not sure:

how i managed to raise such beautiful kids.

but i did.


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me.

“Resistance” is in my blood … just ask my Mama ;) … and as I look over my unique heritage, I’m not really surprised at all.

Theres the Irish and Scottish colonisation’s, that resulted in their Response and continued Resistance. A few of those ancestors were sent to these ‘colonies’, and tahdah, our line changed. They weren’t perfect humans by any means, in fact there’s a couple who were down right assholes, but I’ll leave that for another post. But their Resistance to the invasion of their countries, was second to none. I admire the fuck out of that part of their narrative.

Then there’s the Jewish blood; the English blood; the French Canadian blood … and of course … the tangata whenua – Maori blood.

Learning about my tipuna and the layers of my Indigenous culture, has given Me a tonne of strength; it’s answered a heap of questions for Me; it’s made Me realise that I already know, deep down, what I need … Who I am … where I want to be. It’s given Me layers upon layers of beautiful healing.

And I am made up of multiple layers of Resistance and Response.

That Resistance has been voiced regarding colonisation and the social justice issues We continue to face as tangata whenua, through my art; and more recently that has extended to responding to, and re-framing sexual violence.

This love of justice … fairness … questioning … reframing … is what gives Me that fire in my belly. It’s probably what has helped to keep Me alive at times and I am grateful for it.  I’d rather have it, than have nothing at all <3

“Thou Shalt Not Concede”


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continuum ~ stanley pedigree

continuum ~ stanley pedigree, 2017

aka, my brother.

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e.pif.

moko #1 made dinner for the fams … he was so proud of himself xo

I had a quick glimpse of a medium sized epiphany this morning … on my way from the laundry to the kitchen, which was the wrong way I might add … carrying the 4th pile of random clothing and miscellaneous items in about 15 minutes.

“Ahhhh, thats right … this is what motherhood looks like …. Faaarrrrkkkkk”

I didn’t think I had forgotten, but I had lol.

My girl and her partner now have 4 little darlings. The youngest is a few days old … the oldest is 11 next year. Theres like a 10 minute gap between the oldest and 2nd oldest (just kidding … theres like 13 months … which I might add, is really like juggling twins, but worse … ), and then theres a 5 year gap between 2nd and 3rd and now a 4 year gap between 3rd and 4th.

I didn’t have that.

And as I was rubbing my extremely over tired puffy allergy infested eyeballs and trying to get my equilibrium back on track whilst listening too 3 little people talk flat tack and eat their breakfast and put on sock and scream at the other that ‘thats not how mama ties my laces’ … I was thinking …

“How the fuck …. ”

Mothers and fathers all over the world, doing their do, raising their babies, picking snot off clothes and dry food outta hair … trying to find matching socks whilst convincing their babies that ‘unmatched socks are the in thing now, don’t you know …’ – they are all freaking fucking amazing.

You know, they have our next generations in their hands and they’re shaping and growing those little people … equipping them to be game changers, open thinkers, challengers … enjoyers of Life.

And thats a fucking hard job.

And I wonder … why the fuck doesn’t our government acknowledge and pay that shit? And closer to home … whose thanking the parents daily, for doing what they do?

Well today, I honour my daughters and partners of, for the most fucking amazing jobs that they do with my beautiful mokos … for the unseen jobs they do daily to raise awesome little humans into big humans.

Love Yous!!!


kpm ©


 

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and we’re done.

It’s a good thing.

I finally finished sifting through my blog and changes the photograph sizes. I’ve managed to save myself a shit-tonne of room for more awesome posts lol. But overall feeling pretty accomplished …

And then theres the June – August / September mish …

I am more than freaking happy to announce the arrival of number 9 moko (grandchild). He’s healthy and happy and huge. His mama and papa did an amazing job with his birth as he proved to be as ‘challenging’ as the other mokos.

My girl has had 1 natural birth and 2 c sections. She desperately wanted to birth this moko naturally. The doctors were not keen, but she insisted. They found themselves a midwife who would assist and not deter her but who would also make the call for a c section if need be.

My girl was strong. She is strong. Overall, she amazes the fuck out of Me. She got her desire and she birthed moko naturally. She is stoked and so are We!! He’s just as gorgeous as his siblings!!

For Me: I did better than I anticipated. As y’all know, I’ve taken a few months to prepare for these past few months … to make sure I can manage myself and my environment changes and the extra activity and possible stressors.

I am happy to report I am still in one piece lol … but I also managed everything way better than I expected. There were a few niggly moments when things felt slightly overwhelming … but I managed with all my new and old tools and a minimal amount of drugs, which I was super stoked about!! We’re still not home yet and won’t be for a few more days, but I’m ok. I miss my beach and the quiet, but I’m ok. Surprisingly, I am OK!

Gawd I love my familia … they are so fucking awesome! We’ve been living like an old school community for the past week … mattresses everywhere – kids everywhere – food for miles – yelling and screaming – laughing and crying – work and sleep … all together. I am soooooo proud of my girls and who they are as humans and parents and co-habitants of this planet lol … they are absolutely cool. I can’t take the credit for all of that, but I fucking love being around them.

