and my forms he still hasn’t filled out! Grrr

Think I’ve been watching too much ‘Banshee’ though; having visions of busting into his office with my glock and samurai sword and kicking his procrastinating ass till he’s filled those fuckers in!!!

Alternative is the Health and Disability Commission and a formal complaint … the former seems so much simpler!!

kpm ©