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366 reasons to smile ~ +230.

+230. LOL.

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366 reasons to smile ~ +228.

+228. The latter is my daughters generation … but she gets some good shots lol.

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that said

all I ever

ever

wanted

wanted

was the same

same

as you

you

the freedom

freedom

to choose

choose

make a choice

choice

like you do

do

###

First Published on: Mar 2, 2016 @ 00:09 ❤

so fucking annoying

Should of been 365 things that are
Fucking annoying

Think I would’ve found it easier
To come up with daily shit

For example, well 21 examples:

1. Windows 10 reminder update
2. The neighbours Bogan music
3. Holiday makers
4. ACCs, ‘please hold’, music
5. The cat
6. Ultra fast NOT broadband
7. Spell check, that respells FUCK into DUCK
8. There’s no FUCK off button for Facebook
9. Facebook
10. Randoms, that text the partner for favors, not me, the mean one
11. Pop up ads
12. The rip in my shorts
13. WordPresses new ‘New Post’ layout
14. Messenger
15. Junk mail
16. Fast drying paint pfft
17. No brownies
18. Running out of water
19. Battery in the tablet going flat
20. Charger for the tablet shitting itself
21. Spellcheck changing shitting into shutting and having to go back and change it!

Now that was easy peasy

I suppose no Buddhist monk
Ever said the old inner peace
And tranquility,
Was going to happen during the adverts

Assholes

+++++++

First Published on: Jan 21, 2016 @ 19:59 LOL and ❤

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mauri of me #31 ~ karakia

karakia

Atua

Tukua

Homai to Aroha

Ae

translation:

My god.

I let Go.

Bring Love.

I Agree.

The beautiful thing that exists within our language, is the use of ‘definites’ and the lack of confusion.

It is what it is.

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mauri of me #29 ~ the partner

not often, in my life

have i experienced one so

full of depth

and soul.

while that may be a secret

to those that on-look.

for those that have cared

to look properly; they see.

you are more than what they say,

more than what you say.

a rare, rare find,

in a world this hollow.

oh, you’re still annoying.

still messy, and unorganised.

but that is just surface stuff.

what makes you, you … the stuff that matters –

that

is a

one of a kind

find

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mauri of me #28 ~ tāne nui a rangi

Tāne nui a Rangi

atua

of all that dwells

therein,

within.

strong and

steadfast.

provider,

and caretaker.

though holding his parents

apart

in between the worlds

he lingers

keeping his mother warm,

whilst receiving the tears of his father.

tāne nui a rangi

god,

man.

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mauri of me #27 ~ puré 

Puré  is about cleansing. Different iwi do their rituals or have their processes, specific to them.

And so do I, of course 😉

We live right next to the beach, and, as I have written about in the past, this move was for a whole heap of reasons; but the one thing I knew in my bones, was that I needed the ocean. I needed to hear it, smell it and feel it. I knew somehow, that it would make Me feel better 🙂

On both sides of my lineage, we are water people … meaning that my tipuna were situated by vast expanses of water. On my mothers side, it’s a river, and my fathers side, the ocean. It kind of ‘go figures’ then, that my ‘being’ needed the water.

It took well over a year to be comfortable enough to get my ass down to the beach regularly, and up until that time, I’d sit outside and listen to the waves roaring. When I did get down there, I’d dip a toe in and then wash my face and shoulders whilst saying a inoi.

Now, I still say my prayer, but i dip more than the toe in the water.

Usually on a freezing cold, preferably rainy day, I go down to tangaroa and dive right in. If I need to scream, he listens – and screams back 😉

And you know, theres nothing like a mouthful of salt water to smack the reality back into you 😉

I am forever grateful for being where I am at the moment. I am grateful for the healing that is the ocean – Tangaroa. I am grateful to be able to live by the ocean. I am grateful for my tipuna and the knowledge they imparted.

an interesting conversation was held today …

Me and the partner.

Turns out he’s learnt a lot over the last 13 or so years (yep, kinda lost count now lol). And I love him for it.

Here is what ensued … and it’ll get capped off with a bit of a question / query for feedback.

As the last few months have unfolded, especially concentrating on the death of my sister in October of last year, and the ‘reconnection’ with my father … there has been more than one conversation had, that have seen Me completely infuriated and bewildered. I’ve written about this at length, trying to process and make sense of whats going on … within the ‘relationship’ and the, ‘what the fuck am I supposed to do with that’ thought process. I get that, if my sister hadn’t died, Me and the father would still be having the once a year ‘message’ relationship, that I had grown quite accustomed too. I also get that, somewhere in amongst everything, the father is probably grieving. I also get that, I don’t know him very well … and he doesn’t know Me. I get that this whole ‘getting the land back’ has more to do with him and him wanting to feel like he’s done something substantial for his offspring.