So … tomorrow I’m on a mission to clean my girls house from top to bottom before she brings our new moko home. And then I’m looking forward to new baby cuddles which are the absolute best!!

Love and light and heaps of warm fuzzies peoples xoxo

More updates Later :)


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taken: Sep 28, 2015

#home #fams #familia #mess #bnw #photography #photographer #kpm©


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a quick catchup / update

So, it’s been a cunty few weeks. Not an entire cunt, as in a bad cunt … just a generalised cunty – Yes. There is a difference. Your welcome.

I’m not even sure when I last updated and what that update was actually about. It would seem like an obvious thing … ‘check your last post dick’ – but I’ve also been re-doing my photos and making more room, so I’ve kinda got lost on what is a post; whats a repost; whats a read to catchup; whats a fucking whimsical moment of ‘ohhh, look how far I’ve come’ … and now I’m here trying to do an update … Geezus.

Anywho … where was I: thats right … Updates.

The big highlight … I went to moko 1’s talent quest competition thingee. Yup big deal for Me. Even though I’ve been practicing with the outing thing and using my ear plugs regularly, I still get nervous about going out. Especially into crowds. But moko had rung and asked Me to come and watch him play the drums and I knew I needed to go.

I did all my usual things … and took more drugs than I probably needed, but I was feeling particularly ‘sicky’ anxiety-ridden .. yah know: where you feel like hurling and / or passing out but it doesn’t quite happen … yeah well thats what it felt like a few days before I went and on the day of.

BUT … I went. Moko was absolutely awesome. Like amazingly so … he plays the drums like an adult whose practiced for 20 odd years. And as for mokos talent quest- he won! I was super super proud of him and apparently was the loudest and telling him how awesome he was!!! And I was extremely pleased I went!

Then we’ve had birthday madness, which has been tiringly cool … *is there such a thing? … apparently there is now* … and we’re only part way through our birthday bashes. Theres another couple to go and the birth of moko 6 is pending ;)

I’m officially the mother of a 30 year old now ;) I am so proud of my girl … she’s due to give birth and she’s looking tired but so beautiful at the same time. She’s an amazing person … strong, thoughtful, forthright … and one hell of a mama <3

We had her birthday out here, which was a challenge but one I actually enjoyed. We had the mokos for a few days after and that was another huge challenge for Me but one I managed and ended up thoroughly enjoying!

~

Digress and Note:

I had a slight epiphany thingee about a week or so before my girls birthday. We were discussing having the mokos so she could have a bit of a rest which led Me to feeling as sick as fuck and as nervous as fuck … thusly realising even more so than normal, that the 2 seem to go hand in hand for Me. In amongst that bullshit I again, duly noted this-ly:

Whether the mokos come or not … whether I go for a walk or not … whether theres a birthday here or not … whether I go into a crowded space or not … I May or May Not be Ok.

Another words … If I am waiting to Be Alright, it might never happen.

As morbid and defeatist as that sorta sounds, it was in all actuality, one of ‘those’ moments.

So I said Yes to the birthday. I said Yes to the mokos. And I was tired. I did have dizzy spells and I did need to freak out and do my breathing thingees and even take an anti-anxiety med.

Were the mokos bothered? Nope.

Was the birthday ruined? Nope.

Were there a few awkward moments whilst they asked what was happening to Me? For fucking Sure! But I can deal with awkward moments ;)

~

So, just before the birthday, we heard from our landlord and they’ve decided to put off the selling of their house till the end of the year. Whew we thought. Then another house came up around this area and we thought we might be in luck.

Somewhere in that process my gutt was doing somersaults and this time I listened.

Turns out the land agent for that house increased the rent and the price she had told us it would be, wasn’t the Real price. Dodgy bitch alright … so we declined. We’re still feeling a little nervous about our housing options out here, but surprisingly its my partner that is more nervous than Me. Now thats a first!!!

So fingers crossed it works out!

Pending: Like I said we have 2 more birthdays and the birth of moko 6 coming up.

Moko 5s 1st birthday is going to be held at my in-laws.

Yep. Deep deep breathe.

In the great scheme of things, you think this wouldn’t be such  a big worry … however … I haven’t been to the in-laws for like, 5 or 6 years.

Theres a reason for that … well a few actually … suffice to say; they do my head and nerves in.

I’ve been wrestling with myself about even going … but have decided I’d be a complete dick if I didn’t … so over the next couple weeks I’m going to get my ‘resource kit’ together and put a time frame in place for the day. It’s a shame really … cos it’s taking away from  mokos special day … not that they’ll notice … but for my own sanity I’m really gonna have to dig deep!

oh ….

The painting has been going good and I’ve nearly finished all 13 pieces for the exhibition. And No, I’m not ready for that eeek … but I’m not thinking about that until October. I’ve got it scheduled in lol.

