So, it’s been a cunty few weeks. Not an entire cunt, as in a bad cunt … just a generalised cunty – Yes. There is a difference. Your welcome.
I’m not even sure when I last updated and what that update was actually about. It would seem like an obvious thing … ‘check your last post dick’ – but I’ve also been re-doing my photos and making more room, so I’ve kinda got lost on what is a post; whats a repost; whats a read to catchup; whats a fucking whimsical moment of ‘ohhh, look how far I’ve come’ … and now I’m here trying to do an update … Geezus.
Anywho … where was I: thats right … Updates.
The big highlight … I went to moko 1’s talent quest competition thingee. Yup big deal for Me. Even though I’ve been practicing with the outing thing and using my ear plugs regularly, I still get nervous about going out. Especially into crowds. But moko had rung and asked Me to come and watch him play the drums and I knew I needed to go.
I did all my usual things … and took more drugs than I probably needed, but I was feeling particularly ‘sicky’ anxiety-ridden .. yah know: where you feel like hurling and / or passing out but it doesn’t quite happen … yeah well thats what it felt like a few days before I went and on the day of.
BUT … I went. Moko was absolutely awesome. Like amazingly so … he plays the drums like an adult whose practiced for 20 odd years. And as for mokos talent quest- he won! I was super super proud of him and apparently was the loudest and telling him how awesome he was!!! And I was extremely pleased I went!
Then we’ve had birthday madness, which has been tiringly cool … *is there such a thing? … apparently there is now* … and we’re only part way through our birthday bashes. Theres another couple to go and the birth of moko 6 is pending ;)
I’m officially the mother of a 30 year old now ;) I am so proud of my girl … she’s due to give birth and she’s looking tired but so beautiful at the same time. She’s an amazing person … strong, thoughtful, forthright … and one hell of a mama <3
We had her birthday out here, which was a challenge but one I actually enjoyed. We had the mokos for a few days after and that was another huge challenge for Me but one I managed and ended up thoroughly enjoying!
Digress and Note:
I had a slight epiphany thingee about a week or so before my girls birthday. We were discussing having the mokos so she could have a bit of a rest which led Me to feeling as sick as fuck and as nervous as fuck … thusly realising even more so than normal, that the 2 seem to go hand in hand for Me. In amongst that bullshit I again, duly noted this-ly:
Whether the mokos come or not … whether I go for a walk or not … whether theres a birthday here or not … whether I go into a crowded space or not … I May or May Not be Ok.
Another words … If I am waiting to Be Alright, it might never happen.
As morbid and defeatist as that sorta sounds, it was in all actuality, one of ‘those’ moments.
So I said Yes to the birthday. I said Yes to the mokos. And I was tired. I did have dizzy spells and I did need to freak out and do my breathing thingees and even take an anti-anxiety med.
Were the mokos bothered? Nope.
Was the birthday ruined? Nope.
Were there a few awkward moments whilst they asked what was happening to Me? For fucking Sure! But I can deal with awkward moments ;)
So, just before the birthday, we heard from our landlord and they’ve decided to put off the selling of their house till the end of the year. Whew we thought. Then another house came up around this area and we thought we might be in luck.
Somewhere in that process my gutt was doing somersaults and this time I listened.
Turns out the land agent for that house increased the rent and the price she had told us it would be, wasn’t the Real price. Dodgy bitch alright … so we declined. We’re still feeling a little nervous about our housing options out here, but surprisingly its my partner that is more nervous than Me. Now thats a first!!!
So fingers crossed it works out!
Pending: Like I said we have 2 more birthdays and the birth of moko 6 coming up.
Moko 5s 1st birthday is going to be held at my in-laws.
Yep. Deep deep breathe.
In the great scheme of things, you think this wouldn’t be such a big worry … however … I haven’t been to the in-laws for like, 5 or 6 years.
Theres a reason for that … well a few actually … suffice to say; they do my head and nerves in.
I’ve been wrestling with myself about even going … but have decided I’d be a complete dick if I didn’t … so over the next couple weeks I’m going to get my ‘resource kit’ together and put a time frame in place for the day. It’s a shame really … cos it’s taking away from mokos special day … not that they’ll notice … but for my own sanity I’m really gonna have to dig deep!
The painting has been going good and I’ve nearly finished all 13 pieces for the exhibition. And No, I’m not ready for that eeek … but I’m not thinking about that until October. I’ve got it scheduled in lol.
I’m half way through my goals that I set at the beginning of the year, so pretty stoked with that … still haven’t gone in to the art classes but not too worried about that one … the camp at the beginning of the year was the biggie for Me :)
Anywho … thats about it for now … theres a couple separate updates and shoutouts I wanna do. So for now … Love and Light and all that shit, from Me at My Beach ;)
photography & art @kpm-artist