unfucking thyself 101.19




Homai to Aroha



Another ‘moko’ aka Grandbaby memory:

The Mokos (Grandchildren / Grandchild) Koro (Grandfather) (my partner) makes a cooked breakfast most mornings. Even though their parents would usually have given the mokos their usual breakfast / milk or whatever it was that was their norm; once ‘cooked breakfast’ arrived, each moko (except for 1 – Moko 3), would crawl up onto his lap whilst he was eating and starting poking around at his toast and baked beans, the sausages and bacon. He’s complain about them ‘eating all his breakfast’ and they’d sit happily on his lap eating away, till the plate was empty.

Mokos aged 9 and 8 still do they same thing, but without crawling up into his lap now. He’ll ask them if they want a cooked breakfast … they reply No … and then as he dishes up, they appear with: “Oh, Koro, can we have some baked beans …”, he rolls his eyes and dishes up extra plates of food.

What I really enjoyed this morning was the stories he told them of all the times they’d eaten up his breakfast, followed by the hysterical belly rolling laughter that followed. They sat and ate and laughed for nearly an hour.

I guess the important thing about growing up are the memories. For these darling Mokos, I really hope they embrace the memories and the laughter. Some of the most important things in this life.

#Photograph is a macro shot of of Moko 2 plate of baked beans and toast, and her hands. She can, of course feed herself now 🙂 She’s paused mid-mouthful, laughing at her Koro’s lame jokes ❤


reconciling the hormones #24

I have lulled the hormones into a state of meditative calm

with the promise of croissants, chocolate and coffee.

If that doesn’t work,

they shalt be lulled into a state of medicated calm.

That works too.

Merry Christmas Peeps.


2 litres of vanilla creamy goodness:


Vanilla Gelato ❤

Now I just gotta make sure i don’t eat it all before Monday 😉

today is:











(if all goes well).






366 reasons to smile ~ +317.

+317. Oh Hell Yeah 😉


Black and white photograph of Sophia Loren in a bikini.

Quoting: “I’d rather eat pizza and drink wine than be a size 0.”


one of those (good) days and lots of random thoughts

i’m feeling the right side of the page today.

ok i changed my mind, left it is.