I’m half way through my goals that I set at the beginning of the year, so pretty stoked with that … still haven’t gone in to the art classes but not too worried about that one … the camp at the beginning of the year was the biggie for Me :)

Anywho … thats about it for now … theres a couple separate updates and shoutouts I wanna do. So for now … Love and Light and all that shit, from Me at My Beach ;)


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#breakfast #brunch #food #familia #moko_love #bnw #photography #kpm©


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#portrait #familia #love #photography #kpm©


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italiano & birthday loves.

We started with Brunch for Mama … cos why not, right … if your going to eat all day, you may as well start it off right ;)

Croissants, Melted Chocolate and Coffee (Perculator and Plunger)

1st course, or ‘Aperitivo’, of the Main Menu, was the palate cleanser … Spumante.

Surprisingly (not .. lol) everyone wanted a little nap after that …

2nd course, or ‘Antipasti’, was Pizza … with a shit tonne of Mozarella ;)

3rd course, or ‘Primi’, was Watercress Brodo (Broth). This one, I found particularly gangstah … and for those that know what our Aotearoa boil up tastes like … well this broth was inspired by that.

4th course, or ‘Secondi’, was Lamb Rack with Salsa Verde.

The picture says it all … and the evening sky was just beautiful.

Alongside this course, was the 5th course, or ‘Contorni’, which was Watercress and Green Tomato with burnt butter. Yes, I know …

6th course, or ‘Dolce’ (dessert), was Vanilla Bean Gelato. It came out way better than I expected … and I served it with stewed plums, juice and chopped mint.

7th course, or ‘Formaggio E Frutta’, was a selection of local cheeses and a selection of fruits.

8th course, or ‘Caffe’, was fresh ground beans, percolated … Gang-stah !!

And last but not least, the 9th course, or ‘Digestivo’, was my Limoncello. As the course suggests, this was all about the digestion ;) And we certainly needed a little aid after all that food.

I think what I enjoyed the most was the laughter … and hanging out with everyone I love.

I had such a nice day …

And bonus … my brother gave me this little beauty (not a very good pic soz) … its a beautiful black stone in a hand crafted ‘frame’ or case, otherwise known as Black Tourmaline … renowned for its protective properties <3


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‘blended’ families.

We have one of those ‘blended’ families … well that’s the PC term for them now. They used to be called ‘extended’ families.

Tangata whenua referred to them as ‘whanau’ – family. All of them … no one was separate or different from, they all had a part to be a play; a role within the system – their hapu – their community. With the onslaught of colonisation, came the divvying up of people and land; and separating the family was key. Like all Indigenous people’s, we don’t believe you could ‘own’ land, so the concept of buying up large chunks of it seemed moronic. But that’s another discussion.

The dividing of family, is insidious. And the coloniser has repeated this evil throughout the Indigenous cultures they have come into contact with. Some of it has been forcible, some ever so subtle. And those subtleties we are still fighting today.

Our whakapapa (lineage) was once told through women; as in, so-in-so is the mother of, who was the mother of … instead of it being, so-in-so is the father of. The reason for this is rather brilliant and eloquently put by a friend of mine: “You can always guarantee that you came from your mother”. With colonisation and christianity, came surnames and titles; birth and death certificates. We were made to believe that anything other than this way of doing things, was uncivilised. However, it was just a ploy to keep us recorded and remove more stretches of land from us.

My point is, we now have families that are introduced like I did here, at the beginning of this post. Where we feel the need to ‘explain’ what we are.

My family, as blended or extended as it may be … consists of some pretty awesome people … that have added too and shaped my life … and continue too.

One such being is my brother.

As a pakeha concept, he is my half-brother – same mother, different fathers; and we were raised together.

Even though we shared the same womb, we have never been close … like fluffy sitcom tv close. But I know he’s there; he knows I’m here. I respect who he is and actually have huge admiration for the person, father and man that he is. He is amazing and has a strength about him that is hard to match.

The thing we share, is our love of words and music.

I love my brother.

We recently celebrated his 40th birthday and it was a beautiful thing to watch him do his thing; to hear the stories of him and how people met him and why they admire him.

The bonus of the evening … was the music :)

I got to be around awesome music again … I haven’t been able to do this for so long; and to have it all up on your own doorstep … awesome!

<3

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family, is all there is really

Well, its been an awesome weekend with the mokos and daughters and partners of and the partner and the neph and my mama.

They all came…to help us say goodbye to the house…to help the mokos say goodbye to the house…to see where we would be going…

And we laughed and ate and slept and sang and ate some more…drank plenty of delicious coffee and ate some more.

It was beautiful…

And I remembered…

That this is what home is about…the people that your surrounded with…the love that comes form those people…and the love that you give back to them.

In the next house…those same people…my family…will still come…with all their laughter and tears and screaming and eating…they’ll continue to take up space on my couch and throw all their washing in my washing basket…even though they don’t live here. They’ll still come and create dishes and argue and sing and eat all the food…they’ll share memories with me…I’ll share memories with them.

We’ll love and laugh and eat…wherever we are :)

I love them…all of them

xxoo


kpm©