it was contained. but with further reflection, there is something a-brewing.
*note: the lack of posts atm is due to me still figuring out me internetness. theres no vdsl plugs or cables close to the house & the lovely new landlords used this place as their holiday home so didn’t want access to internetness, which is kinda cool .. but not when you need internetness & cant get it lol. so im doing the 4g thing but my usage (or previous usage lol) is not compatible with how much i bought this month .. long story short: i’ll be writing offline & posting in bulk or random until i can figure me shizz out ;)
so, back to the fuckery lol …
its been 2 weeks of being in my dust, mould free house up on the hill. i’m loving every inch of it & tend to spend the day getting sidetracked with the view or the hawk flying past or the sound of the ocean ..
but thats alright. im cool with it.
come monday, my nemesis aka building contractors, decided to start pummelling huge ass poles into the ground. cos we are largely sand dwellers out here, houses are built on stilts, which are driven into the earth by large ass digger things with a compactor thingy attached to the end of it.
*there was gonna be a picture which was a little blurry, but .. you know how many gigs it takes to upload said pic??? shitloads .. so im sure you get my drift & will be fine without said pic ;).
now ive been pretty much anxiety free since coming here. the odd twitch here and there as i get used to the new noises and smells .. but said digger asshole kinda messed with that.
for the first hour of earth & house shaking pummelling, i tried to employ my learned skills to calm my farm. that included the ear plugs, music and feet on the ground. i tried to keep busy and moving around cos that lessened the shaking. i was pretty proud of myself actually. by 6pm they were still going though and my nerves were starting to get the best of me.
they finished soon after 630pm and i was utterly fucked.
interesting thing i noticed was the tightness in my neck, shoulders and head. i realised that i had been living in that state for the last couple years and the littlest noise or shake or upset just fucked me over. after being reasonably relaxed for the past couple of weeks and then tense over a few hours, it completely rocked my body.
i took abit of time to chill after they’d left and prepare for the following day of possibly more digger fuckery.
it was noticeable tension mounting in my gutt and shoulders that alerted me to my lack of calm steady deep breathing, so i stopped, sat and did a whole heap of gentle but deep breathing. oh, and i had a fucking early night!!
the following day i was ready for said fuckery but the tension had died down.
but said fuckery did not eventuate thank the goddesses.
i have neighbours.
*pause for effect*
turns out these neighbours love to yell and scream at each other like they’re about to one another grevious harm.
day 1 was the day after the pummelling fuckery.
i wasnt prepared for that specifically but was prepared so made sure i breathed deep and kept myself busy .. well, distracted.
day 2 however .. that was today.
they started at about 830am and screamed and yelled and screamed at each other .. & it completely fucked with me.
*i feel like im on the edge of change, of like a deep ass change, and its a good thing, but my usual response to this sort of thing (as long as there is no violence happening) is to ignore it and carry on.
but today i couldn’t.
it rattled my nerves. it threw me back to about 4 different timezones in my life where yelling and screaming and violence were all part of the back drop of life.
i could feel myself shaking & wanting to revert to recoiling and getting on with it. but my body wouldn’t let me.
i love this place. i love the calm that it gives me.
i dont like the yelling.
so what am i going to do about it? in a dignified sort of way?
well, i talked to the neighbours.
yes i did. lol.
turns out one of the neighbours has some kind of disorder of the anxiety variety, which i completely get, & when left unchecked, he lets rip.
& after hearing that & his deep apology for upsetting my feng shui, all was alright with my world again.
i guess yah dont know what someone else is struggling with unless you ask.