
having exercised my right to say NO.
i felt the fear rise instantly.
then i felt his soft hand tight on the back of my neck.
it wound it’s fingers round my hair, anchoring me in place.
i grabbed the stroller with my free hand, the other grabbed the back of the anchored hand which had started dragging me, the stroller & my baby, down the road.
2 long streets toward home.
half stumbling.
half gaining momentum.
it was a long enough drag to know there was gonna be damage done at the finish line.
It would be me.
or my baby.
that’s what i thought.
how did i get here.
in a place where this was the choice.
& as i caught a half sight of baby in the stroller, i marvelled at how peacefully she slept.
i steadied the stroller.
the dragging got heavier & lower, making it harder to keep the stroller on all it’s wheels, as we got to the driveway of home.
well, what was supposed to be home anyway.
i started purposefully crying.
it was a distraction.
as he rose in height, feeling powerful in all his mightiness at what he in all his colonised glory, was accomplishing, he didn’t notice me swing the stroller round 360 & set it down in the opposite room to the kitchen.
shutting the door behind.
i took a deep breath.
as he lowered his now solid fist to the side of
my face,
my neck,
my back,
my shoulders ..
i rose my arms up.
i had stopped crying.
& i waited.
waited for him to finish.
he’d get bored soon.
or hungry.
or thirsty.
& he’d make a dramatic exit.
but my girl would wake soon.
lord, don’t let her wake now.
don’t let her cry now.
waiting.
& wondering.
why noone came out of their pretty houses.
why noone came to the door.
why noone.
came.
again.
& i waited.
& waited.
kpm©