reconciling the hormones #51

My New Bestie:

#Photograph is of my semi-industrial, rather large Fan!!


366 reasons to smile ~ +350.

+350. Just saying :

#meme reads:

Facebook’s list of Suggested Friends is quite literally a list of people I’ve been avoiding my entire life.


366 reasons to smile ~ +322.

+322. I concur 🙂


A photo of 3 ‘old school’, pretty gangstah looking women with old school tobacco pipes hanging out of their mouths:

Caption reads: “Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of Alcohol, Sarcasm, Inappropriateness, and Shenanigans.”



i enjoy



and art.

i’m socially


but looking


a partner

in crime …


wrong site, my bad.

pause: go

there will be a lot of ‘unfolding’ in the next few days, maybe weeks, knowing my long winded way of getting to things … there’ll be morbid poetry (er-hem, I mean, More, morbid poetry) ramblings and raging and/or morose music. i’ll be pausing the happy little daily photographs for awhile. They’re not doing it for Me.

i need to get Me sorted and this is the best way i know how. best and easiest, since there aint no cunt to help with this lot.

thanks to Bethany, i’ll be trying the mindfulness tip, but edited for Me’s use 😉

and thanks to the ever faithful Jim, i’ll be trying some serious gardening. Trying, being the key word here 😉

at this stage, i know theres the impending anniversary of my sisters death. and all i know is somewhere after that, i got lost. i’m enjoying blaming my father for that, but it aint entirely his fault. the fault is mine, as in i let him encroach on my space. but i’ma rolling with blaming his rotten ass at the moment.

somewhere after june, i lost touch with managing Me. thats the last time i can remember being aware i was going into a panic and being able to stop it before it happened. by august i was kacked out and fumbling with the grounding process.

i had had 2 ‘run ins’ with my father by then and was feeling like shit, which also annoyed Me no end. by september i’d cut that bastard off.

ACC and 2 large ass panic attacks, a huge bout of vertigo and a months worth of ‘sickness’, and i’m thinking, WTF is happening to Me?

Oh, and add to that the Tears. Fuckssake … I hate tears. i also hate thinking its hormonal, cause hormones are always to blame for a womans tears. these are angry hurt tears; fuck the hormones i say.

last night i got my exhibition pieces back. and with it came a host of compliments, of which i am humbled and grateful for.

also, there was this comment, said with an oozing nasty tone:

‘make you feel better did it?’

and that was enough to shatter what ever esteem and good vibes i had inside.

what pisses Me, is that that one comment was enough to floor Me. a year ago i would’ve brushed it aside. today … it’s echoing in my head.

it’s not the first time in my life i’ve been met with this sort of negativity, and by in large, i’ve culled most of those peeps. but i think in the culling process, i haven’t replaced them with ‘good for the soul’ peeps.

and i think in my new mish, this is what i need to do. not that i don’t love my blogging backup peeps … but i need peeps i can see now. peeps that can help encourage Me and keep Me grounded.

so thats enough rambling for now.

i’m off to cull 😉


366 reasons to smile ~ +263.

+263. LOL


hey sara

Remember me?

We were BFFs.


Someone like me;


with someone like you.

Such opposites.

You had everything

that a young girl should have.

I had,

well I had,


But we hung.

Camping, talking, giggling.

Until you groped me.

Not a-fucken-gain.


i knew what you wanted.

It’s what they always wanted.

I wanted a friend.


Just a friend.


A nice friend.


For fucks sakes.

So we were friends no more.

And I don’t know

if you ever ‘came out’.

But theres a smidgey part of me,

Thats hopes you are still

In your closet.

Surrounded by people

That won’t let you

come out.

And your suffocating,

In your forced


Thanks for

Sweet fuck all


First Published on: Jul 7, 2015 @ 19:06 ❤

Hey Wendy

Now, I know you remember Me.
The little girl
You despised.
The little girl you were jealous of,
Or so you said.
In the pathetic meeting
You called between my mother
And yours.
You said I was beautiful.
But that was not meant as a compliment.
You said it because;
You’re miserable
And tormented.
You tormented my already wretched existence.
Was it because you had bucked teeth?
Did that make you think you could belittle mine?
Was it your unfortunate looking family?
That made you think you could turn
Every decent friend I made
Into yours?
Was it because you were made
To wear poxy out of season clothes?
That you thought you had the right
To make my hand made clothes
The laughing stock of your churchy click?
Was it because you were fat?
That you thought you then had the right to criticise
My body?

What you didnt get,
Was my character
Didnt see all those things.
I enjoyed bike riding with you.
I enjoyed our picnics

So on and fucking so forth.

I enjoyed that shit.

But thankyou.

I know your type now.
I can smell your stench a mile away.
So i let you go of you and yours,

Be gone

First Published on: Jul 6, 2015 @ 18:30 ❤


366 reasons to smile ~ +210.

+210. 😉