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ps

they went.

they hung out.

they coming home.


kpm©

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& the finale. mamas exhibition :)

it’s been a massive month! exhausting & exciting & terrifying & just plain cool ;)

& last night was the last of our family exhibitions ;)

mama was awesome!!! her work was awesome!!! the whole exhibition was awesome!!! i was super proud of her … after all, how many peeps can say their mama has just completed a BA in Maori Visual Arts with an exhibition, whose art is focused on the misuse of 1080 in our country ! ;)

super super proud of her!!


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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he did it & i did it:

with the help of my daughter & mother, i got there & mingled ;)

i was so proud of my brother!

he’s such a good man; a beautiful father & an awesomely talented artist. he owned his spot last night & his videography is sublime! this exhibition marks the end of his 3 year degree journey & it’ll be cool to see what he does next!

tonight – is my mama’s exhibition!!

i am currently doing calming, happy shizz ;)


btw: i talked with the ceo of the gallery we are in & apparently in the history of this gallery & the one in wellington, no family has ever exhibited in the same place @ the same time & no gallery has left art up (mine ;) ) so the entire family could be in the same place @ the same time ;)

neat alright!


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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exhibition [2018]

the collection:

“intersectional violence”


 

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kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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art installation: phase 1, complete-ish

installation is semi-complete …

and i did fucking awesome i must say.

i did new faces and smells and spaces and sounds.

i did negotiations and staircases and heights – eeeekkkk.

i pretty proud of me right now.

and i’m happily fucking tired.


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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scary canary …

so, apopo (tomorrow) i go in and do my art installation and im nervous – fucking nervous – but different nervous. lol.

i think cos this year i’m focused on different things / goals, and am more ‘present’, the ‘feelings’ are hell’ah different. thats it in a very small nutshell … and no doubt as i unravel this part of my shizz, i’ll repeat my angst and toss it over and re analyze and regurgitate and throw it out …. on and on, until i get some peace with it all.

its not bad though. thats what i can ‘feel’ this time. that its not bad. and i’m not ‘scared’, like scared shitless … i’m just nervous of the unknown but excited as well … of the unknown!

now how fucken cool is that!! it’s all progress!!

so, be prepared for more random updates and random pictures and random unidentified feelings as i roll on to the exhibiton on friday …

:)

love & gangstah light <3


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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in between it all:

theres 10 fucking days till exhibition.

yes, i’m nervous now lol.

i’m organised as fuck of course. and my house is looking like a cross between a studio and a half way house … but i’m getting my shit together.

i think it’ll be sweet.

and if it’s not, i’ve got drugs!

this whole, excitement versus nervousness is doing me feng shui in lol.

‘i can do this’, is my mantra today!


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

the countdown

15 days till exhibition.

eeeeeek.

i’m cool though. i’m ready.

eeeeeek.


kpm©


 

persistent

When I was particularly depleted, aka sick as fuck … there were long portions of time, where I thought I might never ‘get up’ again. But even in those times, I was looking for a way to manage my shizz whilst flat on my face. And while I’m not a lover of that ‘down but not out’ shit, this is my version of that.

The way I see it, we are all dealing with shit, and thats usually made harder by the train of thought, or pressure, put on Us to ‘get better’, ‘be better’ … To get ‘Normal’, again. I’ve certainly had my fair share of this thinking process … and still struggle with it occasionally.

But by in large, my struggle is more with the practicalities of how to re-shape my world so I can manage it. Not re-shape it to fit what someone else thinks it, or I,  should look like.

And throughout all of that, I’m finding Me.

This years biggest struggle, although there has been a few, has been with my father. Theres many a post on Me trying to understand, process, analyze, let go, summarise and respond to the relationship that has and hasn’t been, between us.

Strangely and quite poetically I suppose, the last of my ‘letting go’ process with him, came out within my art. My art actually helped Me fill in the missing pieces and unfold a few other bits and pieces and let go of the last of it.

Which is why I ended up with 13 pieces for the exhibition. It’s also why the exhibition itself, became so important for Me to attend. It’s also why I posted the names and meanings of each piece over the last month. It’s also why I refer to it all again here.

I discovered, that my persistance for self honesty and transparency … a light soul pretty much … is part of what drives Me. It’s not money, or status, or importance, or intelligence …. or any of those surface bullshit things …

It’s living ‘light’.

I don’t do well with a heavy soul … and mine is somewhat naturally heavy and leans to the things that are heavier. But can be made even heavier whenever ‘unreal’ bullshit is taken on.


kpm ©


 

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exhibition art [2017] ~ “hine-nui-te-pō”

Hine-nui-te-pō ~

Hine-tītama was the

eldest daughter of the

atua,

Tāne-nui-a-Rangi and Hine-ahu-one.

She had children to her father.

When she learned that her husband

was also her father,

she fled to te pō (the underworld),

where she receives

the souls of the dead

and is known as

Hine-nui-te-pō.



#exhibition #abstract #art #painting #selfdetermination #kpm ©


kpm © : ig @kpm-artist


 

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update from the exhibition:

I haven’t been able to get my body round my head space, or vice versa, and do a decent update on the Exhibition Opening on Saturday just gone.

Suffice to say it was fucking awesome and I was gangstah lol.

Thats it in a nutshell.

I was so nervous in the morning and ended up dropping a quarter sedative to take the edge off … I had tears and more tears … and I was excited. It made for a whole heap of discomfort for someone not used to a single emotion, let alone a few at a time. Fucken hell … I am learning though! My Need to go pretty much outweighed my Fear.  Couple that with the Need to do the big “Fuck You” salute to my father. Yep, that spurred Me on no end ;)

We got there and I was sweating like a rapist and had to change my t.shirt lol … sweaty wasn’t exactly the ‘look’ I was after. Nervously fucked, Yes … Sweaty rapist, No.