I get this shit. I don’t think he does though.

And thats fine.

Moving on.

After every conversation we have had I am left feeling angry and confused (which by the way, takes quite abit of energy to recognise). Today was no different; but I did wonder whilst talking to him, if he was suffering from some kind of dementia.

This thought sent Me to the partner for advice. I know right lol.

Now this little meme sums Me up quite nicely. And it’s not just a Facebook thing, its a Life thing 😉

Whats interesting though, is I don’t actively think about Not offending anyone, or, offending anyone. It’s not till afterwards (conversation / meeting / introductions etc) that I am aware there is a mess but I’m uncertain how it got to be that way or if it’s even my problem.

Now I wasn’t always ‘say it as I see it’ person. I had other shit going on and survival mode included inward analysis; not discussion with others. But as I move through my ‘reconciliation’ process, I am vividly aware that I am missing some pieces. This is hell’ah evident after my conversations with the father.

I do not understand him. But this is not a new experience for Me. There have been a shittonne of people I don’t understand … and it usually comes down to this:

What is coming out of their mouths doesn’t make any sense to Me.

Now I’m a smart woman … this much is true. But there are certain things I really Do.Not.Understand.

The question posed to the partner was this:

“What the fuck is happening?”

He in turns grins, and asks me define what I’m asking, lol, like I said, he’s come along way!

A couple of conversations ago, with the father, he was going on about the land … again … and how he wanted Me to be a trustee etc and I had said ‘Hell No’ … and then, out of nowhere, he says”

“Have you seen a car?”

Huh?

The partner was listening to this conversation and smiling the entire time. I was looking at him slightly bewildered.

So my answer to the “Have you seen a car?” question, was “Yes”. And thats it. In my head I was thinking … “of course I’ve seen a fucking car; I’m staring at ours sitting in the drive way right now”; but all that I said was “yes” and then silence.

The father continues with … “I need a car … have you seen one I can buy?”; to which I replied, “No”. Then he asks if there are any cars for sale where I live, to which I ask a clarifying question: “How much do you want to pay for  it?” … and he says, “Ummm 2 dollars”. Me: “Well No then”.

Then he starts rambling off onto something else that I wasn’t really listening too. I was still stuck on … “What The Fuck?”. All the while the partner is still grinning.

That conversation ended and I got off the phone angry and frustrated … again.

So today, when I asked the partner … ‘what the fuck is going on’, he recounted the ‘Have you seen a car?’ conversation, and explained thusly :

“Dear, you are literal. Very literal. Your father was hinting for us to pick him up from the airport.”

Huh?

“Todays conversation, your father was hinting for you to pick up the lazyboy chair he has purchased and deliver it to him.”

Huh?

And mine and the partners conversation progressed from there.

I don’t understand hints. Not because I’m stupid, but because I don’t understand them. Period.

To Me, the father should have just asked for a ride or for us to pick up his chair, if thats what he meant. To go on about buying cars or seeing cars, or in the instance of todays conversation – that he sleeps in a lazy boy recliner chair and the road is closed – does not make a shred of sense to Me.

It’s taken the partner all these years to figure out that I’m not being obstinate or annoying when I seek clarification. And that when I answer a question literally I won’t go into long explanations. It just is what it is.

I understand, or can ‘feel’ intent, but that has more to do with ‘evil’ intent. I know when someone is fishing for information for exploitation or trying to manipulate me into a corner. I can feel that in the tightening of my stomach and chest.

Hints – not so much. Maybe because they seem like the amateurs version of manipulation.

But as I’m asking the partner to explain what happened and I’m obviously not getting it; he flips the script for Me.

If this was him having the ‘car’ conversation with my father, he would have asked him if he wanted to be picked up from the airport; which is his version of seeking clarification. For Me, that is annoying hard work. I don’t think it’s my job to figure out what he’s trying to say. The partner would have asked whether the father wanted the chair delivered to him. I didn’t.

And I don’t get how the partner gets the underlining conversation thats not being had!

But technically, it means that the partner is listening and then asking what isn’t being said to get to the ‘un-said’ outcome. Fucks sakes … thats exhausting!

Most of the time I feel like Sheldon or that dude off Guardians Of The Galaxy, whose people are literal … and I really don’t understand what is being said when people won’t say what they mean. And then I realised the multitudes of times in my life that I’ve gotten into trouble or been blamed or shamed for being annoying, acting dumb, being ignorant or rebellious, for being this way. The partner reckons, other people don’t get Me just as much as I don’t get them.

So, I guess, after all the dribbling on, my question is:

Why don’t people say what they mean?????

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366 reasons to smile ~ +188.

+188. ‘Grandparent’, in my case … My gawd what an annoying song!!! LOL

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