oh, and bullet points I reckon

  • the house is quiet; the partner had a night out.
  • nice and quiet 🙂
  • its cold as fuck.
  • i like cold as fuck.
  • unless i don’t have the fire going, then not so much.
  • it’s just started pissing down.
  • ahhhh my kind of day.
  • i might even go for a walk.
  • without my umbrella 🙂
  • did i tell you i was knitting?
  • well yeah, i’m knitting.
  • a jersey, i think.
  • i call it ‘free-style knitting’ lol.
  • i can hear my Nan while I knit, saying … “good Lord” … lol again.
  • i’m on my second large cup of coffee … with cream.
  • (maybe thats why i’m having so many random thoughts hmmmm)
  • thinking about getting the washing off the line.
  • Meh.
  • think i’ll have pork for dinner … thanks to Jim and his pork recipe 🙂
  • oh
  • did i say my assessment is this month?
  • like in a couple weeks?
  • makes Me nervous.
  • bastards.
  • my Mamas cat died.
  • that was sad.
  • we planted catnip on his grave.
  • our cat loves it.
  • so, i’m not voting this year.
  • i feel like i’ve let the feminists of old down.
  • but somehow i think they’d understand.
  • our country is fucked.
  • i had coffee with my Mama yesterday.
  • that was cool.
  • the twat at the coffee shop wasn’t so cool though.
  • feeling more sensitive to ‘awkwardness’ at the moment.
  • makes Me want to stay at home.
  • forever.
  • my lawns need mowing.
  • but its raining now.
  • Sorted!
  • we’ve got this one Calendula plant / flower, that refuses to wilt and die.
  • i admire it 🙂
  • she’s in the flower bed and all the other calendulas have shut up shop for the winter.
  • she just sits there looking all shiny and happy.
  • she’s gangstah.
  • i had some limoncello last night.
  • think I’ll be making some more of that stuff … yum.
  • i rearranged the house again.
  • i needed – S P A C E
  • my antihistamine use is still at a 1/4 of a tab
  • effectively 2.5 mgs of citerizine
  • but i get itchy.
  • bloody annoying.
  • it’ll pass though …
  • i wonder
  • if there was nothing ‘wrong’ with anything, then effectively nothing would need fixing.
  • right?
  • and who gets to decide what is ‘wrong’ and what is right?
  • the outside of the house needs cleaning; it’s got ‘salt’ residue all over it.
  • ‘Beach living’ problems lol
  • oh, but its raining.
  • Sorted.
  • i noticed a lot more grey hairs on my head.
  • oh well.
  • i’ve got a onesie with frogs all over it.
  • it’s bright pink.
  • I Love It 🙂
  • i haven’t figured out how to grow vegetables during winter.
  • What Would Grandad Do?
  • wish I had actually paid attention when he was alive.
  • oh well.
  • theres an odd feeling in our little town at the moment.
  • theres been lots of burglaries etc.
  • and lots of complaining.
  • it feels like the community are banding together with pitchforks; ready to find ‘the scummy culprits’.
  • think it makes Me slightly nervous.
  • cos we’re Brown.
  • the partner was accosted by the ‘community patrol’;
  • yes they’ve started one of those –
  • and a big light shone on him.
  • he was asked what he was doing out at night.
  • the partner didn’t take that very well and responded rather assertively – but in a humorous tone –
  • he said they looked like they were trying to impersonate the police, and that, in this country, is a crime.
  • they switched their spot light off;
  • and lowered their tone.
  • they seem to have forgotten though, that there was a child murdered here less than 2 years ago.
  • but people are still not as important as property round here.
  • i don’t like that.
  • i might go finish my coffee now.
  • and light the fire.
  • whew.
  • big brain alright 🙂

was a chocolate chip cookie kinda day …

Lots of sadness in the air at the moment … not sure if it’s grief, or release, or change. But it ‘feels’ sad.

‘OK’ sad though.

I try and roll with days like this now, and do what I ‘feel’, until whatever needs to make an appearance, appears.

It started last night, and this morning I opened Facebook to find my youngest daughter had ‘vented’ her wounds and grief at her father.

Now her story isn’t mine to tell; I’ve talked about her father, my ex husband, in other places in this blog – as ‘he’ pertains to Me.

But what I will say is this:

  • When you spend a lifetime actively ignoring your child, don’t expect a ‘your an awesome father’ post.
  • When you’ve spent a lifetime being actively ignored by a parent, there is a shit tonne of grief and anger to wade through.

God knows I know that one!

But today all I felt was sadness for my girl. That all the positive mojo she tried to put into her relationship with her father, has come tumbling down and the pain of it all has brutally thrust itself to the surface.

But I am so proud of her … so very proud ❤

So … back to the cookies … they’re my distraction and comfort food go – to 😉

It’s at this stage though:

that I start telling myself that I don’t really need cooked cookies and I should just eat the dough. And then I do a little bargain with myself – 2 handfuls for Me, 2 for the oven … and it goes like that until I end up with these:

Its now time for a good movie, a cookie or 3 and a cuppa tea ❤


366 reasons to smile ~ +156.

+156. 🙂



Whats the most gangstah thing about adulting?

Chocolate self-saucing pudding for dinner!


ok, slight confession

Yes, I do comfort movies.

But I also do comfort food.

Preferably together.

So ‘The Last Witch Hunter’ has been paused half a dozen times and is currently at the part where He’s kicking the ass of the warlock dude after being pulled out of the memory potion thingy …

And I have just made and consumed Hot Scones with butter and Golden Syrup.

Yum …

Now for a cup of tea.

Yah know, these are possibly the only 2 real British-y things I partake in … thanks Nan 😉