I had invited all my beautiful family so they could support Me. They were pre-warned of what a panic attack looked like and what to do if anything un-toward should happen. And they were gangstah <3 They took such good care of Me … and pretty much followed my lead … which meant they were everywhere and nowhere all at once lol. But they did it … and it meant the world to Me that they did it for Me.

I had moments, but not too many. When it felt to bright, I moved. When it got to loud, I moved. I held my daughters hand when I felt scared in the crowd. I found my Mamas shoulder to hold on to, when I felt uncertain. I caught my partners eye when I needed backup. My big girl made sure we were fed and took photos of everything … because I completely forgot about that – hence the lack of photos here.

All in all it was fan-fucking-tastic!! I feel like I achieved the one something that I really needed to this year. It’s made Me more determined to focus on what I need slash want to do next year. And I’m actually looking forward to it.

Over the next few weeks I’ll drip feed the exhibition photos as I get them from my daughter and what I can scavenge up from what we took. Funny thing – as excited as everyone was to see my art up on massive white walls, I was just stoked to have gotten there. And to have enjoyed it!! So much so we ended up being pretty much the last ones to leave lol. Decided I’m going to take all of them to everything I need to go to from now on ;)

Oh … and I bought Me a coffee :) Bonus!


kpm©


 

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art for exhibition 2017.

Well, most of it goes up today and the exhibition opening is on Saturday.

Me? Nervous?

Fucking ay!

This will be the first time I’ve attended one of these; for my own work anyways. Once I realised I hadn’t met my ‘goals’ for the year, this attendance became a ‘must’.

This time, the whole process has been a huge learning curb. Yes, it usually is; but I think for Me, this time, I’ve been more aware of it.

I learnt that my fathers criticisms and ‘input’ in my life over the last year, whilst having a negative effect, have also led Me to this point. That in recognising the lack of understanding and love toward Me, I have realised that I am still here … I am OK … and that the life I’ve led would have been so much Worse if he had of been present throughout it.

And that the people that were good, that surrounded Me with the love they could – well, those people matter a shit tonne more than 1 guy who delivered some sperm 45 years ago.

I am who I am, in spite of him. I am who I am, because of the people that did care. I am who I am. And thats all that matters.

Art does all that?

Lol: Yep it does.

It’s a process.

I thought I’d lost my love for it. It was becoming an anal chore instead of something that helped Me reflect, relieve, explore, create. And thats because I thought I was doing something wring.

Story of my life really. But it turns out; there is No right or wrong. It just Is.

And that is freaking fine with Me :)


kpm©


 

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addendum: deafening silence

I’ve had some really positive feedback on my art displayed in the recent exhibition. I mean really good feedback. Things like: ‘it had an impact’ ‘it opened peoples eyes’ ‘it left a lasting impression’. I couldn’t ask for more really.

What I guess I hadn’t braced myself for, was the vulnerability I felt, the negative comments and the deafening silence.

I’m slowly working through the vulnerability part.

Most of my artivist pieces have only ever involved my response to colonisation. As sore as that topic can be, I’ve discovered it is in no way shape or form, any where near the soreness involved with personal abuse.

The collective abuse of a culture and the genocide of those people, is a grief, almost shared. The anger is aimed at almost nothing and almost everything. Theres a helplessness in it that is relieved through art. Well for Me there is. My responses that are educational are also cathartic but purposeful. That being, that in the educational process, decolonisation can happen.

I was hoping that that would happen with the personal abuse issues.

I was hoping that in expressing my self, I’d find relief and educate on the topic of sexual assault. That in the education, there’d be a type of decolonisation process, but based in the myths, prejudices, stereotypes and ignorance of sexual assault.

Great hopes.

And by in large, the feedback was hugely encouraging. And I am holding out hope that the impact it had on those that were moved by it, is lasting. That it creates change.

But here at home, the negative and silence resounds at the moment.

Maybe because of the topic? Maybe thats why it all seems so deafening?

The silence is not a new thing. I think it’s just considerably noticeable at the moment because of how I’m feeling. That sucks ass. Really, it does.


kpm©


 

a little update

It’s been a crusty week / weekend. Me and the partner have some kind of fluy crappy virus thing … his of course is way worse because it’s part of the ‘man – flu’ syndrome. Yes peeps, the struggle is real ;)

Aside from this, I’m plodding, trying to remain on course, positive and all that bullshit.

I’m acutely aware that the anniversary of my sisters death is coming up in a few weeks.

The ‘family’ is silent.

Her babies are grappling with their pain.

I don’t like it. At all.

Looming anxiety mixed with ‘virus symptoms’ are making for a slightly uncomfortable existence at the moment – thank fuck for anti-anxiety meds!

My partners father is unwell … heart related, unwell. I know the worry is straining him. We find out this week what the haps is next.

On a completely different note:

I have approximately 5 weeks before our womens collective Art Exhibition goes up … and I’m … ummm … not ready.

Art, or painting … for Me, is a ‘in-the-moment’, ‘go-with-the-feeling’ kind of thing. Which is why I’ve had difficulty creating pieces to order or to sell. My Art is about venting or expressing, not about making people happy with pretty pictures. So when it comes to knocking something up for an Exhibition … yeah well … need I say more. Eeeek.

And on a similar note … but Not lol: I did 3 pieces for an Exhibition that goes up today. I’ll post more on that one later in the week. I feel a little apprehensive, strangely enough. I didn’t last time. But these pieces are hugely raw. Yes, on any given day, raw is my go-to; but these are even rawer than that lol.

Anyway …

Back to the grind. There’s a mound of washing and no other cunt to do it ;)


kpm©