I’ve bleated on about my super duper sensitive hearing many times before on this blog. This is kind of one of those … but not really ;)
Pts(d) and all its glory … means that my hearing has alerted Me to ‘danger’ and has also been the trigger for my adrenaline to start pumping. Yah. It’s a continuous battle between ‘over-hearing’ and not hearing at all. It’s always seemed necessary to hear, so I am alerted to some impending doom and can therefore respond … and Not being able to hear, like over certain loud noises etc, has also sent Me into a panic fuck at times … because I can’t hear. Grrr.
Well the other day I HAD to go to the shop … theres no other cunt here and I needed smokes … yes I know … the shit you’ll go to the shop for!!
So I drugged up … of course … and still felt panicky as fuck. I had my usuals … sunglasses, orange, my stick, my music etc, and was feeling like a super retard but didn’t particularly give a flying fuck (thanks to the drugs :) ) … but I was still floating on a level 6 panic fuck.
I decided to ring my daughter for moral support … cos that might help … according to one of those self help manual thingees. And she was lovely and it helped … sort of … I got off the phone and was at a 4 – 4 1/2 maybe. But still not confident about being out in the big wide world … *rolling my eyeballs here … theres nothing like reviewing shit after the fact argh ….*
Somewhere in there it occurred to Me to put my ear plugs in.
Well … my fuck …
Everything dropped into near silence … including my insides.
At a semi confident 1 – 1 1/2, I set off to the shop.
No fucking sweat!!!
OMFG … why hadn’t I done this earlier in my life???
So, just in case it was a fluke, I am experimenting with these puppies today to see if it decreases the anxiety ~ panic fuck!!
So far I’ve missed one phone call and all the noise coming from the neighbours thumping around. I can still hear D’Angelo playing off’ve my computer (yes, super duper hearing) … but all the other ‘white noise’ or background noise is cut out!
Because I usually get jumpy when Not being able to hear, I had to do a little assessment of what was better at this time … what I could deal with.
My doors are locked … I have weapons in case of surprise attack … the usual stuff. And I think I’ll be alright if I miss a door knock or if someone shows up un-announced … it usually scares the shit out of Me whether I can hear it or not!
So, I think I’m prepared.
I’ll let you know how it goes and if anyone gets hurt :)